Natalie Johnson pushed aside a pile of papers on her desk, reached into a drawer, and took out her pack of Virginia Slims 120s, a lighter and an ashtray. She removed one of the long, white cigarettes, put it between her lips and lit it. She eagerly pulled the smoke into her hungry lungs.
As she exhaled, Natalie began to feel the calm that the nicotine brought to her system. She took another drag on the long cigarette, this time holding the smoke in her mouth for a moment before releasing a creamy ball and snap inhaling it. But the calming effect was only momentary, for she began to brood over the dark cloud that seemed to be overtaking her life. How had she let it come to this?
Anyone who peeked in on Natalie at this moment would have seen a woman who seemed to be in control of her life. She was 44 years old, and one of the most successful lawyers in the city. Age had not yet begun to erode her beauty. She was tall—just under six feet—and thought her luxuriously long legs were her best feature. But she could also look with satisfaction on an almost perfect figure and a lovely oval face framed by long, lustrous brown hair.
She took another drag, and thought about the pleasures and problems smoking had brought to her life. She had started when she was 14. It was the first time she had ever rebelled against adult authority, and it had felt so right. Natalie had been an honor student, a Girl Scout, volunteered in church and always obeyed her parents. In short, she was a “good” girl, and she was already tired of it.
For several months, Natalie had hidden her new habit from her parents. When they found out, they reacted with both anger and disappointment. She had been adamantly defiant, and continued to smoke. She loved the way it made her feel. She loved the way she looked with a cigarette in her hand. She loved the new friends she had made among the smokers.
The disapproval of others had no more effect on Natalie than her parents’ had. She was intelligent enough to know the potential dangers smoking posed for her health, but in her mind, she had done a careful weighing of the costs and benefits. She watched her diet more closely than ever, and eventually became a vegetarian. She increased her exercise, taking up tennis as a regular sport. She ignored the frowns and stares that came after a match, when, still in her tennis whites, she would sit down at an outdoor table at the club with her mineral water and a cigarette. She thought of it as the perfect fashion accessory with her all-white outfit, and a well-earned reward for her hard workout.
Natalie maintained her straight A average all through high school and college. By the time she reached law school, a couple of Bs crept in, but she still earned a place on the dean’s list and the law review. She thought more than once she would have never made it through the all-nighters and endless papers and tests without the comfort and refuge her cigarettes provided.
The one disappointment in Natalie’s life was her inability to find a life partner. Through her twenties and thirties, she held to her high, exacting standards. She wanted a man with intelligence and drive, and one who was not intimidated by a successful woman. As her fortieth birthday approached, she began to think such men didn’t exist. When she had just about resigned herself to a life alone, she met Greg.
It was an unlikely pairing. Greg was in his mid-twenties, and worked as a bike messenger. One day, he made a delivery to Natalie’s law office, and she had signed for the package. When she handed Greg’s pen back to him, she felt a spark leap between them. It may have been static from the carpet, but from that instant, Natalie was in love.
Greg was movie star handsome; he reminded Natalie of the guy who became famous a few years back by taking his shirt off in a diet cola commercial. They began dating, and the relationship progressed quickly. Greg was also smart and witty, and seemed to have a promising future mapped out. He was only working as a messenger now, but he had all kinds of business enterprises in the works. It was always an issue of financing or some other seemingly temporary problem holding him back.
Natalie heard the first alarm bell when he objected—loudly and strenuously—to her smoking. But she was equally firm in avowing she had no plans to give it up. After that, Greg seemed to back away from the subject. So she was more than a little surprised and angry when, after they became engaged three months later, he brought it up again.
They had decided to draft a prenuptial agreement. Greg, in fact, had been the one who insisted on it. He pointed out that Natalie was far more well off than he was, and said it was only right for her to protect the assets she had worked so hard to build. He only asked for one thing in the prenup: that she agreed to smoke only six cigarettes a day.
Natalie brooded long and hard over the demand. She thought cutting down from the thirty cigarettes she usually smoked each day would be tough, but not impossible. He had shown some flexibility by dropping the demand that she quit entirely. After much deliberation, she agreed.
They were married a month after that, right before Natalie’s fortieth birthday. She had splurged to pay for the wedding of her dreams. They honeymooned in Hawaii, and returned to what was a life of bliss—for a while.
The first big blowup came when Natalie switched from regular-length Virginia Slims to the 120s. She wondered why she hadn’t thought of it sooner. It was like getting more than an extra cigarette each day. Greg angrily accused her of violating the spirit of the agreement, but she pointed out that the prenup had said nothing about the size of her cigarettes.
That one blew over quickly, but far worse was ahead some time later when Natalie had become pregnant. She did everything the doctor asked—with the exception of quitting smoking. Greg told her that she could damn well destroy herself if she so chose, but it was “evil” to subject an unborn child to the damage that smoking could cause. Things grew increasingly stormy as the pregnancy continued. Natalie was so angry she began sneaking extra cigarettes at work. Greg began threatening to leave her. Natalie began to wonder why she had ever married such a controlling man. It was so out of synch with the way she had lived her life until now.
Natalie continued working until a few days before the baby arrived. The labor had been long and difficult, and when her daughter Angela arrived, she had no opportunity to hold her; the girl was seriously underweight, and had to be rushed to the children’s intensive care unit immediately. She still shuddered when she recalled Greg’s fury as he demanded the doctor confirm that Angela’s low birth weight had been the result of smoking. He didn’t seem to hear when the doctor told him that this was a too-common problem for first-time mothers over forty.
But Natalie had been relieved when, after that single volcanic outburst, Greg underwent an immediate transformation into a tender, caring husband and father. The baby had spent a month in the hospital, and now was at home in the care of a nurse while her parents worked.
Natalie pushed any feelings of guilt over her daughter’s situation to the deepest corner of her mind. She finished her cigarette, thought for a long moment, then removed another one from the pack and lit it. She was tired of denying herself this solace, this pleasure. She resolved that when she got home and the nurse had left for the day, she would tell Greg that she considered her prenuptial pledge to be void. He could leave if he had to.
At the condominium they shared, the nurse had already left. Greg had left work mid-afternoon after delivering his resignation to his boss, and on his arrival home had told the nurse her services were no longer needed. He would be taking care of his daughter’s needs from now on.
He had made careful preparations for his wife’s arrival. He checked and rechecked his handgun. First, he would put poor, innocent Angela out of his misery. Then he would make sure her parents joined her in eternal peace.