Barbara told me that tomorrow, when Robbie is home, come over in the
morning like you would normally do. She said that when the time was
right (when none of my and Robbie’s other friends were around), she would
bring up the subject of smoking and that I should tell her that I have
been smoking and that she would then ask me if I wanted to smoke with
her. I asked her what if Robbie said he wanted to smoke (knowing all
along that he didn’t) and Barbara said she knows that Robbie doesn’t want
to smoke because she already had this conversation with him.
With that I agreed, and Barbara asked me if I wanted another cigarette.
She pulled two Kent 100s from her pack and lit us up. I was so turned on
by this that I am sure that Barbara noticed the bulge in my shorts!!
That cigarette seemed to last forever as Barbara and I sat there smoking
and talking about smoking. I asked her about her smoking; when and how
she started, whether she still enjoys it, show much she smokes, and so
on. She told me that both her mother and father were smokers and that
when she was a girl growing up, everyone around her smoked. Her older
sister started smoking at 14 with their parents’ permission (Barbara was
two years younger) and that she was very curious to try it. Her sister
finally let her try it and she recalled how she feel in love with it very
quickly. Her parents and sister smoked Kents, so when she turned 14 she
was given her own pack and took up smoking regularly. “It wasn’t such a
big deal in those days,” she said, adding that most of her friends also
started at that age and that she never felt unusual about it. By the
time she got out of high school (early 1960’s) she had met Robbie’s dad
and was engaged to be married. He was from a very well-to-do family, was
just finishing college and smoked a pipe, so he never questioned her
smoking. She said that it was around this time that the early messages
about the dangers of smoking were being discussed, but that by then she
was smoking a pack a day, was totally addicted to nicotine and couldn’t
think about not smoking.
“Have you always smoked Kents?”, I asked. She answered “yes, I have
tried others but Kents are my favorite,” saying that she switched to 100s
just before she got married because she enjoyed the longer, more elegant
look and smoother taste. As we talked I watched as Barbara drew on her
cigarette; long, slow pulls with the cigarette placed in the corner of
her mouth. She inhaled very casually, not opening her mouth to expose a
ball of smoke but just simply “swallowing” her puffs. Her exhales were
not forced, she usually blew out a long, thick stream a few seconds after
her inhale, followed by two or three shorter ones. She also did a lot of
exhaling while she spoke, and this was very sexy as the smoke exited from
both her mouth and nostrils in perfect straight streams.
I noticed that she was paying close attention to watching me smoke as
well. Although I could not quite match her style and volume of smoke, I
was doing pretty well from someone only smoking for a month or so
compared to this lovely woman who had been smoking a pack a day for about
20 years. “Are you sure you have only been smoking for a few months?”,
she asked. “Yes, why do you asked,” I answered. “Well from the looks of
it you really know how to handle a cigarette. You smoke very nicely,
John and it seems that you have to have been smoking for much longer than
a few months to inhale and exhale as well as you do.” “Thanks,” I
answered, “but I’m not sure I know what you mean.” This was not true as
I knew exactly what she meant, but I was so turned on by all of this that
I just wanted to delve deeper into her question.
“Well, what I mean is that when I see other “young people” your age
smoke, they seem so sloppy with it, as if they are doing it just to be
cool, but you look very sophisticated and really seem to like smoking
very much. You somewhat remind me of myself when I was your age, you
take your smoking very seriously.” I thanked Barbara again for the kind
words and told her that I did enjoy smoking and that I was aware that
sooner or later I would probably have to let others know about it,
including my parents and my friends. “Am I the only person who knows
your secret?”, she asked. I told her about my neighbor Karen, whom she
knew. “Well that’s good, Karen is really nice and I know that she also
loves to smoke, so at least you can run next door for a smoke if you
can’t have one in your house, because if you keep it up, pretty soon you
just won’t want one every once in a while, you’ll need one.” I agreed,
saying that hopefully by that time I would be a little older and wouldn’t
have to worry about hiding it. “Don’t worry about that,” Barbara told
me, adding “let’s just see what happens tomorrow and if everything works
out, you can always smoke here with me.”
