Taste the Consequences Part 1 to 8 – Smoking Fetish Story

1. Amanda’s Dilemma.

“Hey, Amanda, how are you doing?”

Amanda Eagle looked up and saw Fred Coleman. She smiled. “Hi, Fred, nice
to see you. I’m fine. And you?”

“Great, thanks,” Fred answered, reaching for some finger food to put on
his plate. He looked over the large crowd at the United Way fundraiser. No
one else had noticed Amanda yet. He took advantage of his chance to talk to
her alone. “Claudia and I got your new book. It’s great. I guess you’ve
done quite well with it. How does it feel to be a celebrity?”

Amanda grinned. “It’s strange, to be honest. For two months I’ve done
book tours constantly. After I was on Oprah a couple months back, sales
absolutely took off. ‘Tasting the Consequences’ has suddenly made everyone
consider me an expert on teenagers. But you and Claudia have known me for
years. You know I’m not as brilliant as my book suggests,” she chuckled.
“But yeah, I’m enjoying my fifteen minutes of fame.”

Fred munched. “You’re too modest, Amanda. Your book’s great for raising
teens. Claudia and I liked it. But our daughters have been friends for
years. So your book especially interested us, since we saw your ideas work
on Jodi.” No one else was horning in on their conversion, so he went on.
“Amanda, I’d like your input on a situation we’re facing with Kate. Can we
talk about it?”

Fred laughed when she hesitated. “You’ve given me lots of free advice
over the years, Amanda. I appreciate all the times you talked to me and
never once sent me a bill. I know you way get too much of that. People
always want free advice from the expert. But Claudia and I might need to
hire you this time. We’ll pay you if you like, even though we’re old friends
and our daughters are, too. I really need your input as to what we should do
with Kate.”

“I don’t give much free counseling advice since ‘Tasting the Consequences’
came out. I do get way too many requests. But you and Claudia are old
friends and our daughters are, too. So sure, shoot. I can help you one more
time. What’s going on?”

Fred lowered his voice. “Kate’s smoking.”

“What?”

“That’s right,” he went on nervously. “Kate’s smoking.”

“My God! How long has this been going on?”

“I’m not sure,” Fred admitted. “For awhile, I guess. You know that
Claudia smokes?”

“No, I didn’t. Well, that explains it then, at least some of Kate’s
decision to try it out, if her mother smokes.”

“But we never had any problem with Kate before, not about smoking or
anything. She’s always the picture perfect teenager. She never had any bad
friends, never acted wild, never stayed out too late or got into trouble,
never talked back to us, and never argued about anything. No, Kate’s been a
perfect 16 year old. Till this,” he sighed ruefully.

“Tell me about Claudia. I never knew she smoked.”

“Yeah, Claudia’s smoked for years. But she’s always been discrete about
it. Most people never knew. For instance, Claudia never smoked inside our
house, at least not till last year when she broke her ankle. Till then she
always went out in the garage or onto the back porch. But after she broke
her ankle she couldn’t move around too well. So she started smoking in our
family room while lying on the couch instead of going out to the garage or
outside. It was only supposed to be temporary, till she was ambulatory
again. Unfortunately, then it was winter. She never exactly got around to
going back out to the garage or on the porch to smoke again.”

“Does Claudia smoke a lot?”

“No, not much at all,” Fred apologized a bit too profusely. “But since
Claudia started smoking indoors last year you can smell it in our family
room. That’s why neither of us realized that Kate was doing it.”

“Now tell me about Kate.”

“Kate’s home alone after school every day. This week she told us that
she’d been curious about smoking for a long time and that she finally she
decided to try it. I guess she’s smoking every afternoon. Now she says
she’s hooked.”

“And how long has it been going on?”

“I’m not sure,” Fred admitted. “Awhile. But Kate says she won’t quit.
It’s not like her. She’s always been so cooperative about everything. But
for some reason she’s really digging in her heels on this one.”

“And what’s Claudia’s reaction?”

“Well, she’s horrified, of course. Claudia feels guilty. She knows her
smoking must have been a terrible example for Kate. She also knows that if
she hadn’t started doing it inside after she broke her ankle last year Kate
probably wouldn’t have tried it.”

Amanda smiled. “Well, Fred, you read my book. You know the ‘Tasting the
Consequences’ principle and how it applies in this case?” He nodded.
“Right. You teach teens not to act destructively like this by forcing them
to live with the negative consequences of their decisions. If I were you,
I’d make Kate start smoking in her bedroom. Don’t clean up her dirty
ashtrays or air out the smell. Plus, get Claudia to step up her smoking.
Have her do it in every room, all the time for awhile. Make your house stink
as much as possible. Once Kate realizes what a nasty, smelly habit it is,
she’ll change her mind.” She sighed. “That’s what I’d do.”

Fred nodded. “We talked about that. But Claudia also suggested something
else,” he said hesitantly. “She suggested I pretend to start smoking, too,
because it’ll freak poor Kate out.” He saw the surprise on Amanda’s face.
“You see, Claudia thinks having all three of us smoke around our house all
the time will gross Kate out. It’d make her want to quit, and make her want
to make us stop, too, of course.” He smiled. “Claudia thinks it also could
give her enough incentive to finally quit smoking herself. She really wants
to, of course. Anyway, that’s what we’re thinking of doing. We want to take
your tasting the consequences theory and use it to make Kate decide she wants
to stop smoking.”

“The tasting the consequences principle nearly always works, Fred. People
are attracted by negative behavior but only until they see everything else
that their negative behavior involves. Once they see that early enough and
starkly enough, it provides real incentive to teens to change. So if you’re
up to it, I think I agree with Claudia. I’d give it a shot. You might try
smoking a little with her. If you do you can almost certainly change Kate’s
feelings about her own smoking before she becomes an addict. Sneaking around
smoking is a lot easier to deal with than actually living in the midst of it
day in and day out, and especially watching your parents do it.”

“Thanks, Amanda. I appreciate the advice. That’s exactly what Claudia
and I thought you’d say based on your book. Hopefully it’ll work. So, how
much do I owe you?”

“Nothing,” she laughed. “We’re friends, Fred. Give my best to Claudia.
Unfortunately I should mingle with some others here at the reception.”

“Yeah, sure, thanks again. We’ll let you know what happens.”

——————————————————————————-

“Tasting the Consequences: A Guide to Effective Child Rearing in the 21st
Century” by Amanda Eagle was the product of years of work by Amanda and her
ex-husband Joe Jacobson, also a professional counselor. Halfway through
writing Amanda caught Joe cheating with another woman, a young girl in his
counseling practice. The divorce was messy. As part of the settlement
Amanda received all rights to the in-process manuscript. Joe’s only credit
in the book for his contribution was a small acknowledgment in the author’s
forward. After the divorce Amanda returned to using her maiden name, Eagle,
and cut all ties to her scoundrel of an ex-husband.

Her daughter Jodi lived with her but retained her father’s last name.
Jodi sided with her mom in the aftermath of the divorce. But the trauma she
felt hit close to home. That, combined with Amanda’s preoccupation with
getting her manuscript published and then with the book promotion left her
teenage daughter alone, emotionally and otherwise. With her mom busy with
her book Jodi began to turn more and more to her best friend Kate for
emotional support. The two girls had been close since middle school. Now
more often that not Jodi spent time after school with Kate, hanging out,
doing homework and talking.

Now Amanda wondered if Jodi was also experimenting with smoking like her
best friend. Fred’s news about Kate’s rebellion worried her. After talking
to him she felt she needed a direct conversation with her daughter on the
subject of smoking as soon as possible. She made a note to herself in her
palm pilot to definitely talk to Jodi right after the United Way fundraiser.

——————————————————————————-

With a new issue of Entertainment Weekly on her lap, Claudia Coleman
contentedly reached for her cigarettes. Picking up her gold Benson & Hedges
100’s, the attractive brunette slowly shook one out. Putting it in her mouth
she took her lighter. She clicked it. A flame erupted. Noiselessly she
guided it deliberately toward the long white cigarette hanging from her lips.
Her cheeks caved in, helping the tobacco properly ignite, and thick smoke
began to flood her mouth. Opening a corner of her mouth she sucked some of
the smoke inside, immediately feeling the welcome relief of the creamy
nicotine-containing substance in her lungs. She took a second puff, pulled
more of it inside, and unhurriedly removed the burning cigarette from her
parted lips. Slowly, effortlessly, a velvety exhale lazily flowed outwards
as she smiled blissfully.

Her daughter Kate entered the room. Claudia smiled affectionately at her
offspring. “Hi, honey,” she said amiably. “Why don’t you join me?”

Kate was almost the mirror image of her good-looking mother. She was a
tall, thin radiant brunette with a charming face and a well-sculpted body.
Kate sat down across from her mom with an expectant smile on her lips.

“Mom, if I didn’t know better I’d say you’re actually glad I’m smoking
now,” she laughed caustically. From her mother’s fingers the pretty teenager
appreciatively accepted an unlit Benson & Hedges.

“Oh, but I am, honey,” Claudia gushed eagerly. She held her lighter
between them, allowing her daughter to follow her lead and light up her
cigarette. “I’m delighted that you’re smoking,” she went on, putting her
lighter down on the table. She raised her cigarette to her lips for a
lengthy drag. “I love you being a smoker like me. Being able to smoke with
you is heavenly, honey. I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

Kate released a luxurious exhale through her own smiling lips. “Really
Mom, don’t you think that sentiment’s just a little twisted?” But the look
on her face confirmed that she didn’t really believe it herself.

“Oh yeah, I suppose it is,” Claudia sighed happily, spewing smoke of her
own. “But I don’t give a damn. For years I felt like a pariah because I
smoked. Your father forced me to only smoke outside or in the garage. God,
I hated that. Breaking my ankle last winter was the best thing ever. It
finally gave me an excuse to smoke inside our house. It was so much nicer.”
She smiled and dragged again on her cigarette. “At that point the only thing
missing was having someone to share my habit with. But now I have you,
Kate,” she laughed gleefully, tapping an ash into the ashtray before exhaling
smoke. “I couldn’t be happier.”

“I’m a very lucky girl,” Kate acknowledged, pausing to hit on her
cigarette. “I don’t have any friends whose moms let them smoke openly like
you do.” She pursed her lips and exhaled. “God, I just wish Daddy wasn’t so
upset over it. He’d blow a gasket if he knew you encouraged me like this.”

“Don’t worry, honey. He doesn’t know it yet but your dad will come
around. After reading Amanda Eagle’s book I realized I had a perfect
opportunity to finally get what I want. I fed your dad her idea about
‘tasting the consequences,’ the principle she talks about in the book. I
told him we can dissuade you from continuing to smoke if he and I both start
stinking up our house all the time. I couldn’t believe it, but your father’s
actually considering pretending to smoke with me as a way to undermine your
interest in our little habit. The poor fool! He intends to see Amanda Eagle
at that fundraiser tonight. He plans to ask her advice.” Claudia giggled
wickedly and drew hard on her Benson & Hedges. “I know Amanda will agree
with my idea. It’s consistent with the theory in her stupid book. So very
soon we’ll get your dad smoking, too. Before long he’ll get hooked just like
we are. Then finally my days of being a pariah because I smoke will be done.
He’ll be one of us, honey. Won’t that be sweet?”

“I think it’d be pretty cool,” Kate nodded eagerly. “I can hardly believe
Daddy will do it. But if he talks to Ms. Eagle I’m still worried about Jodi.
I know it’s all in the plan, but what if she goes ballistic upon realizing
that if I’m smoking it must mean her daughter is, too?”

“Amanda won’t go ballistic,” Claudia predicted. “She’s too committed to
her crazy theory. She’ll use the same “tasting the consequences’ principle
on Jodi, the same one we’re gonna use on your unsuspecting father. Yeah,
unless I miss my guess Jodi won’t need to smoke alone for much longer,
either.”

“I hope you’re right, Mom,” Kate sighed. She smiled. “I do love smoking
with you.”

“I love smoking with you, too, honey,” Claudia acknowledged. “I don’t
care if it’s good for us or not. I’m just glad to finally be living with
another smoker. It’s the best. And hopefully very soon your father will
make three of us in the family!”

——————————————————————————-

Jodi Jacobson was as dark-haired as her mother was blond. Petite with a
round face and pretty smile, she sat at home reading a book when her mother
returned home from the fundraiser.

“Hi, Mom,” she called out when she heard the garage door. “How was it?”

“It was fine,” Amanda answered, entering the family room of their home.
“I talked to Kate’s dad there. He told me some shocking news about your
friend.”

Jodi tensed. Kate told her this was about to happen. But she still
dreaded it. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Amanda went on, sitting down across from her daughter. “Did you
know Kate has started smoking?”

“Oh, yeah,” Jodi nonchalantly replied. “I knew that.”

“Fred was pretty upset about it. I guess he and Claudia were shocked.”

