My name is Jennifer Morgan, and I am a nicotine addict. However, I want to
take a positive step in my life, and quit cigarettes forever. I am determined
to succeed.
Dr. Monroe asked me to write down all of the positives and negatives of
smoking, which she called a “cost vs. benefit analysis.” She asked me to be
as honest as I could with myself as I reflected on reasons why I enjoy
smoking, and why I want to quit.
Costs:
1. Smoking is dangerous to my health, and could cause me to die someday.
Everybody dies eventually, but this habit could take years off of my
lifespan.
2. I cough a lot, especially in the morning, and have to clear my throat
frequently.
3. Cigarettes are very expensive. I spend about $30 – $40 a week on
cigarettes, depending on how much I smoke, and whether I buy packs or
cartons.
4. A number of boyfriends or guys I have really liked have stopped going out
with me because they say I smoke too much. Smoking is a big turn-off for a
lot of men.
5. In general, smoking is becoming a social taboo.
6. I smell bad after I smoke. So does my car and my apartment.
7. Dirty ashtrays are gross.
8. My teeth are slightly yellow.
9. My fingers are stained.
10. I find it really hard to work out without losing my breath.
11. It is hard to keep from smoking when I can’t, and I get very anxious
when I go for too long without a cigarette.
12. I feel like cigarettes control every aspect of my life. I can’t wake up,
get ready, eat, drink, talk on the phone, drive, go on break at work, get out
of class, or go to bed without lighting up.
Benefits:
1. I love how smoking feels. The physical sensations of smoking a cigarette
are very appealing to me, and probably the main reason why I continue to
smoke, despite all of the drawbacks. I like how it feels in my lungs when I
inhale, and I enjoy the kick that I get from the nicotine. For example, I’m
smoking a cigarette right now, and every time I inhale it just feels really
good. It is hard to express the pleasure in words.
2. My morning cigarette is the best part of waking up. Smoking is a big part
of my morning ritual, and although it sounds strange, gives me a reason to
get out of bed when I would otherwise want to hit the snooze button. When
I’m tired, a cigarette perks me up.
3. Cigarettes relax me. When I am stressed out, or after a hard day of work,
there’s nothing I like more than just sitting down and having a smoke.
Smoking puts me in a good mood and keeps me there.
4. It gives me something to do with my hands. I also enjoy the mechanics of
smoking: lighting cigarettes, tapping off the ash, holding my cigarette at
different angles, and putting it in and out of my mouth.
5. Smoking relieves boredom. Whenever I feel bored, I light up a cigarette,
and it seems to stimulate me somehow. It seems that the feeling I get from
inhaling smoke never gets old.
6. Smoking is a bonding experience with friends. Although as I mentioned a
lot of people are offended by it, other smokers understand the habit. It is
also a way to break the ice, when you find out that somebody you just met
smokes.
7. It goes well with coffee or alcohol. I can’t imagine enjoying a cup of
coffee or a glass of wine without a cigarette to go along with it. Come to
think of it, I also really enjoy having a cigarette after sex, and so I’ll
really miss smoking during those intimate moments, too.
8. I like how it tastes. When I first started smoking, the taste took some
getting used to, but now I really like the taste of tobacco. Also, I smoke
menthol cigarettes, and I enjoy the taste every time I take a puff.
9. It helps me stay slim. I know this sounds like a stupid and shallow
reason, but I’m being as honest as I can. Right now, I’m tall and slender.
I really don’t want that to change. Instead of reaching for a sweet or
something fattening, I just reach for a cigarette. When I was younger, my mom
quit for a while, and really packed on the pounds. I’m worried about weight
gain if I quit.
10. A part of me likes doing something “bad” or “rebellious.” Again, this
reason doesn’t sound like the best one, but that’s how I feel. Even though
I know that the non-smoking crowd is right about the health risks, I don’t
like the idea of other people telling me what I should or should not do.
It’s important to me that I make my own decisions, and every time I have a
cigarette I feel like I’m being independent. That is wrong, of course, since
I’m utterly dependent on cigarettes, but still, that’s how I feel.