That night I thought about the events of the day and couldn’t believe how
lucky I was. I couldn’t help but wonder why Barbara was so cooperative
and encouraging; maybe she really liked watching young guys smoke as much
as I enjoyed watching women smoke? Maybe, maybe, maybe….all of those
thoughts really made me want a cigarette, but I was still a ways away
from lighting up in the house with my folks around. I went to bed,
eagerly awaiting tomorrow.
The next morning I woke after my folks had gone to work. After some
breakfast, I retrieved one of my hidden packs of Salem 100s that Karen
had given me and lit up a cigarette. I smoked it confidently, pretending
that I was talking to Barbara. I had at that moment my first thought of
what was going to happen later in the day and wondered how Robbie would
react. I didn’t really want him to not like me if he knew I smoked, but
I figured how bad could it be, especially with his mom there sanctioning
everything.
Later that morning I walked over to Robbie’s house. We sat around in the
back yard and just before lunch time, went for a swim in the Ervin’s
pool. A short time later, Barbara came out and asked us if we were
hungry for some lunch. She brought out some sandwiches and soda and we
sat around the back yard table and ate. Every couple of minutes or so, I
would look over at Barbara and when our eyes met, she would give me a
wink or a quick smile. As soon as we were finished, Barbara got up from
the table and retrieved her cigarettes, lighter and ashtray. Sitting
back down across the table from me, she pulled out one of her Kent 100s
and lit it up. Robbie was looking at a baseball magazine and was sitting
to my left. Barbara took a deep drag, inhaled, and blew the smoke from
the corner of her mouth in Robbie’s direction, almost knowing she would
get a reaction. She did. Robbie, just waved his hand through the smoke,
looked up at Barbara and said “come on Ma, do you mind?” Barbara
answered with a sarcastic “oh, I’m so sorry dear..” and as Robbie
returned to his magazine, she smiled at me as to say “now’s your chance.”
I said “Robbie, be nice to your mom, why does her smoking bother you so
much?” Before Robbie could answer, Barbara, said “Thank you, John, you
don’t mind if I smoke, do you?” To which I answered, “No, of course I
don’t. Sometimes I wish that my mom smoked.” “Why is that?”, Barbara
answered. “Oh, I don’t know, I guess so that if I wanted to smoke a
cigarette every now and then I could.” Robbie looked up from his
magazine and said, “Yeah sure, you don’t smoke and you wouldn’t want to
especially if your mom smoked all the time.” “How do you know, Robbie,”
I asked, “maybe I do smoke and maybe I wouldn’t mind at all.”
With all of this going on, Barbara jumped in at the perfect time,
offering “have you ever smoked a cigarette, John?” “Yes, I answered.”
“No you haven’t,” Robbie said sarcastically. “Sure I have Robbie, it’s
no big deal.” Now Barbara brought it all to a close, saying “well, John,
if you smoke and would like one now, here, have one of mine.” Taking her
pack and lighter from her hand I said, “Thanks, I think I will,” and
proceeded to light up. Robbie’s eyes almost popped out of his head as I
took a long deep drag and inhaled. Not wishing to be rude, I turned my
head to the other side to exhale, so as not to blow smoke in Robbie’s
direction.
Robbie was transfixed, sitting and staring motionless and speechless for
a few seconds as Barbara and I smoked and shared a repeat chit-chat of
yesterday’s “starting to smoke” conversation for Robbie’s benefit. At no
time did Barbara offer a cigarette to Robbie. Finally Robbie spoke,
saying “I think you are both really dumb, especially you John. It’s not
cool to smoke and it’s really bad for you.” I answered, “I know all of
that Robbie, and I am not smoking to be cool, I am smoking because I
really like it. I won’t try to convince you to try it because I know you
don’t want to, but please don’t stop being my friend if I choose to smoke
every now and then.” Barbara really helped out here too, agreeing with
my words and telling Robbie that she didn’t want him to smoke, but that
if he ever wanted to try it, she would let him.