Well, Claudia isn’t exactly shocked, Jodi mused silently. “Yeah,” she
said aloud. “I guess they are, aren’t they?”

“Look, you and Kate spent a lot of time together while I went through the
divorce, finished the book, and then did my publicity tours,” she went on.
“It makes me wonder, Jodi. Have you tried smoking, too?”

Jodi took a deep breath. For months she’d dreaded this moment. Finally
it was here. She nodded. “Yeah, Mom. I have.”

“Oh, Jodi,” Amanda groaned. “How could you?”

“It wasn’t hard,” her daughter said calmly. “Kate said she liked it.
Kate’s my best friend. How could I not try it once she did?”

“How about because it’s really stupid,” Amanda spat back. “Smoking will
kill you. It’s terrible for your health, to say nothing of it being illegal
since you’re under 18. You can get your driver’s license suspended if the
police catch you smoking under 18, you know.”

The raven-haired girl stared stoically at her mother without a word.

“I don’t believe it. How could you do this, Jodi? I wrote a best-selling
book about child-raising, and then you do something stupid like this. It’s
so incredibly humiliating to me.”

Anger began to well up inside the pretty girl. She had to be careful.
She had to channel it just right. “Look, Mom, I’m sorry you think your
reputation as a best-selling author depends on your daughter being perfect.
I’m not perfect. Never have been. But don’t worry. I won’t walk down Main
Street holding a cigarette while wearing a sandwich board that says ‘I’m
Amanda Eagle’s miserable daughter.’ Everything’s not about you, you know. I
have a life, too.”

“I know that, Jodi,” Amanda replied, softening. “But smoking’s so dumb.
It’s such a filthy disgusting habit. No one smokes these days, and for good
reason.”

“Wrong, Mom. Kate smokes. And I smoke.” She let her words reverberate
in the air.

Amanda sighed. She hoped Jodi would show some repentance, some
recognition that she was making a big mistake. Her intransigence was
disturbing. “Well, okay. You know what I’m going to do then?”

Jodi laughed. “Know? Of course I do. I helped you and Dad write the
stupid book. I know all about the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle.
‘Make your teens live with the negative consequences of their supposed
choices,’ you say on page 132. ‘Help your teenagers see all the bad things
that will happen once they choose the path they wrongly believe they want to
follow.’ On page 141 you conclude, ‘After they taste the unpleasant
consequences that flow from the choices they’ve made, finally they’ll realize
that you were right and they were wrong, that as parents you were pretty
smart after all. Most importantly, you can accomplish your goal without
imposing disruptive restrictions or building walls between you and your
teen.’ Isn’t that it?”

Amanda nodded. “So what do you think I’m gonna make you do?”

“I think you’ll make me smoke in the house now because you believe
eventually I’ll learn to hate it,” Jodi predicted. “Based on what the book
says, I also think you’ll join me. ‘Teens may think they want to walk a
particular path. But they’re horrified if they see their parents doing the
same thing. Such a necessary reality check is frequently the first step
toward helping your teens realize the mistakes they’ve made’ I think that
passage is on page 153. So do you intend to smoke with me, to try to gross
me out by doing it with me?”

“You’re too smart for your own good,” Amanda acknowledged. A sarcastic
reaction was exactly what she expected. “You don’t really want to be a
smoker, Jodi. It’s not who you are. Not really. If you and I experience it
together for a few days you’ll quickly see it’s not all that it’s cracked up
to be.”

Jodi grinned malevolently. “Then let’s find out, Mom. I don’t care. I’m
happy to start smoking around the house, in my bedroom, everywhere. And go
ahead and try to freak me out by joining me. I don’t think it’ll work. I
like to smoke.”

Amanda hesitated. The success of the ‘tasting the consequences’ approach
in this situation depended on her daughter not already being addicted to
nicotine. “Uh, how long have you been smoking, Jodi? And how much do you
smoke?”

Jodi smiled. She knew this question would come. She was ready for it.
But her answer needed a little white lie to make it work the way she wanted
it to. “Oh, not long at all,” she fibbed. “I tried it with Kate the first
time a couple weeks ago. I smoke a couple cigarettes now every afternoon
while I’m at her house after school. That’s about it.”

Amanda nodded. It was the answer she hoped for. She didn’t know it was a
total fabrication. In fact Jodi had smoked for six months. Before and after
school, over her lunch hour every day and at other times, the dark-haired
teenager now averaged nearly a half a pack a day. Not as much as Kate, but a
lot more than a couple cigarettes daily. But her mother would never know the
truth, not till it was way too late.

“Okay, fine,” Amanda agreed, believing Jodi wasn’t yet addicted.. “We’ll
do it. Starting right now you’re gonna start smoking in the house. No more
sneaking around. You’ll find out up close and personal exactly what it’s
like to be a real smoker. I’ll smoke, too, and you won’t like me smoking. I
want you to understand the consequences of your stupid decision. Then we’ll
get together in a week to review, to see if you still think it’s such a great
thing to do.”

Jodi assumed her best dramatic thespian persona. “Mom, are you sure you
need to do it, too? I really don’t want you to smoke.”

“Absolutely,” Amanda insisted, pleased by her daughter’s apparent
hesitation. “I want you to be horrified. Nothing’s worse than living in a
smelly house and having a smelly mother. Being a smoker’s a lot more
disgusting than fooling around with it like you did with Kate.” She smiled.
“Her dad’s gonna do the same thing, by the way. He’s decided to start
smoking with Kate and her mom to show Kate just how disgusting the habit is.”

“No?”

“Oh yes,” Amanda smugly replied. “We’ll see how great Kate thinks smoking
is when her mother and her father are both smoking all the time around her.”

Jodi had to show some backbone. If she cowered too much her mom wouldn’t
believe she was sincere. “Well, do your worst, Mom. Kate’s parents can do
the same. I don’t think you’re right about tasting the consequences in this
situation. I like to smoke.”

“I’m sure you think you do,” Amanda self-righteously retorted. “But we’ll
find out now, won’t we?”

Yeah, we sure as hell will, Jodi silently giggled. We sure as hell will!
2. First Taste.

In five minutes Jodi returned to the living room with a pack of Marlboro
Lights 100’s in hand and a disposable lighter. “I’m ready, Mom,” she
announced. “Can I really smoke here?”

Amanda groaned. “Yeah, I guess. God, I sure hate having you smell up the
house, though.”

“You know, we don’t need to do this, Mom. I can go back to sneaking
around.”

“No, we need to,” Amanda said resolutely. “Go ahead and smoke. Your
furtive surreptitious fantasy is over. I want you to learn what it’s like to
be a smoker in the real world.”

Jodi shrugged and got out a cigarette. She put it in her mouth. Despite
having prepared herself for the moment she felt tremendously self-conscious.
Screwing up her courage she clicked her lighter and moved to light up the
dangling cigarette.

Amanda watched with a combination of horror and amazement as her teenage
daughter’s cheeks collapsed around the cigarette. God, her little baby girl
was right in front of her smoking a goddamn cigarette! It felt like a blow
to the solar plexus. All of a sudden she felt queasy.

Jodi was tipping her head back and releasing a thick stream of smoke.
“That’s nice, Mom,” she said with a big smile. “Thanks for letting me do
this.”

Overcome with emotion, Amanda couldn’t speak. It was one thing to
theorize about letting your teenager experience negative behavior in order to
ultimately change her mind. But it was quite another for Amanda to actually
watch Jodi do it, seeing her daughter hold a cigarette and look so very
pleased while doing so.

“What’s wrong, Mom?”

“Nothing,” Amanda bravely answered. “It’s just a little shocking to see
you with a cigarette. That’s all.”

“Gosh, Mom, I’m sorry,” Jodi feigned. She wanted her mom to believe she
cared about her negative reaction. It was all part of her plan. “But
remember, Mom, this was your idea. You’re the one who thinks this will
eventually change my mind about smoking.”

“And it will,” Amanda valiantly agreed. “Don’t worry. I’ll get used to
the sight of it eventually. But that’s an important thing for you to
remember, Jodi, a critical thing to understand. Seeing someone you love
smoking is a truly shocking sight. It’s not at all pleasant. That’s one of
the consequences you need to taste. Wait till your father sees you smoke.
He’ll go totally off the deep end.”

“Fuck him,” Jodi whispered maliciously.

“What did you say?”

“I said, fuck him,” Jodi repeated shamelessly. “He’s a jerk, Mom. I
don’t care what he thinks. He screwed you over, and me, too.”

“Jodi, foul language is never appropriate for a respectable young lady
like you,” Amanda lectured. “Your father may be a jerk but he still loves
you. He cares deeply about you. He’ll be very chagrined if he ever needs to
see you smoking a cigarette like that.”

“Well, I hope he chokes on the sight of it,” Jodi spat back. She
impudently put her cigarette back to her mouth and puffed on it again. “If
you think Dad’s negative reaction will help me decide to quit, you’re wrong,
Mom. I don’t care about him anymore.”

Amanda smiled ruefully as she saw her daughter exhale a cloud of smoke.
“Well, I definitely do understand that sentiment. But please understand that
those you love never like seeing you do something as destructive as smoking,
honey. That’s one of the consequences you need to taste.”

“Speaking of tasting, Mom, didn’t you say you’ll do it with me?” Jodi
waited for Amanda to react. “Isn’t that part of your famous plan? If so,
you should get started. Want a cigarette?”

“My, you’re really feeling mean, aren’t you? Well, I guess there’s no
time like the present to begin. Sure, hand me one of those death sticks.”

The petite teenager handed her mother a single cigarette. Amanda turned
it over in her hand, staring at it. “I never in my life thought I’d be doing
this,” she admitted. “You’re not gonna like watching me smoke, Jodi. You
know that, don’t you?”

The raven-haired girl shrugged. “Yeah, maybe eventually. But right this
minute I think it sounds kind of cool, actually,” she admitted honestly.
“Have you ever smoked in your life, Mom?”

“Never.”

“Then I need to show you the ropes. At first go nice and easy. Don’t
inhale the smoke like I do. It’ll make you sick. First you have to build up
your tolerance by smoking a few cigarettes nice and easy. If you don’t,
you’ll get sick and you won’t ever want to do it again. That’ll be bad,
because then you won’t be able to make me taste all the consequences. Okay?”

“Okay. So, show me what to do.”

“At first you won’t like how it tastes. You need to get used to it. So
just sip on it for now, sort of like sucking on a straw. Blow the smoke
right back out of your mouth as soon as you do it. Eventually you’ll get the
hang of it.”

Amanda nodded. God, she sighed, the things she did to raise her daughter
right! She put the unlit cigarette between her lips and waited. Jodi handed
her the lighter. Obediently Amanda clicked it once, twice, finally a third
time before she got it going.

Amanda lifted the flame to the tip of the cylinder in her mouth and gently
sucked on it as the fire touched the cigarette’s tobacco end. She heard a
soft crackling sound and felt a strange, bitter taste in her mouth. “Ugh,”
she grimaced. “It’s terrible!”

“I told you. At first you won’t like it. But your cigarette got going
okay. Now just suck on it every twenty seconds or so. You’ll get used to it
eventually.”

Amanda did keep on going. Periodically she drew on her burning cigarette
and each time immediately expelled the smoke from her mouth. She still
didn’t like it and said so.

“No one likes the taste of smoke at first, Mom,” Jodi offered. “Gradually
you might develop a liking for it. But that takes awhile. Anyway, you’re
not doing this because you expect to like it. You don’t care if you like it
or not. You only want to convince me that smoking’s a stinky, obnoxious
habit. Right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. But it’s so foul. God, it’s starting to make me
sick.”

“Don’t worry. That’ll pass,” her daughter predicted with a gentle laugh.
She hit on her cigarette. “I really like to smoke, Mom,” she went on
happily, pausing while she exhaled another stream of smoke. “But I don’t
expect you to agree with me.”

“That’s good, because I’m sure I won’t.”

Don’t be too sure, her sixteen year old smugly mused. You might not
always feel that way. Just keep doing it, Mom. You’ll be surprised just how
quick your perception can change.

Jodi had three more cigarettes before bed. Her mom had only one more, and
only to underline her desire to add to the stench in their house. For
Amanda, her second cigarette was a little less noxious. As she went to bed
she wondered if the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle would ever be able
to dissuade her rebellious daughter from continuing to smoke. But having
started down the path, she felt it was important to stay the course. Her
stubbornness was the one character trait Jodi counted on to bring her mom’s
smoking experience to a satisfactory conclusion, one that Amanda never
anticipated.

The next morning Jodi asked Amanda if she’d be allowed to bring Kate over
after school to smoke. Amanda was delighted. As far as she was concerned,
the more smoking that went on in their house the better. Fred and Claudia
were working on Kate in the evenings at their place. But if Kate joined Jodi
smoking at Amanda and Jodi’s for a change, especially inside poor Jodi’s
room, she felt it’d be great for her plan. So she gladly consented. Even
though she hated the stench herself, she believed the addition of Kate
smoking would quicken the ultimate resolution of the ‘tasting the
consequences’ principle.