11. I am worried about how hard it will be to quit. I’ve heard that quitting
smoking is hell, and I’m honestly not looking forward to the actual quitting
process.
12. Smoking makes me feel glamorous and sexy. This might be related to
reasons 9 and 10 (and the last part of reason 7), but in my mind it is a
reason all by itself. Although as I mentioned in the costs section a lot of
men are turned off by smoking, I suspect that it turns some men on. If so,
why can’t I meet them?
It seems like I came up with an equal number of good and bad points about
smoking, although I think went more into talking about the good points.
Perhaps that’s because the drawbacks to smoking speak for themselves.
Well, I have to get ready for my day, so I should finish. Dr. Monroe will be
back for our second session tonight.
Entry 4:
My name is Jennifer Morgan, and I am a nicotine addict. However, I want to
take a positive step in my life, and quit cigarettes forever. I am determined
to succeed.
Tonight’s appointment with Dr. Monroe was very productive. Again, we began
with me reading the journal entries I had printed out, to review our last
session and set the tone for what we would be covering during this one.
Dr. Monroe seemed very pleased with my journal entry from last night, and
said that I did a very good job of summarizing our previous meeting. When I
got to the entry from this morning, about the pros and cons of smoking, she
had me do an exercise that seemed a bit unorthodox for a quit smoking
program, but which made a lot of sense once I thought about it.
Before I started reading off my list, Dr. Monroe had me light up a cigarette.
I had just finished one before she arrived, but I did so anyway. I trust her
to know what’s best. She said that, as I read off each item on the list of
good and bad points of smoking, I should take a really long drag, inhale it
deeply, and then really think about what I was saying for a few seconds
before I exhaled.
So that’s exactly what I did. At first, as I took each long drag, I felt
really guilty about what I was doing to my body, but when I told Dr. Monroe
she reminded me that feeling guilty would work against me when I tried to
quit. I tried to let go of those feelings, but it’s not always easy to
control how you feel.
I finished my cigarette as soon as I had finished reading off my list of
negatives about smoking, since I had lit up before Dr. Monroe gave me
instructions for the exercise. So before reading off the positive aspects of
smoking, I lit up again, and I have to admit that as I read off the first
item on the list I was very conscious of just how good smoking makes me feel.
I also, to be blunt, was enjoying the excuse to chain smoke.
When I had completed the exercise, I kept smoking my cigarette while Dr.
Monroe offered her thoughts. She said that my responses were excellent, very
honest, realistic, and thorough. She was particularly pleased that I didn’t
have any illusions about how easy it would be to quit, since overconfidence
would only set me up for failure. Then, she asked me what was going through
my mind while I was reading the list.
I had just taken a drag off of my cigarette, and was enjoying my very
pleasant nicotine buzz, when she asked the question. I told her, honestly,
that I felt like I was having second thoughts about quitting smoking, now
that my quit date was getting closer.
I expected her to be disappointed, but Dr. Monroe is very non-judgmental, and
told me that second thoughts were also a part of the quitting process. What
was important, she said, was should be honest with myself, and continue to
confide in her. Together, we would work through my feelings and come to
understand them better.
After that, Dr. Monroe started the hypnosis part of the meeting, which
evidently went well. It took a little bit longer for it to work, probably
because my heart was going pretty good from the nicotine rush I was feeling.
Still, I eventually went under, and Dr. Monroe tells me that we talked about
what I hoped to get out of our meetings. When I woke up, it seemed like the
air was very thick with smoke, but there were still only two cigs in the
ashtray, and Dr. Monroe suggested it was probably just an effect of talking
about smoking during hypnosis.
My “homework” for tonight, or actually for all night tonight and all day
tomorrow, is to keep careful track of each cigarette that I have, paying
particular attention to what time I smoke, what sort of mood I’m in, and
anything that triggers a craving. I shouldn’t go too in-depth with my
descriptions, but just keep a notebook handy and jot down the information
every time I smoke.