Over the course of the next few hours, I smoked a few more times when
Barbara would light up. Robbie didn’t seem to put off by it, and Barbara
certainly made it clear that it was fine with her. Later that afternoon
as I made my way home, I wondered about the events of the day. I worried
about Robbie’s reaction and what he would say to our friends. I wasn’t
at all comfortable with everybody knowing that I smoked and wanted to
deal with that on my own terms; I would tell them and smoke in front of
them when I was ready to. But on the other hand, it felt great to know
that Barbara was so cool and open about it and that if I was careful (I
thought), I could spend more and more time with Barbara, whether Robbie
was around or not, and be free to smoke, especially in the company of
such a wonderful woman.
As the summer drew to a close and , for me, the beginning of high school
drew near, I had the chance on a number of occasions to enjoy smoking
with Barbara. To the best of my knowledge, Robbie said nothing about my
smoking to anybody. Maybe he was embarrassed by it or ashamed of it, but
he really didn’t let it affect our friendship. Whenever I was at his
house and Barbara would ask, I would smoke. One afternoon, Robbie and I
were hanging out around the pool and a girl named Catherine from the
neighborhood stopped by. Catherine lived around the block from Robbie
and we had both know her for many years. Catherine’s mom Vicki showed up
a few minutes with a friend of hers named Ann, and everybody went for a
swim. I knew that Vicki smoked and I was pretty sure that Catherine (she
was 14 at the time) probably had tried smoking or was secretly smoking.
This was the first time that summer that I would be “tested” in the
presence of not only another friend, but also other adults. I wasn’t
sure what to make of it because I didn’t know if Barbara would want me to
smoke in front of her friends and other neighborhood kids.
After we had all gotten out of the pool, Barbara went into the house to
get some refreshments, so I followed along to give a hand. As Barbara
began pulling cans of soda from the frig and piled them
into my hands, I noticed her pack of Kent 100s on the counter. She
picked up some plastic cups, filled them with ice and said thanks for
helping. Motioning to her cigarettes I said, “don’t forget your those.”
“Oh, thanks,” she said, putting the cups down for a second and scooping
the pack into the pocket of her pool skirt. “Should I smoke in front of
them?”, I asked. “Do you feel comfortable enough to?”, she answered. “I
think so, but I’m not sure I want everybody to know,” I answered. “Well,
if you decide you want one, just motion to me and I’ll help you break
the ice,” she added.
A few minutes later we were all sitting around the patio table with our
sodas. Barbara got up and went inside, returning seconds later with a
large ashtray. Vicki reached for her purse and pulled out a pack of
Marlboro 100s, removed one and lit up. She was quickly followed by her
friend Ann, who retrieved a pack of Benson & Hedges 100s from her purse.
At that time, Robbie asked Catherine to go out around to the garage with
him to see his new bike or something like that. “Well, that gets rid of
Catherine,” I thought to myself, noticing Barbara as she pulled the pack
of Kent 100s for her pocket. Lighting up, she glanced at me, eye to eye
across the table, looking for a sign. I was excited but at the same time
really nervous, not
sure what to do. I just sat there. The ladies continued sipping their
sodas and drawing on their cigarettes, so, unsure of what I wanted to do,
I just engaged myself into their small talk and watched them smoke.