At school Jodi reported on everything to her best friend. In turn Kate
described her father’s initial foray into smoking the night before. Like
Amanda, Fred nearly choked on his first cigarette. But believing he was
assisting his wife and daughter to leave the habit behind, he smoked, or
mostly did, like it was important. It was, of course, but for Claudia’s
plan, not his.

That afternoon Jodi and Kate settled in at Jodi’s to smoke there for the
first time. The girls reveled in their smoky good fortune. Whether or not
their plans had the results they hoped for on their parents, they enjoyed
freely feeding their budding nicotine habits. And so they did.

Ever since her first book promotion tour, Amanda had been on extended
leave of absence from her counseling job. That afternoon she had a meeting
downtown with her publisher about a second book. Given the success of
“Tasting the Consequences,” her publisher wanted a second manuscript as fast
as possible to capitalize on the popularity of her first book. For weeks
Amanda had been working on an outline for a new book. At their meeting that
afternoon her publisher was unhappy with the outline and she told Amanda.
She was disappointed but promised to redouble her efforts to put together a
more satisfactory outline for a sequel. It would mean more working at home
on the new one, and no more traveling on book tours for “Tasting the
Consequences.”

Amanda arrived home to find Jodi and Kate in the living room. They had
books spread out on the floor and ashtrays beside them. For a moment Amanda
almost forgot about encouraging her daughter to smoke. She was about to
erupt when she remembered. The air in the house was very smoky, very smelly.
That wasn’t bad. After living in it awhile Jodi would learn to resent the
smell. Instead of complaining Amanda approached the teenagers with a big
grin on her face.

“So, I see you two are relishing in your new freedom to smoke in the
open?” Amanda pointed sarcastically at the overflowing ashtrays. “How about
letting me have one of those?” She didn’t really want a cigarette, of
course. But she intended nonetheless to contribute to the room’s growing
unpleasant smell.

“Sure, Mom.” Jodi grinned and handed her mother a Marlboro Light 100.
“Do you want to sit down and join us here?” she asked jovially as she handed
over her lighter.

“No thanks, girls,” Amanda pleasantly answered back, clicking the lighter
and bravely firing up her cigarette. She exhaled a modest cloud of smoke.
“No, I have some work to do in the office following up my meeting with my
publisher. I’ll just smoke in there alone.” She paused. There was no point
in stinking up the office. But there was every reason to add to the
obnoxious smell accumulating in the living room. “On second thought, maybe I
will join you girls,” she said, as she sat in one of the chairs and gazed at
the teenagers on the floor. She grinned at Kate. “I’d love to hear you
explain how you started smoking, Kate.”

The tall 16 year old dragged hard on her cigarette and nodded. “Ms.
Eagle, I know what you and my parents are trying to do to Jodi and me. It’s
not a secret, you know,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes as she began to
release a lengthy exhale. “I read your book, too.”

“Of course it’s no secret, Kate. I don’t believe in parents keeping
secrets. We’re simply letting nature take its course. You think you like
being smokers. Fine. We’ll see if that holds true after we’re all smoking
all the time.” To make her point Amanda put her cigarette to her mouth and
sucked moderately. “Perhaps you and Jodi will change your tune.”

“Maybe,” Kate said. “But I told my parents last night that I doubt it.”

“I understand your mom really wants to quit herself, Kate,” Amanda said,
telling the youngster what she figured was correct. “I think soon your
folks’ participation in this terrible habit, as well as mine, will make both
you girls feel very differently about how supposedly ‘cool’ smoking is.”

“Take another big drag for me, Ms. Eagle,” Kate said, smiling. “Let’s try
a little experiment.”

Amanda lifted her cigarette to her lips and hit on it as requested. She
opened her mouth and blew out the smoke.

Kate saw that Jodi’s mom didn’t inhale. It wasn’t time to fight that
battle; at least not yet. Instead she asked a different question. “Ms.
Eagle, can you honestly say it doesn’t taste a lot better than it did when
you tried it last night for the first time?”

Amanda hesitated. “No, you’re right, Kate. I can’t say that. I’m
getting used to it. No, it’s really not that unpleasant anymore.” She gave
a condescending smile. “But that doesn’t mean I like it, if that’s what you
thought.”

“But it proves my point,” Kate countered. “I don’t mean to be
disrespectful, but Jodi and I knew a lot more about smoking than you and my
dad do, Ms. Eagle. If you keep on doing it like that you’ll start to
understand exactly why we like smoking so much. That’s all.”

Amanda smiled back. “It won’t matter if I do or not, Kate. This is about
all the peripheral unpleasantness, like the way it smells up your bedroom,
the way it makes all your clothes stink, that kind of stuff. Before long you
girls both will see it my way.” She tapped an ash in the ashtray. “But I
guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

“Yep, we sure will,” Kate nodded. That’s right, Ms. Eagle. You sure as
hell will!

Claudia Coleman stopped by at six thirty to pick up her daughter. Amanda
greeted her at the front door. Claudia glanced at the teenagers still
studying together in Amanda’s living room.

“Hello, girls,” the brunette grinned. “Having a good time smoking?”

“Yeah, you know it, Mom,” Kate nodded happily, with a cigarette in her
right hand. “It’s so much less stressful now that Jodi and I are finally
both out in the open.”

“Listen, girls, why don’t you run upstairs to Jodi’s room for a little
while? Amanda and I need to talk for a few minutes in private. Then I’ll
run Kate home. Deal?”

Jodi shrugged. “Sure, Mrs. Coleman. Come on, Kate.” Both girls picked
up their cigarettes. Jodi grabbed one of the ashtrays and the two of them
headed up the staircase.

After they were gone Claudia and Amanda settled into adjoining chairs in
the smoky living room. “I realize that our girls know all about our plan to
convince them to quit smoking,” Claudia began. “But I still thought that
perhaps you and I should coordinate. I understand from Fred that you’re
going to start smoking around Jodi to hopefully shock her into quitting?”

Amanda nodded. “That’s the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle. Jodi
may think she wants to smoke. But seeing me do it will get to her. That,
combined with the unpleasantness of living in a constantly smoke-filled,
smelly house.”

“Correct, and that’s the same approach Fred and I are taking with Kate,”
Claudia corroborated. She lowered her voice. “But if we’re both going to do
that, then maybe you and I should smoke together right now. After all, we
want to keep things smoky, right?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Okay.”

From her purse Claudia removed a pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s. As she
put one in her mouth she noticed Amanda wasn’t doing the same. “Aren’t you
joining me?”

Amanda smiled self-consciously. “Well, I don’t exactly have any
cigarettes of my own,” she admitted. “I just take one from Jodi.”

“Amanda, we need to fix that,” Claudia smiled. “Your daughter won’t think
of you as a smoker if you don’t have your own cigarettes.” Reaching in her
purse she got out a second unopened gold pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s and
gave it to Amanda. “Here, I have an extra. Keep it. Make sure Jodi sees
you with ’em. Tell her they’re yours.”

Amanda looked over the pack. “These are different from Jodi’s.”

Claudia nodded. “Yeah, and from Kate’s, too. These are my brand.
They’re stronger than the Marlboro Lights 100’s they smoke. But that’s good,
you see. It’ll freak Jodi out even more if she sees you smoke a full flavor
brand like mine.” The tall brunette lit up her cigarette. “Smoking’s such a
terrible, terrible habit, Amanda,” she sighed, trying to sound as sincere as
possible. She released a misty cloud around the cylinder that dangled from
her lips. “I’m excited about this project, though. I know it’ll finally
give me the motivation I need to quit smoking myself once and for all.” It
was a lie, but Amanda didn’t know. She hit on her cigarette once more and at
last took it from her lips. “I’m sure you realize just how horrified I was
to learn that my bad example started my poor teenage daughter smoking?”

“Yeah, that’s what Fred said.”

“It really opened my eyes, Amanda, I have to tell you,” Claudia blithely
went on. “But when we read your book we were _so_ encouraged by the ‘tasting
the consequences’ principle. I really think it’ll work on our girls. Don’t
you?”

Amanda still held the unopened pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s on her lap.
“Yeah, I do.” She gave an embarrassed grin. “I don’t know how to open this
thing.”

Claudia laughed. “Here, honey, let me show you.” With her cigarette
hanging from her mouth she showed her friend how to tear off the outer
cellophane and open the inner paper. “There you go,” she concluded. “Now
just tap one out and put it in your mouth. I want our girls to be concerned
about us smoking. Don’t you?”

Inexpertly Amanda managed to remove a single cigarette. She put it
between her lips. “Yeah. Uh, I also don’t have a lighter.”

Claudia shook her head. “Amanda, I knew we needed to talk. You developed
the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle, but you sure as hell don’t have a
clue about how to properly scare the pants off your daughter!” From inside
her purse she got out a second disposable lighter. She gave it to Amanda.
“Keep this one,” she offered. “I’ve got lots more. Anyway, once we finally
convince our daughters they don’t want to smoke, I won’t need all these
disposable lighters anymore.”

Claudia watched as Amanda clumsily lit up the cigarette. Taking it from
her lips, the petite blond discharged an uninhaled cloud of diffuse smoke
from her mouth. Claudia smiled.

“Amanda, honey, let me tell you something. You’re not doing it right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, smoking like that won’t scare Jodi at all. You’re not inhaling.”

Amanda frowned. “Jodi said something about that last night. What is it?”

“Inhaling is breathing the smoke in. Like this,” Claudia explained,
stopping to drag conspicuously on her cigarette. She opened her mouth and
summoned the smoke down into her lungs. “See what I just did? I breathed
the smoke in instead of blowing it right back out.” She pursed her lips and
began an exhale. “You wait a few seconds before letting it out, like I’m
doing right now.”

“Oh, I get it,” Amanda nodded. “I wondered why it looked different when I
tried smoking compared to the way it looked when Jodi did it.”

“Well, that’s why. It’s important for you to inhale the smoke. It’s more
hardcore, like being a real smoker. If you really want to scare your
daughter ?.”

“Don’t worry,” Amanda laughed. “I get it. Just show me again what to
do.”

Claudia raised her cigarette to her mouth. “Before your next puff, empty
your lungs out completely through your nose, like this.” She demonstrated.
“Then take a nice long drag, like this.” The tall brunette wrapped her lips
around the white filter and sucked on her cigarette for three or four
seconds. As she removed it, she opened her mouth wide and breathed in
noticeably. The smoke disappeared into her chest. “See? That’s how it’s
done. Then you wait about five seconds before breathing it out. Like this,”
she explained, finally releasing a steady thin stream.

“And why is it important that I do it that way?”

“Because that’s how real smokers do it, honey,” Claudia laughed. “God,
even our neophyte daughters smoke that way. If you want Jodi to be afraid
that you’re really and truly smoking, you mustn’t miss this opportunity.
Let’s see you try it.”

Amanda understood. As she put her cigarette to her lips she breathed out
through her nose. She covered the white filter with her mouth and began to
drag. Like Claudia, she hit on the cigarette for several seconds. Quickly
pulling it away, she opened her mouth wide and at the same moment breathed
in.

“Oh my,” Amanda startled as she held a chest full of smoke inside. “Ooh,
that’s weird.”

Claudia smiled. Yeah, you stupid bitch, she silently reflected, react to
that! “But it’s not too bad, is it?”

Amanda pursed her lips and began to expel the smoky remains from her
lungs. “Oh my God, that felt _so_ strange!”

“Congratulations, you didn’t cough. Lots of people do the very first
time. So tell me, Amanda. Was it unpleasant?”

The pretty blond noticed wisps of smoke dribbled out from her lips as she
kept breathing. “No, not really, I guess. But it felt so intense, like my
lungs were about to burst or something. It didn’t precisely feel bad. Wow,
though, I’m not sure I can do it again!”

“Oh sure you can,” Claudia cheered her on. “Don’t you want to scare
Jodi?”

Amanda nodded. “Okay, yeah, I guess I can master this.” Raising her
cigarette again she dragged on it in the same way after exhaling through her
nose. Once more she opened her mouth and sucked the smoke down inside her
chest.

“Now wait a little longer this time before finally letting it out,”
Claudia coached. “Yeah, that’s right. That’s good!” Despite herself she
almost laughed at her own inadvertent joke. Yes, it _was_ good, and it’d
only get better the longer Amanda did it.

At last Amanda opened her mouth to let it out. At first nothing happened.
No smoke appeared. Then a thin stream slowly materialized, growing thicker
each second, until at last it ended in a torrent of creamy white smoke
bursting from her lips.

“Very good, honey. Finally you look like a woman who’s actually smoking.”
Her friend sat across from her stoically. “Your reaction?”

Amanda shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt anything quite
like that. It’s so different from just blowing the smoke out.”
Unconsciously she manicured her cigarette in the ashtray between them. “It’s
making my head spin a little bit.”

“Don’t worry, that’ll stop,” Claudia promised. “But I promise. If you
keep doing it that way and inhale like that? Regardless of what Jodi might
say, she’ll get scared, especially if you start to tell her you sort of like
doing it.” The pretty brunette was on a roll. She leaned forward and spoke
with passion. “I told Fred to tell Kate that he’s beginning to understand
why she likes to smoke so much. The more he says that kind of thing the more
it’ll scare her shitless. That’s what we want, isn’t it? We want our kids
to believe that you and Fred might decide to really smoke. Posing won’t
scare them. Yeah, it might stink up your house a little. But the thing
that’ll really scare ’em into quitting is seeing you and Fred act like you
enjoy it and hearing you talk about smoking in a positive way. Trust me,
Amanda. If I understand the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle in your
book, that’ll scare Jodi and Kate faster than anything.”

“You’re probably right,” Amanda concurred. “If Jodi thinks I might join
her and become a smoker, her entire paradigm will shift. Yeah, you are
right. Okay, I’ll play it that way and we’ll see what happens.”

“And that’s why you need to inhale every puff,” Claudia concluded. “If
Jodi sees you smoke that way she’ll believe it when you say you like smoking,
because you’ll be doing it as if it’s true.”

The two women finished their cigarettes and Claudia called up the stairs
to the girls. “Kate, I’m ready. Let’s go, honey.”

Kate bounded down the stairs with her books. “Okay, Mom. I hope you and
Ms. Eagle got all your plans straight,” she said with a devilish twinkle in
her eye.

“You don’t know the half of it, Kate,” Claudia said, winking at Amanda.
“You guys will be wanting to quit smoking before you can shake a stick!”

But outside in the car the conversation between mother and daughter took a
different turn. “So, Mom, how did it really go?”

Claudia was in the midst of lighting up another B&H. As she did she
handed her pack over to her teenager, and the youngster eagerly extracted one
of the cigarettes for herself.

“God, Kate, it was fabulous. Perfect,” Claudia exclaimed, her lit
cigarette hanging from her elated lips. “I taught Amanda to inhale
properly.” She turned her head to exhale a thick stream of smoke around the
dangling cigarette toward her eager daughter. “I told Amanda how important
it is to make Jodi believe she’s really starting to love smoking. To do
that, I told her she needs to inhale her smoke super deep inside her lungs
every single time and then hold it there five seconds or more before she lets
it out.” She laughed at her own wickedness and spewed smoke as she did. “I
gave her a pack of my full flavored Benson & Hedges,” she continued. “If
Amanda pretends to smoke the way I showed her, pretty soon she won’t be
pretending. She’ll be hooked before she realizes what happened. Yeah, I
think it’ll work, honey. I really do.”

“Mom, you’re terrible,” Kate laughed, squirting smoke from her nostrils.
“So basically, your pitch to Ms. Eagle worked just like your encouragement to
Daddy?”

“Absolutely,” Claudia crowed. “Amanda believes the more she smokes, and
the harder she does, and the more she talks about it positively, then the
sooner her wayward daughter will become horrified and want to quit. As if,”
she cackled. “God, she’s playing right into our hands, honey. It’s
perfect!”

“I’m gonna call Jodi tonight and tell her,” Kate sighed. “But if you’re
right, Mom, by the time I talk to Jodi she’ll already have begun to see her
mother play the part of a real smoker. Unfortunately for Ms. Eagle, and
Daddy, we all know neither of them will just be playing for long!”

“Kate, with the techniques I taught them and the approach they’ll be
taking, before long they won’t be able to wait for the next cigarette they
smoke. Then we’ve got ’em!”

3. Tasting Better Than Expected.

Amanda liked Claudia’s suggestion. It made sense. If she didn’t just add
to the stink in the house but also managed to convince Jodi that she was
truly beginning to enjoy smoking, then her daughter would see things
differently. Smoking would no longer be an innocent game, but instead a life
and death battle. No daughter would want to see her mom take up smoking.
Amanda was convinced of it. She decided to immediately use the new technique
Claudia taught her. It’d help Jodi taste the consequences. She was sure
that her 16 year old wouldn’t like them.

They mostly ate dinner in silence. Amanda asked Jodi about school and the
teenager chattered at her mom about some of her classes. As they finally
cleared away the dishes, Amanda decided it was time to put the new phase of
her plan into action.

“I think I’m gonna have a cigarette,” she casually commented. “Want to
join me?”

Jodi intentionally tried to look surprised. Of course she knew this was
coming. She knew what Claudia Coleman had in mind. So she only pretended to
be shocked.

“What are you talking about, Mom?” She was purposely opening the door and
inviting her mother to play the star-struck smoker.

“I don’t know,” Amanda said, a bit too mysteriously. “Before dinner
Claudia and I smoked while you girls were upstairs. I think I’d like to try
doing it again.”

“Uh, okay,” Jodi answered, pretending to be mystified. “Yeah, I’d love a
cigarette.” That was a true statement, and she literally bounded upstairs to
get hers. Upon returning to the kitchen she saw Amanda sitting there with
both an ashtray and a freshly opened pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s on the
table in front of her.

“Hey, where did those come from?”

“These? Oh, Claudia gave me these. They’re Benson & Hedges 100’s. I
guess they’re a little stronger than the brand you and Kate smoke, honey,”
her mother mentioned offhandedly. “After trying them I think I prefer these
to the ones you smoke.”

“Oh,” Jodi said blankly. She wanted to sound confused. “I guess that’s
fine.”

Amanda got a cigarette from her pack and nonchalantly slipped it between
her lips. She took her disposable lighter from her pocket. “Claudia also
gave me this,” she said, clicking it and moving it up to the cigarette in her
mouth. “I suppose I need a lighter if I’m gonna smoke.” Expertly this time
she touched the fire to the tip of the B&H. Instead of a modest drag, Amanda
drew on the lit cigarette for five seconds as she expelled air through her
nose. She then opened her mouth, like Claudia taught her, and sucked the
smoke deep inside. Pausing, she turned to bravely smile at her daughter.
“Aren’t you joining me?”

Jodi was impressed. Her mom did it like a pro. She purposely lowered her
gaze to get herself a cigarette. It wasn’t till Jodi finally lit up that her
mom exhaled a stream of smoke.

“God, Mom! Did Mrs. Coleman teach you to inhale?” The question had to be
asked.

“Oh, this? Yeah, Claudia did,” Amanda said in a deliberately
dispassionate manner. “I’d never tried it before. But it really feels kind
of amazing, don’t you think?”

“Sure. That’s why I inhale,” Jodi grinned. She watched her mom return
her cigarette to her lips for another prolonged drag. Once again Amanda
sucked all the smoke deep inside her lungs and held it in there almost
interminably.

When Amanda had at last exhaled, Jodi felt a need to mention the obvious.
“My God, Mom. You hold the smoke in your lungs even longer than me!”

“Really? Gee, I didn’t notice,” Amanda said with a coy smile. She tried
to downplay it, but hoped it’d give her daughter cause for concern. “When
Claudia showed me how to inhale like this, it just felt totally natural.”

That wasn’t true. She felt incredibly buzzed inhaling. If she wasn’t
already sitting down she’d have needed to. Her head was spinning. But she
couldn’t let Jodi know. Her daughter had to think inhaling smoke like that
had already become second nature.

Mother and daughter smoked the rest of their cigarettes in silence.
Amanda was buzzed enough that she didn’t feel much like talking. Meanwhile
Jodi was content to watch her mom trying to look like a more serious smoker
than she truly was.

After a last puff Amanda finally crushed her B&H out in the ashtray.
“There,” she said ceremoniously. “That was much better than I thought it’d
be.”

Jodi took a last hit on hers and likewise stubbed hers out. “Yeah, it was
great. A cigarette after eating always tastes good to me.”

“And how would you know?” Amanda asked. “I thought you’ve only been
smoking for a couple weeks.”

“Uh, after school Kate and I always have a snack at her house,” the
teenager regrouped. “It always tastes so good to smoke afterwards. That’s
all I meant.”

“Oh.” For the first time Amanda wondered if her daughter had been totally
honest about her smoking history. But she decided not to raise it. She
still felt wobbly and certainly wasn’t up for a fight. She retreated to the
office with a fresh cup of coffee and sat down at the computer to return to
work on her manuscript outline.

As Amanda worked she periodically heard Jodi light up. As she counted she
realized her daughter was smoking about twice every hour. Either Jodi wasn’t
honest before or her smoking pace was increasing at a alarming rate. It
underlined the importance of scaring Jodi into quitting.

Around nine Amanda wandered out and stood by the door to the family room
where her daughter was working on homework. Jodi looked up. “How’s it
going, Mom?”

“Not well, I’m afraid,” Amanda sighed. “My publisher wasn’t happy with
the outline for my new book when we met this afternoon. I’ve got a lot of
work to do real quick. She wants a new manuscript as soon as possible to
capitalize on the popularity of ‘Tasting the Consequences.'” She sighed
again. “How’s your homework?”

“Fine. Want to take break?” The teenager smiled and held up her
cigarettes.

“Yeah, sounds great,” Amanda heaved another sigh. “Let me get mine and
I’ll join you.”

She returned to the family room with her Benson & Hedges 100’s. She
didn’t feel like smoking a cigarette. But she had to keep up the pretense or
Jodi wouldn’t worry. With a smile she sat down across from her daughter and
shook out a long white cigarette.

Jodi already had one of her Marlboro Light 100’s in her mouth. “Here, let
me do the honors for you, Mom.” She clicked her lighter and lit up Amanda’s
cigarette, then her own. Jodi took a lengthy first drag off her cigarette.
“Ah, that’s nice,” the teenager said with a contented groan. “Don’t you
think, Mom?”

Amanda also hit on her B&H a long time. She sucked the smoke deep in her
chest as if it was second nature. “Yeah, honey, it does feel good,
actually,” she replied hesitantly, holding it inside. She wasn’t sure how
much a lie that truly was. She pursed her lips and exhaled. “You know, I
hate to admit this,” she smiled. “But I’m starting to understand why you
like to do this.”

Amanda expected Jodi to react badly but was disappointed. “Yeah, it
really hits the spot, doesn’t it?” her 16 year old agreed enthusiastically
while smoke spurted from her mouth. “I’m not surprised you like it, Mom.”

Amanda returned her cigarette to her lips. Hmm. Apparently she had to
act even more devoted to scare her. “Yeah, I’m amazed how much I already
like it.” She said it with seeming ardor, wrapping her lips over the filter
and this time sucking on it even longer. She opened her mouth and summoned
more smoke deep inside her chest. “It just feels so good,” she sighed
contentedly before she opened her mouth and finally breathed out. “Too bad
it’s so bad for us.”

Jodi smiled. She knew exactly what her mom was doing. But she was
determined to keep her pretending as long as possible. “Yeah, but we won’t
be doing this forever, will we?”

“God, I honestly don’t know about that anymore,” Amanda equivocated,
residual exhales still wafting from her lips. “Smoking’s honestly so much
more pleasant than I ever expected.”

Jodi just nodded. Her mom was obviously trying to get a rise out of her.
Well, she stubbornly refused to take the bait. “Yeah, smoking cigarettes
_is_ really nice,” she simply agreed cheerfully. “I’m glad you finally
understand, Mom.”

It was Amanda’s turn to simply nod. Damn, her daughter didn’t seem at all
concerned about her apparent change of heart. Well, eventually she would be.
She just had to keep at it.

“You know, I never imagined I’d say this or feel this way, but I finally
see why you like to do this so much.” With a purposeful smile she raised her
cigarette up to her mouth, readying it for yet another hit. “I just might
want to keep doing this,” she said with an irreverent laugh.

Jodi nodded. It was time to communicate at least a small glimmer of hope
to her mom and her ridiculous pretensions. “Oh come on, Mom,” she smiled.
“I know you better than that. You’ll never really want to smoke, not like I
do.”

Amanda was releasing an exhale. “You think? Well, maybe not,” she
mysteriously responded. “I guess we’ll just have to see what happens, won’t
we?”

Yeah, we sure as hell will, Jodi thought to herself. I’m ready for that.
I bet you aren’t!

At bedtime they each smoked one last cigarette. As with her earlier ones,
this one really buzzed Amanda. But she tried hard not to show it. In the
process she barely noticed just how easy it was becoming to play the smoker.
More importantly from her point of view, once again Jodi made incidental
noises about their smoking situation not being permanent. Amanda was glad.
Soon Jodi would want to seriously backpedal on this smoking business!

The next morning Jodi smoked a cigarette while getting ready for school.
Amanda didn’t join her. Her throat was parched from smoking the day before.
Jodi was disappointed. But in a stoke of pure genius she made an offhand
comment to her mom that ultimately paid huge dividends.

“Listen, Mom,” the teenager laughed facetiously as she walked out the
front door. “While you’re all alone, I don’t want you smoking all day here
without me. Okay?”