Vicki wasn’t the most attractive mom in the neighborhood, but she
certainly smoked with style. Ann, whom I had never met before, was
younger than both Barbara and Vicki (I later learned that she was late
20’s and knew Vicki from their church) and was very attractive. She too
smoke with style; nice long, slow drags and open-mouthed inhales, but her
exhales were all from her nostrils and were not forced exhales. She
appeared to inhale her long drags and simply continue her normal
breathing process, so smoke would escape from her nostrils in two long,
thick streams and over the course of the next few breaths, taper off to
thin wisps. The only time smoke escaped from Ann’s mouth was if she
spoke while smoke was still in her
lungs, but this was in small “spoken” puffs while most of the smoke
escaped from her nostrils. This captivated me as I had never seen this
actual style before. I thought about what that must be like and I was
so excited by this exhibit that I decided I wanted to try it right then
and there.
I quickly made eye contact with Barbara and gave a wink and a motion of
my shoulder as a sign. She looked at the pack on the table and motioned
in a questioning way just to make sure. I nodded and like
usual, she dove right into it. “John, you’ve been so patient, would you
like a cigarette?”, she asked. Before I could answer, both Vicki and Ann
looked at each other, glanced at Barbara, and turned to look
at me for a response. Barbara picked up the pack and lighter and slide
them along the table in my direction. Reaching for them, I was both
excited and terrified, but was resolved to go ahead. Barbara
motioned to Vicki and Ann and said, “Oh don’t look so surprised girls,
he’s old enough to smoke.” I wondered if Vicki and Ann just assumed that
this was a stunt Barbara was pulling, or if they had figured out that
Barbara knew that I was smoking and Barbara was permitting it. Vicki
said, “Do you smoke, John?” I knew exactly at that moment what that
question meant. If I was smoking, Vicki had to worry about her daughter
Catherine being around me as I could be a bad influence. Vicki didn’t
know my parents, but I wondered how safe this was. “Yes, I smoke,” I
replied and pulled a cigarette from Barbara’s pack of Kent 100s.
Lighting up, I was once again conscious of smoking well in front of these
adult women, so I carefully drew a clean light and continued to take a
long, full drag.
“How old are you, John?”, Ann asked. “I’m 15,” I answered, exhaling a
long cloud. “You’re not too young,” Ann answered, saying that she
started smoking when she was 12. We all sat there talking and smoking
and without being to conspicuous, I tried a few of Ann’s style of
exhales, just letting the smoke out of my nostrils as I breathed
normally. Vicki was not so easily accepting and she put me through the
third degree about why I shouldn’t smoke and should consider quitting
before it was too late, all this time puffing on her Marlboro 100. The
conversation eventually changed and within a few minutes we had all lit
up another cigarette. Just then, Robbie and Catherine returned and as
they walked over to the table I could see Catherine stop Robbie and say,
“look, is John smoking??” They sat down with us and Catherine said
“since when do you smoke, John?” “For the last few months,” I answered,
casually giving Catherine a fine exhibit of my smoking skills. “Don’t
get any ideas, Catherine,” Vicki said to her daughter in a very parental
way. The conversation just hung for a few seconds, but Catherine
certainly had ideas and she took great interest in watching me smoke.
Barbara, true to form, went right to work. “Vicki, does Catherine
smoke?”, to which Vicki answered, “I don’t think so, do you dear?”
Catherine didn’t answer, she just looked at me as I took another drag.
“Please say no,” Robbie said to Catherine, so with that she just quietly
shook her head in the negative.
A few minutes later, Robbie went back into the pool, followed by
Catherine, Vicki and Ann. I helped Barbara clean up the table and she
said, “I know Catherine either has tried smoking or wants to try it and I
thought I could get Vicki to let her be honest; maybe some other time.”
Either way, that was the last of it and everybody dried off after
exiting the pool and went home. As she was leaving, Catherine said to me
that she couldn’t believe that I smoked in the open in front of her mom
and the other women and that she had tried smoking a couple of times and
really wanted to have one with the rest of us a little earlier. She told
me that I was really brave to do what I had done. I told her that it
wasn’t so easy and that I was really nervous and to please not tell any
of our other friends that I smoked. She agreed and asked me if she could
smoke with me sometime soon if we were alone. I said sure.