Amanda smiled. “Don’t be silly, Jodi. Of course I won’t.”

But when the teenager left Amanda began to think. God, what a perfect way
to scare her! If Jodi later came home to find ashtrays full of cigarette
butts, her poor daughter would worry more than ever about her.

She did a quick check. Jodi diligently cleaned out every ashtray before
she left for school. That was good. It meant that when she got home
anything in the ashtrays had to be from her smoking. God, it was perfect!
Despite what she told Jodi, Amanda resolved to smoke alone throughout the day
and as a result she’d scare the pants off her daughter!

Instead of starting work on her manuscript outline right away, first she
got her pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s and took it into the office. She sat
down by the computer and shook one out. She sniffed at it before putting it
in her mouth. “God, I’d never do this if I didn’t have to,” she sighed
wistfully. Reluctantly she went ahead and lit up the cigarette. Without
thinking she took a powerful first drag, like Claudia taught her, and sucked
the smoke deep into her lungs.

Nicotine hit her system, and she involuntarily gasped. “Ooh,” she groaned
aloud. She really hadn’t thought about how she’d react. She was unprepared
for the warm sensation she was now feeling inside. She wasn’t ready for the
powerful stimulation she got from inhaling her first chest-full of smoke of
the day. “Oh God,” she whispered in amazement. “What a rush!”

She pursed her lips and released an exhale. She didn’t want to admit it,
but it felt remarkably good. Somewhat surprised by her reaction, she shook
her head and laughed out loud. “Well, there’s certainly no need for me to
really smoke this cigarette,” she reassured herself. “I’ll just set it in
the ashtray. All Jodi needs to see is a bunch of cigarette butts.”

She laid the burning cigarette in the ashtray and went to the kitchen to
get some coffee. By the time she returned the cigarette had burned halfway
down. She looked at it and frowned. “Damn,” she muttered, examining the
situation. The long untouched ash looked like exactly what it was, a
cigarette no one had smoked. “This won’t work,” she grudgingly admitted,
tapping off the long ash and picking it up. “I guess I have to smoke it
after all if I want the remains to look authentic.”

Putting it to her lips she took a second drag. It never occurred to her
to hold back. She simply did it the way she always did, the way Claudia
taught her. The tobacco crackled under the pressure as she sucked hard on it
for several seconds. Then she pulled the smoke deep into her lungs once more
and held it there. She waited.

An intriguing thought process was set in motion inside her blond head.
She liked how the smoke felt inside her. No denying it. The disturbing buzz
she’d felt the day before had been replaced by something else. Instead she
felt a pleasant warm sensation inside. It was a strange combination of
excitement mixed with soothing wellbeing. She finally pursed her lips and
let loose an exhale. God, it was weird. So incredibly weird!

She hit on the cigarette even longer next time, intentionally inhaling her
smoke deeper still. She wanted to see if dragging longer and inhaling deeper
made any difference in the way she felt. While she kept all the smoke inside
her chest, her deep sense of peaceful wellbeing intensified. Without
thinking she finally started to breathe out with her mouth closed, and spurts
of smoke began trickling from her nostrils. The feeling of having smoke
inside her nose gently tickled. But it didn’t feel bad; not at all. And
that was the trouble. At that moment she felt really good.

Since she’d left it to burn unattended at the start, the cigarette was
nearly finished. She thoughtfully manicured it in the ashtray. “God, this
isn’t what I expected,” she said aloud. “I didn’t at all expect smoking to
feel like this!” But she couldn’t admit to herself that she actually liked
the pleasurable feelings she was experiencing with her cigarette at that
instant. Something inside warned her that she couldn’t admit that, even to
herself.

“Shit,” she grumbled, using uncharacteristic language. “Well, it doesn’t
matter how it feels. I need to do it anyway. I have to fill up these
ashtrays so Jodi’s shocked when she comes home.” Mindful of the fact that
not actually smoking her cigarette would make the remains in the ashtray look
inauthentic, she took a final hard drag on her B&H prior to crushing it out.
The same euphoric sensation she felt before slowly enveloped her all over as
she held the smoke inside her chest. Waiting her characteristic five seconds
before exhaling, she shook her head in confusion.

“I gotta be careful,” she told herself. “I need to keep reminding myself
that liking it is totally irrelevant. I don’t want Jodi smoking. That’s it.
Pure and simple. Nothing else matters.”

She turned to her manuscript, trying to think only of revising the outline
for her second book. It was frustrating work, though, because most of her
ideas had already been shot down by her publisher. After an hour, most of it
spent staring blankly at the computer screen, she finally pushed her chair
back and sighed.

“I gotta take a break,” she announced to herself. “More coffee. That’ll
help.”

She went to the kitchen to refill her mug. Returning to the office she
eyed the gold pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s on the table beside the ashtray.
Only one cigarette butt was in the ashtray. She groaned. “I need to keep at
it. There’s no point in doing this unless I keep applying myself and fill
the ashtray.”

So Amanda got out another cigarette. As she lifted it to her lips a
strange sense of anticipation flooded her being. She felt a peculiar hunger
inside, and it was intensifying. The sensation was an odd one; it could only
be called eager expectation. Trying to ignore the curious feelings that were
suddenly raging inside, she clicked her lighter and lit up her cigarette.
Smoke filled her mouth while she emptied her lungs through her nostrils. But
this time the smoke wasn’t merely good. No, this time it tasted absolutely
divine. Despite her better judgment she sucked all the smoke from her long
first drag deep down inside her chest. She could actually feel it begin to
assuage the bizarre cravings budding within her. She didn’t let the smoke
out; not right away. Instead she let it soak in as long as she could hold
it. Finally, unable to keep it in any longer, she opened her mouth to let it
out.

Almost no smoke escaped from her lips. It’d all soaked into her lungs.
But all of a sudden Amanda didn’t care. She wanted only one thing. She
wanted more. She put the smoldering cigarette between her lips so she could
drag on it again, harder and longer than the last time. The smoky fragrance
and exquisite pungent tobacco flavor smelled and tasted heavenly. Her eager
mouth and sinus cavities soon filled to overflowing with the thick rich
substance that she was impatiently drawing into her body. After a six second
drag, she opened her mouth and pulled the smoke into her lungs. A jubilant
sense of elation overwhelmed her as that glorious stuff at last reached its
intended destination. It made her quiver with delight.

“Oh my God,” she groaned, nearly overcome with emotion. “What the fuck’s
happening to me? I don’t believe this!” She opened her lips and began to
breathe the smoke out, slowly, reluctantly. “Damn, this is totally out of
control!” As she said the words they were mixed with an ethereal looking,
blue-gray misty substance escaping from her mouth.

Vainly trying to gather herself, she tapped an ash into the ashtray. For
the first time she worried that she couldn’t control the way she was feeling.
The experience of smoking was becoming almost overpoweringly rewarding and
satisfying. She shook her head. “No, I can do this,” she reasoned with
herself. “I’m in control here.” As if to prove it, she put her cigarette in
her mouth for another drag. This one was shorter, but the result was the
same when she inhaled. She liked it, God damn it. She really did!

She finished the cigarette trying not to overdo. She cut back the
severity of her hits and the depth of her inhales. But by the time she
finally did put it out she felt incredibly good. “Well, at least Jodi will
see I’ve been smoking. And that should frighten her.” The trouble was, it
also frightened Amanda. She didn’t want to get in over her head and, for the
first time, she began to realize that was a distinct possibility.

She smoked one more cigarette after lunch. It was all she could muster.
She was afraid what might happen if she indulged too much or too often. She
returned to her manuscript and tried to advance the outline, mostly in vain.
The ideas simply weren’t coming the way she needed them to.

Jodi arrived home at three thirty. Amanda was still sitting in the office
by the computer. The petite brunette looked at her mother deep in thought in
front of the keyboard. She noticed the ashtray. “Oh my God, Mom,” she
exclaimed. “You’ve been smoking today.”

Jubilant that her daughter noticed and seemed worried, Amanda smiled.
“Yeah, I couldn’t help it,” she said with a guilty tone. “I just felt like
smoking a little by myself. I hope you’re not too upset.”

Jodi put down her books and stood in the doorway to the office. “Mom, I
was kidding this morning when I told you not to smoke alone. I never thought
you might really do it!”

“Honey, smoking’s a terrible habit,” Amanda sternly replied. For the
first time she felt it might have been worth the risk she’d taken earlier by
smoking. “I hope you understand that.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Jodi agreed, unaware of the deep emotional reaction
that smoking had already set in motion inside her mother. But she understood
the game that was in play and she wasn’t about to give ground yet. “Someday
I might want to quit,” she fibbed. “But not today.”

Amanda was crestfallen. She hoped her daughter would immediately
foreswear her cigarettes and give up her habit. Apparently she hadn’t yet
convinced Jodi that she herself might have fallen prey to smoking. So she
put on a pleasant expression. “Well, me neither,” she announced, purposely
trying to sound impudent. “Want to join me for another cigarette?”

Amanda hoped the suggestion would further scandalize Jodi. But it didn’t
seem to. “Sure, Mom,” the teenager announced. “I’d love one.”

Now Amanda was stuck. Shit, she’d have to smoke again with Jodi and
unfortunately she wasn’t sure how she’d react to it the next time. But
bravely she shook out a B&H from her gold pack and placed it between her
lips. “I just put on a fresh pot of coffee,” she said pleasantly. “Let’s go
into the kitchen and we can smoke there.”

Amanda followed her daughter to the kitchen, with an unlit cigarette
dangling. She felt torn. On the one hand she wanted to light it up. But
she was also afraid to. So she decided to put it off as long as she could.
Unfortunately for Amanda, that moment came calling almost immediately. Jodi
poured herself a mug of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Taking a
sip she removed her Marlboro Lights 100’s from her purse and put them in
front of her. “God, I’m really ready for a smoke.”

Amanda sat down across from her daughter. She was, too, and suddenly
admitting it fit perfectly into her plan. “Yeah, me too.” Igniting her
lighter she raised the flame to the tip of her dangling cigarette. It
caught, and Amanda began her one of her usual long, hard first drags.

The smoke filling her mouth again tasted wonderful, almost better than
before. Even if she wanted to Amanda couldn’t have stopped herself from
instantly pulling all that luscious smoke deep down into her hungry lungs.
But she didn’t want to stop, so she didn’t even try to restrain herself.
Instead she simply hurriedly summoned all the smoke inside her body. The
same euphoric sensations that she felt earlier returned in full force. She
looked up and grinned sheepishly at her bemused daughter as she began to
reluctantly exhale. “Nice, isn’t it?” she said simply.

“Yeah, no doubt,” Jodi nodded, releasing an exhale of her own.
Immediately she noticed the subtle change in her mother’s smoking demeanor.
She did seem more dedicated, more eager about it than she’d been earlier.
That was definitely a good sign. Gotcha, she thought silently. You’re
almost a goner, Mom, an absolute goner!

Amanda had returned her cigarette to her lips for a second drag. She
wanted Jodi to be concerned. But that wasn’t the only reason she was smoking
like someone desperate for a cigarette. She felt she had to have it. She
truly did want it and that scared her. So she said so.

“Honey, I’m a little worried about how I’m reacting,” she slowly admitted
after inhaling once more. “I mean, the more I smoke the more I like it.
That kinda scares me. You know?”

“Mom, you don’t fool me,” Jodi laughed. “You’re just trying to worry me.
It’s the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle. Remember, I know all about
it. You think if I believe that you like smoking it’ll scare me and make me
want to quit. Well, get off it. I’m not buying into your little game.”

“I’m not kidding, Jodi,” Amanda protested. “It’s the truth.” She tapped
an ash in the ashtray between them. “Smoking’s become lots more enticing
than I ever thought it could be. Yeah, I started just trying to scare you.
I admit it. But today things started to change when I smoked by myself.”
She stopped to hit on her cigarette. “I actually like it now, honey. I’m
not joking.”

Jodi wasn’t sure if her mom was telling the truth or trying to set her up.
But it didn’t matter. Either way she wasn’t giving ground. “I’m sorry to
hear that, Mom.” But there was also no real reason not to pretend she was
becoming concerned. “Honestly? I simply don’t believe you. Not yet. Maybe
in a couple days I will. But right now I think you’re just toying with me.”

Amanda felt a growing sense of panic inside. “Honey, I don’t know if I
can do this,” she admitted. Despite herself she hit on the cigarette. “It’s
really affecting me. God, I’m not sure exactly why, but it truly is. I’m
not making this up.” Finally she released her exhale. “I may not be able to
keep doing this with you, regardless of the ‘tasting the consequences’
principle.”

Jodi finally realized her mom wasn’t pretending. That gave the teenager a
deep sense of inner satisfaction. She always figured her plan would work,
but she never thought it’d be so fast. Of course, as she thought about it,
why shouldn’t it be quick? After all, her own descent into nicotine
infatuation followed by outright addiction was lightning fast. Perhaps her
mom was just experiencing the same collapse of will that she herself had
encountered months before. Well, whatever. She had to keep her mother going
until she could be sure there was no escape.

She smiled. “Mom, I tell you what. I’m still not sure I believe you.
But fine. You keep it up a few more days and I’ll quit.” She paused. Time
for the big lie. “I really don’t want you to start smoking. I hate to admit
it, but that’d probably make me decide to quit.”

Victory, Amanda groaned. At last! “Okay, Jodi, it’s a deal. I’ll prove
to you it’s real. I’ll keep doing it for a few more days and you’ll see.
Then we’ll both quit. Deal?”

“Deal,” Jodi nodded with a coy smile. God, she hoped she’d played it
right. She hoped a couple more days of smoking would render her mom’s
willpower to resist totally impotent. Reflecting on her own experience, she
was pretty sure she had it pegged just right. It’d happened to her that way.
Hopefully her mom would go down in flames the same way she had.

Jodi made it a point to smoke a couple times an hour, and each time she
sweet-talked her mother into joining her. It wasn’t hard to do.
Unfortunately for Amanda, her newfound smoking gratification was escalating
with each additional cigarette she smoked. She certainly didn’t want to
undermine her plan to scare Jodi, so each time she dragged and inhaled on her
cigarettes just like Claudia had shown her, luxuriously repeatedly bathing
her lungs with lots and lots of thick, rich full-flavored smoke. Never had
she smoked so intensely. The scary thing was, and it really did scare her,
as the evening progressed she felt more and more comfortable smoking.

Jodi was delighted. Till now she’d never been able to smoke as much as
she really wanted. Playing the ‘tasting the consequences’ game with her mom,
she was suddenly free to indulge and enjoy it. She definitely did. Around
eight she got a call from Kate on her cell phone, who reported that things
were also going swimmingly at her house. Like Jodi had with her mom, her
best friend was already noticing a change in her father’s attitude toward
smoking the more he did it. She sensed addiction was already digging in.
Kate and Claudia were thrilled. Things were definitely looking good all
around.

A few minutes after nine her cell phone rang again, just as she finished
another cigarette with Amanda. Assuming it was Kate once more, she clicked
it and simply said, “Yeah, what?”

“Jodi, this is your father.”

The teenager was stunned. She hadn’t talked to him in nearly a year. Her
dad kept himself totally separate from Jodi, and of course from Amanda, ever
since the divorce. She couldn’t imagine why he was calling.

“Well, Dad, this is certainly a surprise,” she said, loud enough for
Amanda to hear. “What do you want?”

Amanda’s ears instantly perked up. Of course she couldn’t hear the other
end of the conversation.

“Jodi, I’ve been a terrible father this last year,” he began. “A lot’s
been happening to me, and I was wondering if maybe you and I could get
together so I can mend some fences.”

“You want to get together? Dad, I haven’t heard from you in a year. So
why should I want to see you?”

“Listen, I know I’ve been an inexcusable jerk. I thought I knew what I
was doing when I ran off with Jaime. I lost my mind or something. I can’t
explain it and I’m not trying to excuse it. But like I said, I’d like to try
and fix things if I can. Can we get together?”

Jodi smiled smugly at her mom. Reaching for her Marlboro Lights 100’s she
put one in her mouth. This was a chance for revenge. “Dad, I’m not sure you
want to get together with me,” she said defiantly. She clicked her lighter.
“I’m smoking now, you see.” She hit on her cigarette and audibly exhaled
into her cell phone, certain that she’d scandalized him.

“Really? You? Oh honey, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, I smoke now, Dad. I’m sure you must be completely appalled.”

There was a pause. “Well, I am sorry to hear that. But I really can’t
say much about it. You see, I started smoking again myself.”

Jodi was astonished. At first she thought she heard wrong. “You?
Smoking? Dad, you’re joking, right?”

“No, honey, I’m not. I can explain how it happened if we get together.”
Another pause. “I suppose I’ll even smoke with you. I’m comfortable doing
that if you are. Say, does Amanda know you’re smoking?”

“Yeah, she sure does know. Mom knows all about it,” Jodi said, grinning
at Amanda. “As soon as Mom found out about me smoking she decided to use
your ‘tasting the consequences’ principle on me. So she’s smoking right now,
too. Right here beside me, in fact.”

“Amanda? Smoking?” He laughed nervously. “God, even though I originally
helped your mom come up with the ‘tasting the consequences’ principle for the
book, it’s hard for me to imagine Amanda actually smoking.”

“Yeah, well, she’s totally doing it, Dad. In fact Mom and I just finished
smoking a cigarette together. You know all about the concept. Mom thinks if
I see her smoke it’ll eventually scare me into quitting. Even though I
understand her plan, I have to admit it just might work.” The last statement
was for solely Amanda’s benefit. The teenager didn’t want her mother to know
her true intentions.

A pause. “So, tell me. How is your mom? Apart from the smoking, I
mean.”

“Oh, she’s fine,” Jodi replied flippantly, exhaling a stream of smoke.
“She was on Oprah a couple months back, you know, promoting the book. She’s
become a real celebrity.”

“I know. I’m glad to hear she’s okay. At some point I need to talk to
her as well. Even though we’re divorced now, I feel like I should try and
mend fences with her, too. So, what do you say, Jodi? Can you and I get
together for coffee? I really want to talk face to face.”

The teenager pondered the request. She hadn’t seen her dad in a long
time. For months she’d hated him. But now his humble request melted her
heart. Plus, not only was he willing to let her smoke, he was apparently
smoking as well. It was so weird.

“Okay, sure. We can get together as long as your promise not to preach to
me about smoking.”

He laughed. “Honey, you forget something. Before our divorce that best
selling book of your mom’s was originally half mine. And like the book says,
neither your mom nor I believe in preaching at kids. I’m not about to start.
I’m not exactly happy you’re smoking. But I’m also not too upset about it.
How can I be, if I’m smoking, too?”

“Okay. Let’s get together. What time? And where?”

“How about tomorrow afternoon after you finish school? I’ll meet you for
coffee wherever you want. We can chat, maybe get to know each other again.
I really want that, Jodi. I made a lot of mistakes this last year and I want
to start doing some things right for a change.”

They agreed on a coffee shop, one that Jodi knew permitted smoking on the
premises. As she hung up her mother practically leaped at her. “So, what
was _that_ all about?”

Jodi grinned. “I’ll tell you, Mom, but I want you to smoke while I tell
you.” She pointed at her mother’s Benson & Hedges 100’s. “So light up with
me and I’ll tell you the whole thing.”

Amanda readily lit up a cigarette. Her nervousness made her smoke it even
harder than usual. “Okay,” she impatiently groaned, smoke twisting from her
lips and nostrils. “Tell!”

“Daddy says he realizes he made a lot of mistakes and he wants to mend
fences. That’s exactly what he said. I don’t know precisely what he means.
But he sounded pretty damn humble if you ask me.”

“You don’t need to swear like that, Jodi,” Amanda interrupted.

“Look, Mom, I hear you say that kind of stuff when you think I’m not
listening. So get off my case, okay? Do you want to hear about Daddy’s call
or not?”

Amanda sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. You’re almost grown up, I guess.”
She smiled. “You sure as hell smoke like a grown up.”

“That’s better,” the teenager grinned. “Anyway, the amazing thing is
Daddy told me that he started smoking, too. That’s why he says he can’t
really criticize me for doing it.” She held her cigarette up to her lips.
After dragging on it a couple seconds, she inhaled deeply. “He says he’ll
let me smoke if I get together with him tomorrow after school.”

Amanda shook her head. “That bastard! I can’t believe he’s so
irresponsible that he’d start smoking!”

“But Mom,” Jodi teased. “Look at you. What do you think you’re doing?”

Her mother was in the midst of a long exhale. “This is different,” she
said defensively. “I’m only smoking because I’m trying to convince you to
quit, to make you ‘taste the consequences.'”

“But you like it, don’t you? You said you do!”

Amanda hesitated. “Yeah, but ?.” She stopped. God, it was true. Damn
it, she _did_ like smoking. And her daughter knew it, too. “Okay,” she
finally admitted. “But that doesn’t excuse your father.”

“Of course not, anymore than it excuses me,” Jodi replied. “But you have
to admit you can now at least sort of understand why Daddy might want to
smoke?”

“It had to that damn bimbo, Jaime,” Amanda mumbled. She smiled, suddenly
realizing that her daughter had caught her swearing. She laughed it off by
compounding her infraction. “Hell, Jodi, I bet you anything that Jaime got
Joe to start up smoking again. Now that I think about it, I remember that
she was a smoker. Your dad used to smoke back in the old days, years ago,
before he and I got serious. That stupid bitch must be the cause of this.
I’m sure of it.”

Jodi shrugged. “I dunno, Mom. Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. I’m gonna
get together with Dad to see what he wants. It’s possible he’s really had a
change of heart. I hope he’s willing to admit he was wrong in the way he
treated you and me.”

“That’d be nice for you, honey,” Amanda admitted, as she manicured her
cigarette. “God, I want you to have a real father. I always felt that way.
So if Joe’s finally willing to mend fences with you, as he calls it, then
it’d be real good for you.”

“Yeah, but Dad also said that he wants to mend some fences with you, Mom.”

“Well, I’m not sure that’s possible,” Amanda answered cynically. She
paused for a long thoughtful drag. She realized, in the midst of the stress
of talking about her ex, she was smoking furiously. She shrugged it off and
tipped her head to release her exhale. “Your dad’s an asshole, Jodi. If he
wants to mend fences with me he needs to eat a hell of a lot of crow!”
Without waiting she hit again on her B&H. “I’ll be nervous as hell till we
find out what he’s thinking,” she admitted, holding smoke in her chest. “I’m
sure you feel the same.”

Jodi nodded. She, too, noticed the intensity of her mom’s smoking picked
up as they talked about her dad. She smiled. Stress is good, she told
herself. Stress is _very_ good. Stress makes budding smokers want to smoke
more. Wickedly, she’d keep talking about her father precisely in order to
keep her mom turning to nicotine for relief. Because Jodi knew, the more
relief her mother sought from nicotine, the more relief she’d need from
nicotine!

4. Escalating Appetite.

The next morning Amanda and Jodi smoked cigarettes together before the
teenager left for school. Like the previous day, Amanda felt tremendous
relief. In truth, she nearly devoured her first cigarette of the morning.
There was no denying she really liked how smoking made her feel. Although
the realization frightened her, and tempted her to try and stop, she reminded
herself if she just kept at it a couple more days Jodi would quit. Then she
would, too, of course. That hope helped her keep her sanity as she returned
to the computer to work on her outline.

Unfortunately, like the day before she found the work frustrating.
‘Tasting the Consequences’ was relatively easy to write. She and Joe did
most of the work on that book together. It was only after the divorce, after
the outlines of the chapters were complete, that she had to finish the book
by herself. Her growing realization that she couldn’t write effectively
without her ex-husband’s assistance irritated her. And the longer she
struggled with the outline on her computer, the more irritated she got.

So she smoked. She smoked as much or more than she smoked with Jodi the
night before, at least a couple each hour. She realized exactly what she was
doing, lighting up one after another, but the truth was she simply couldn’t
help herself. What made it worse, the more frustrated she grew over the damn
outline the more she smoked.

At eleven o’clock she reached for her pack and found it was empty. She
couldn’t believe it. “Oh my God,” she gasped. “I’ve smoked twenty
cigarettes! Shit, I don’t fuckin’ believe it.” However, at the moment that
wasn’t her primary concern. She felt edgy and unfortunately she knew why.
“God, I gotta buy more,” she groaned. “I don’t believe it, but I’m actually
going to go the store to buy myself more of these stupid things!”

Impetuously she got in her car and headed for the convenience store at the
end of her street. Most clerks who worked there barely spoke English. They
wouldn’t recognize her, which was important. She couldn’t be seen buying
cigarettes! That’d be a disaster. Nonetheless, though more than a little
frightened by the realization that she needed to keep smoking, she calmed
herself by remembering that her growing habit meant her daughter would soon
quit. “Jodi and I can do it together,” she said thankfully. “That’ll make
all this shit well worth it!”

Nervous as hell, Amanda walked into the convenience store. She looked
around. It was empty but for a bored young girl sitting behind the cash
register. Unfortunately, the clerk looked totally American. Cursing her
bad luck under her breath, Amanda approached the counter.

“Can I help you?” The young girl was merely intoning her routine query,
but she spoke English every bit as well as she did. Well, Amanda sighed,
nothing to do but press on.

“Yeah, I need a pack of Benson & Hedges,” Amanda mumbled. “No, make that
two,” she said, after thinking how many cigarettes she’d need to carry her
through the next two days.

“Regular or lights?”

Amanda frowned. “Uh, regular, I guess.” With an inquiring look the girl
behind the counter held up a familiar looking gold pack. “Yeah, those are
the ones,” she nodded.

“Box or soft pack?”

“Uh, that one. Soft pack.”

The girl put two packs of Benson & Hedges 100’s on the counter and rang up
the cash register. She looked up at her customer. Suddenly her face
brightened. “Hey, wait a second. I know you. I’ve seen your picture in the
paper and on TV. Yeah, I know you. You’re Amanda Eagle, aren’t you? You’re
the lady who wrote that new book everybody’s reading. What’s it called?
Something about consequences? And weren’t you on Oprah a couple months ago?”

Amanda froze. She was busted. She didn’t know what to do or say. “Uh,
yeah, that’s me, all right,” she finally grinned sheepishly. “I’m surprised
you recognized me.”

“Well, not too many people get to be on Oprah, you know,” the girl
effused. “Everybody was talking about it. So, what’s Oprah really like in
person?”

“Oh, Oprah was great. She’s an absolute dear,” Amanda smiled warmly as
she put a twenty down on the counter. “Oprah’s just as sweet in person as
she always seems on television. It was pretty cool to get to meet her.”

The girl took Amanda’s money and began counting out her change. “So, you
smoke?”

Amanda dearly hoped this wouldn’t happen. But now she had to deal with
it. What could she say to explain this? Of course, this girl was nobody.
Hell, she was working at a goddamn convenience store. It didn’t matter what
she thought.

“Yeah, sort of,” she finally said with a guilty smile. “It’s kind of hard
to explain.”

The girl handed over the gold packs with Amanda’s change. “Hey, no need
to apologize to me,” she grinned enthusiastically. “You’d be surprised by
all the people I see coming in here to buy cigarettes. I bet half of ’em
never admit to anybody that they smoke.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah,” the girl blithely went on. “Probably fifty percent of the
people you know, the ones you think would never smoke, are secretly doing it
when no one’s looking. Of course I smoke, too, so I don’t care.”

“That’s interesting. So you’re saying that lots more people smoke than I
realize?”

“Absolutely, Ms. Eagle. So I assume that you don’t want me to tell the
world I saw you in here buying cigarettes?”

“No, please don’t,” Amanda giggled nervously. “Like I said, it’s kinda
complicated. I’m gonna be quitting real soon.”

The female clerk laughed. “Yeah, everybody says that. Everyone’s just
about to quit. It’s funny, though. They tell me that and then I see ’em
coming in here again, day after day, week after week, buying more and more
cigarettes. Yeah, they all talk about quitting but none of them ever seem to
get around to actually doing it.”

The girl’s comment troubled Amanda. “Hmm, interesting. Well, thanks a
lot. Actually, honey, if you do smoke, then you really should quit, too, you
know.”

“Right, Ms. Eagle, and so should you,” the girl replied impishly. “But
let’s be honest. You won’t, and neither will I. Neither of us ever will.
None of us smokers ever quit, not once we get hooked on these things. We
talk about quitting a lot, but we never follow through.”

Amanda pondered her exchange with the convenience store clerk as she drove
home. The girl was right about one thing. You never knew who might turn out
to be a closet smoker. For instance, she never guessed that her ex-husband
Joe would ever smoke. Undoubtedly none of his patients at his counseling
office had any idea. Plus, in all the years she knew Claudia Coleman, she
never guessed Claudia smoked. There were probably lots more smokers out
there than she ever imagined. Well, that didn’t matter. The only thing she
knew was she wasn’t going to be one of them. No, two more days and it’d be
over for good.

Back at her house Amanda tore the cellophane and the inner paper off of
one of her new packs. She tapped out a cigarette and felt an undeniable
surge of mounting excitement. She shook her head. God, these things were
incredibly alluring! Smoking was so incredibly stupid.

But then she lit up the cigarette. Suddenly it didn’t feel stupid. Not
at all. It felt good, damn good. It felt so right somehow to once again
have a burning cigarette between her lips. It felt wonderful to be smoking,
to feel smoke being pulled down into her impatient lungs. Whether or not it
was bad for her, all of a sudden that no longer mattered. It just felt
incredibly good. She held the smoke from her first inhale deep down in her
chest as long as she could, allowing it to luxuriously soak into her lungs
and willingly permitting it to start quenching her newfound craving for
nicotine.

Amanda knew now. God, she’d been so dumb! That was exactly what had
happened to her. She’d developed a real, honest to God craving for the
nicotine that these cigarettes delivered. She craved nicotine now. No other
way to describe it. The feeling was real, and powerful, too. She wanted
nicotine and she wanted it bad. She no longer cared if it was smart or
stupid to want it. She just did. She desperately wanted to feed herself
more and more nicotine. Hell, she groaned, she might even need it, as scary
as that sounded. Despite the conflicting thoughts raging inside her brain,
she simply couldn’t resist. So she hit on her cigarette (and it was indeed
undeniably her own damn cigarette) and fed herself more of the thing she
desired more than anything else at that moment. She sucked smoke in her
lungs and willingly let the nicotine do its magic down there while she held
the smoke in.

“God, I should’ve known this could happen,” she groaned resignedly, smoke
squirting through her open lips. “But I never thought it’d happen to me, or
that it could happen so fast.” Without stopping she repeated the exercise,
frantically drawing again on her Benson & Hedges 100 and pulling another load
of the full flavored smoke deep inside. As it soaked into her lungs she
finally felt herself begin to relax. With palpable relief she sighed, and
the ensuing smoky discharge floated before her face. She still wasn’t done,
though. Another long drag and one more deep inhale followed. “Oh yeah,” she
whispered, letting out a blissful smoky moan. “God, yeah, I’m finally
starting to feel better.”

She continued to smoke her cigarette furiously. It wasn’t till it was
almost done that she finally felt normal. Crushing it out after a final
drag, she reluctantly released a last smoky exhale from her mouth and sighed.

“Shit, this stupid smoking thing has really, really gotten to me, much
more than I ever thought it could,” she complained aloud. “I feel better
now, at last, but I know soon the same feelings will come back and I’ll want
to smoke all over again. Hell, I’ll need to.” She shook her head. “God, I
got to get control of myself. I can’t let this happen.”

Suddenly an idea occurred to her. Amanda went to the kitchen and found
some chewing gum in a drawer. “Maybe if I chew gum I won’t think about
smoking,” she decided hopefully, putting a stick in her mouth. She bravely
returned to her computer to continue working on the manuscript outline.

But she couldn’t quit pondering what was happening to her. The longer she
kept at this, she knew very well, the harder it’d become for her to finally
quit when Jodi was ready to throw in the towel. Analyzing her state of mind
interminably, she knew she’d never be able to cut down the number of
cigarettes she smoked. No, her prior experience already proved that her
craving for nicotine was continuing to grow in intensity. The momentary
relief she felt each time she indulged merely put off an inevitable increase
in the power of the same cravings the next time. Each cigarette she smoked
only tightened the noose around her neck. Hell, she was already practically
powerless to resist the damn cravings. If they kept getting stronger at the
same rate, before long she’d have no willpower at all left to fight them.

But what could she do? Shit, if she stopped smoking now Jodi would just
laugh at her and probably she’d refuse to ever quit. No, she had to keep
going, for Jodi’s sake if for no other reason, so Jodi could taste the
consequences. Keeping on for two more days would make it lots harder for her
to quit. But she could handle that. She could quit. Hell, she could do
anything if it meant saving Jodi. It didn’t matter if she was getting
hooked. Once Jodi was ready to give it up she’d figure out some way to do
the same, even if deep down she didn’t want to.

As those thoughts spun around inside her head, the clock was ticking and
her manuscript outline wasn’t getting done. Vainly she tried to pay
attention to her project, but she couldn’t seem to come up with an approach
for her second book that made any sense. The longer she stared in futility
at the damn computer screen while chewing her gum, the more only one thing,
one totally other thing, mesmerized her. It was the fact that she wanted to
smoke again.

She took the gum from her mouth and looked at her watch. It was an hour
since her last cigarette. She stood up and walked around to try and distract
herself. No luck. Only one thing was on her mind and it wasn’t working on
the stupid manuscript. It was working on her pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s,
smoking another cigarette. “Just one more,” the temptation whispered. “Of
course, after one more, there’ll be another one more, and then another,” it
teased mercilessly.

It was no use. She had to give in. She couldn’t resist anyway, so what
was the point? That was just it. Till Jodi was ready to quit smoking there
was no point. So she might as well just give in and enjoy smoking till that
happened. It meant quitting would eventually be more painful, but she
couldn’t stand being miserable till then. Shaking one solitary cigarette
from her fresh gold pack she gratefully slipped it between her trembling
lips. Better to consolidate her misery and save it for the finish line that
was a couple days out in the future. Till then she’d just enjoy doing what
she had to. She clicked her lighter and lit up. She took a powerful first
drag. Yeah, she’d just enjoy smoking.

And enjoy it she did. The rest of the afternoon Amanda averaged three
cigarettes an hour and smoked them just like a real smoker, passionately and
fervently, repeatedly inhaling smoke deep inside and relishing the
indescribable stimulation from the nicotine her cigarettes provided. Hell,
it was so easy and so goddamn pleasant. Having given up resisting, she also
found herself working more efficiently on her manuscript outline.

Jodi didn’t come home at three thirty. At first Amanda worried when she
didn’t show up on time. But then she remembered Jodi was meeting her dad
after school. She kept working on her outline and looked forward to hearing
Jodi’s report.

At five thirty she heard the front door open. “I’m in office, hon,”
Amanda called out. “Come tell me all about it.”

Her daughter’s smiling face appeared in the doorway. “Hi, Mom. Man, that
was interesting! I can’t wait to tell you.” Suddenly she noticed the
overflowing ashtray beside the keyboard. “Oh my God,” she gasped. “Mom,
you’ve been smoking like a maniac!”

Amanda pushed her chair back and let out a big sigh. “Yeah, I know,
honey. Look, I told you yesterday I wasn’t kidding when I said it’s getting
to me. The longer I smoke the more I feel I want to. It’s scary.” She
nodded at the full ashtray. “But this definitely proves I wasn’t kidding
when I said it’s getting under my skin. I smoked about three cigarettes an
hour all of the goddamn afternoon.”

Jodi whistled. “Oh my God. But how do you feel about that?”

“Honest? I’m pretty upset.” But she grinned sheepishly. “Needless to
say, though, the fact that I’m smoking like a nicotine addict should tell you
something. I’ve never felt anything like the indescribable cravings I’ve had
all day. I still feel them. They’re always there, growing inside of me in
intensity and power, constantly making me want to smoke more cigarettes.”

With a sigh Amanda reached for her half empty pack of Benson & Hedges. “I
decided that till you’re ready to quit with me I’m not gonna fight it
anymore.” She put a cigarette in her mouth and with a knowing look clicked
her lighter. She took her customary vigorous first drag and sucked smoke in
her lungs. “Oh God,” she groaned in clear contentment, closing her eyes to
savor the moment while her cigarette dangled. “Each time I do this I think
I’m gonna totally bliss out. God, it’s so damn nice.” She let out a
contented sigh. Wisps of smoke escaped around her dangling Benson & Hedges.
“Yeah, so very, very nice!”

Jodi didn’t know what to say. “God, Mom,” she finally uttered. “Either
you’re a fabulous actress or you’ve already got yourself addicted. I don’t
know which is more unlikely.”

“It’s no act, Jodi.” Amanda smiled contritely, hit on her B&H and
inhaled. “No, it’s the real deal; definitely the genuine article.” At last
removing the cigarette from her lips she began a reluctant exhale. “I love
to smoke. There, at last I said it! God, I’ve been so afraid to admit it,
even to myself. But it doesn’t matter now; it’s just so obviously true.
Yeah, I do love to smoke. I can’t deny it anymore. God, the truth is, I
_adore_ smoking!” Again the pretty blond sucked on her cigarette and
beckoned a deposit of the nicotine-filled substance deep into her ready
lungs. “I don’t know how these damn cravings crept up on me so fast. It
doesn’t matter, though. I guess this means that till you finally decide you
want to quit, honey, I’ll be just like you. I’m afraid I’m gonna have to
keep smoking, a hell of a lot more than I ever would’ve thought.” She tilted
her head. At long last she let an unending stream of smoke flow through her
open mouth.

Jodi smiled. “Mom, I’m not surprised. I reacted to it exactly the same
way. Smoking got to me in no time. It happened so fast. Before I knew it,
it seemed I always had to smoke another cigarette.” With no apology the
pretty teenager reached in her backpack and got her Marlboro Lights 100’s.
In a second she had one in her mouth. “We’ve got the same genes. So you’re
reacting to nicotine like I did.” She pointed to Amanda’s lighter. Her mom
understood. She nodded and silently handed it over. Jodi lit up her
cigarette.

As the youngster took an opening drag, Amanda cocked her head. “Well,
honey, if you’re finally coming clean, tell me this. You’ve been smoking a
hell of a lot longer than just two weeks, haven’t you?”

The petite brunette sheepishly nodded. “Yeah, Mom, about six months,
actually. But I didn’t want to tell you. I was afraid you’d be mad if you
knew the truth.”

Amanda hit pensively on her cigarette. “Mad? No, concerned is more like
it,” she brooded, holding her inhale in her chest. “But mad? No, honey, not
mad.” Her exhale began and punctuated the rest of her response. “Hell,
Jodi, I guess it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been smoking. Look at me.
I’ve only been doing it a few days and already I want to smoke all the time.”
She shook her head in mock disgust. “God, I’ve never experienced anything
like it.”

“But you like it, don’t you, Mom? Don’t you? I mean, that’s the reason
you’re upset. It’s because despite yourself you really like smoking.”

Amanda drew on her B&H. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s exactly the problem.
I do like it, way too much.” She pursed her lips and exhaled. “I wish I
didn’t but I do.”

Jodi grinned. “Good for you, Mom. Then finally you understand how _I_
feel. God, I love to smoke. I’ve felt this way for months. But unlike you,
till now I could never just light up another cigarette if I felt like it.
Instead I had to wait, sneaking around like some criminal.” She dragged on
her Marlboro Light 100. “I’m so glad you finally get it. It’s so cool.”

Amanda looked concerned. “Yeah, but Jodi ?? Are you saying you’re not
gonna quit?”

“I didn’t say that,” the pretty teenager fibbed, releasing a cone of
smoke. “I’m just glad you understand why I’ve felt so happy the last few
days. At last I can smoke whenever I want for a change. It’s so great.”
She tapped an ash in the ashtray. “Now you understand how miserable I’ve
been hiding it from you all this time.”

“So, you _are_ still gonna quit with me?”

Jodi hesitated. So far her plan had worked to perfection. But she needed
just a little more time to cement her mom’s nicotine addiction so that Amanda
would neither want to, nor frankly be able to, quit smoking herself. So she
smiled sweetly. “Look, Mom. I said I’d think seriously about quitting and I
will. But please, give me at least a few more days of grace. Let me enjoy
myself a little while. Let me enjoy being a smoker. You know what I mean.”
She hit on her cigarette. “The last few days have been a dream come true.
Quitting is gonna be agony. So don’t make me think about it yet. Okay?”

Amanda nodded. “I understand, honey,” she smiled, pausing to follow her
daughter’s lead and drag on her cigarette. “Today’s Thursday. How about if
Sunday night you and I sit down and plan how we’re both gonna quit smoking on
Monday? We’ll do it next week. Deal?”

Jodi fudged. “Okay, we can talk Sunday night,” she conceded, careful not
to specifically agree to quit even then. She smiled. “Thanks for
understanding, Mom. I’ll really treasure the next few days, though, being
able to smoke whenever I feel like it.”

It was Amanda’s turn to grin, though somewhat sheepishly. “Believe me,
honey, I do understand.” She took a long drag on her B&H. “Unfortunately I
know just how you feel!”

The teenager watched her mom exhale a thin stream of smoke through parted
lips. “And if it’s torture for you, Mom, at least it’s excruciatingly
pleasant torture.”

“That it is, Jodi. That it is. Now, you didn’t tell me about your
meeting with Daddy.”

“Oh my God,” the dark-haired teen gasped. “That’s right, I forgot. It
was crazy, Mom. Absolutely crazy.”

“So? Tell me all about it,” Amanda giggled with a conspiratorial whisper.
“I want to know everything the bastard said and did.”

Jodi tapped an ash in the ashtray. After hitting on her cigarette she
began. “Well, Daddy couldn’t have been nicer. I think he was genuinely glad
to see me,” she said with a smoky grin. “At first it was weird because I had
us meet at a coffee shop where we could smoke. I felt nervous doing it in
front of him. But right away he put me at ease. He said he’s glad I told
him I smoke and I shouldn’t feel at all awkward doing it in front of him.
That helped. So I got out a cigarette and he actually lit me up. Then he
lit one for himself. Man, that was weird,” the teenager giggled. “Seeing
Daddy smoke, I mean. It must’ve been weird for him, too. But pretty soon I
stopped thinking about it. Smoking in front of Daddy began to seem almost
normal. I think it did for both of us.”

Amanda nodded as she crushed her B&H in the ashtray. Without realizing
she was doing so she promptly reached for yet another cigarette. She slid it
between her lips. “And?”

Jodi suppressed a smile. Her mom was smoking automatically. Yes, she
sighed. It was working just the way she wanted. “Well, it turns out Daddy
threw Jaime out last week,” she went on. “You were right, Mom. Jaime was
the one who got him to smoke. I guess Jaime smoked for awhile. When they
moved in together she nagged him into joining her.” She giggled. “Daddy
didn’t look like he felt too guilty now, though. I guess he smokes a lot.”

Amanda released a long exhale. “God, it’s weird to think of your father
smoking,” she said, shaking her head. “But why did he throw Jaime out?”

“He explained that. Daddy said at first he found Jaime’s wild and crazy
attitude toward life appealing. But slowly he realized that she was totally
self-absorbed. Everything was about her; about how Jaime felt, the things
Jaime wanted, and so on. I guess after awhile it got to him. So he finally
asked her to move out and she did.”

“I always knew Jaime was bad news,” Amanda grumbled. “I’m glad he finally
realized it himself.”

Jodi hit on her cigarette and crushed it in the ashtray. It seemed
significant that her mom finished hers earlier and was already smoking a
second one. Not to be outdone, Jodi reached for another one herself. “Daddy
said the reason he never called me was because he felt too ashamed of what
he’d done. But once he got rid of Jaime he decided he needed to make things
right again between us.” She paused to light up. “The last year I’ve been
saying how much I hate him,” she confessed. “But today he sounded so humble
and so contrite. I told him I’d love to start getting together with him
again.”

Amanda smiled bravely. “Great, honey.” She hit extra hard on her B&H.
“Yeah, that’ll be good for you.”

“But Dad also wants to see you, Mom.”

Amanda startled. “God, why?”

“He feels bad about what he did to you. He knows it wasn’t right. He
didn’t even try to excuse himself. He doesn’t expect you to forgive him or
anything. But he did say he’d like to open the door for communication
between you again. That’s all.” She let out a big grin. “He also asked how
you were doing on the sequel to ‘Tasting the Consequences.’ I told him it
wasn’t going too well. Actually, I told him it’s driving you fuckin’ crazy.”

“Jodi!”

“Relax, Mom,” the teenager laughed. “Daddy thought it was funny as hell
when I said it that way. I don’t think he minds me swearing as much as you
do.” She quietly manicured her cigarette in the ashtray. “He’s curious to
see you smoke, I think. He said several times he simply couldn’t imagine
it.”

Amanda was exhaling another thick stream. “Jodi, I’ll be honest. It
doesn’t bother me, either. I’m getting used to you talking that way. It’s
not so bad. After all, you’re practically a grown up. I guess I’m saying I
don’t mind, either, honey. So go ahead and talk however you want. I don’t
care.” She flashed her a guilty grin. “Or maybe I should say I don’t give a
shit,” she laughed impertinently. “You know, I’ve been swearing a hell of a
lot more myself the last few days. Have you noticed?” She blushed as he
daughter nodded. “So, whatever. Let’s call a truce on the subject of
language. From now on I’ll say whatever I fuckin’ want and I’ll give you the
same damn latitude.” Having made her point, she paused for a long drag on
her cigarette. “But yeah, I bet your dad thinks it’d be humorous as hell to
watch his wretched ex-wife struggling under the power of nicotine addiction.”

“Thanks for easing up on my swearing, Mom. I appreciate it. I just like
to say what I feel. I have noticed you swearing more in front of me. I kind
of like hearing you talk like that, to be honest. Saying what you think is
good. Speaking of that, I don’t think that’s what Daddy meant when he said
he’d like to see you smoke. Daddy smokes a lot now. I doubt he’d look down
on you or anything. He’s probably afraid you’ll look down on him, that’ll
you think he’s a dufus because he smokes. But I told him you won’t. I told
him you understand the attraction now and that never again will you look down
on anyone just because they smoke.”

“God, yeah, you’re right about that,” Amanda quickly agreed. “No, I’ll
never again mock anybody because they smoke. Not after what I’ve
experienced.” She tapped an ash off in the ashtray and restored the
cigarette to her mouth. “Yeah, I can comprehend the attraction of smoking
only too well.” With a guilty smile she sealed her lips over the filter and
drew long and hard on her cigarette. “Even after we quit, never again will I
have that derisive attitude I used to toward smokers.” An exhale spurted
from her lips as she smiled awkwardly. “So, is he going to call me or
something?”

“Yep, I think so,” Jodi confirmed. “I told him I didn’t think you’d mind.
Of course, I didn’t promise that you won’t bite his head off.” She giggled.
“I told him you were curious to see him smoking, too.”

“Oh fine, thanks a lot,” Amanda protested, with a raise of her eyebrows
and a subtle shake of her head. “I suppose I am a little curious, though I
still don’t approve. So, what’s he gonna do? Is Joe gonna suggest that he
and I become friends or something? That’d be awful hard after all he put me
through. After all he put _us_ through, I mean,” she added sternly.

“I don’t know, Mom. He didn’t say.” That wasn’t entirely true. But her
father made Jodi promise not to telegraph anything about his intentions. So
she just smiled. “I think you’ll find him very humbled, very willing to eat
crow, like you said last night.”

Amanda hit over and over on her cigarette. “Well, he’ll have to eat a
hell of a lot of it before I treat him like anything but an enemy,” she
muttered angrily. “But I’m glad you and he had a good talk. You deserve a
real father, honey. I’m glad he finally decided to act like one.”

“Me, too,” Jodi grinned. “Now if you don’t mind I want to call Kate. I
promised I’d let her know about my talk with Daddy.” And about your fabulous
smoking progress, she thought. Kate’ll be delighted to hear you’ve taken the
fuckin’ bait; hook, line and sinker!

Jodi talked to Kate and then she and Amanda ate a quiet supper. Both
before and after dinner Amanda smoked like she had all afternoon. Jodi was
delighted that her mom seemed incapable of not continuing to dip into her
newfound enchanted fountain of nicotine delights.

5. Unexpected Visit; Unexpected Results.

After dinner that evening Jodi went to visit Kate and do homework. Amanda
felt too depressed to work on her manuscript outline. So she decided to
treat herself. She settled down by the TV to watch ‘Friends’ and other
Thursday night shows. She realized, though, that to be truly comfortable she
needed both an ashtray and what’d quickly become her ever-present gold pack
of Benson & Hedges 100’s. But she didn’t worry about it. She refused to.
She was fiercely determined not to fret about her budding nicotine addiction.
She’d just smoke till Sunday night when she and Jodi would finally map out a
plan to quit together.

So she turned on the TV. As she reached for a cigarette she realized she
was nearly done with the pack she opened that morning. “Fuck,” she muttered.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she continued to grumble, nonetheless slipping a B&H
between her lips. “I’m smoking way too goddamned much. But I can’t seem to
help it.” A subtle smile crept over her face. “The worst thing is, I don’t
want to help it. I don’t want to stop doing this.” Smiling involuntarily
she clicked her lighter and lit up the cigarette. She took a prolonged drag
for openers. “Ah, that’s so nice,” she groaned, happily sucking the smoke
down into her chest. “I sure as hell understand why people never want to
quit smoking!”

Suddenly the doorbell rang. She startled and swore under her breath. She
was all alone and had a freshly lit cigarette between her fingers. How in
hell could she explain that? Truth was, she couldn’t and she knew it. So
she hit hard on her B&H and sucked more smoke in her lungs before setting the
cigarette in the ashtray. “I’ll answer the door and tell whoever it is to
get lost,” she resolved, although smoke seeped from her mouth and nostrils
without her realizing it. “I don’t have to let anyone in. I’ll tell ’em I’m
busy. And I guess I am,” she grinned guiltily. “Busy smoking.”

Exhaled smoke sill oozed from her lips as she opened the door. It was her
ex-husband!

“Joe! Oh my God! What the hell are _you_ doing here?” she gasped. She
wasn’t aware that wisps of smoke were still dripping from her open mouth.

“I was afraid if I called and asked you’d say I couldn’t come over,” he
explained with an awkward grin. “So I decided to stop by and take my
chances. Can I come in, Amanda?”

“Uh, I don’t think so,” she stuttered.

Joe grinned more broadly. “Ah! And is the reason because you’re
smoking?”

“No, I’m not smoking,” she protested vigorously.

“Oh yes you are. Smoke’s still coming out of your mouth, hon. You
must’ve taken one hell of a big drag before answering the door.” He
continued to grin. “Don’t worry, though. I don’t mind. I’m sure Jodi told
you that I smoke now.”

Amanda tried to cover her mouth, though the smoke was all but gone. “Joe,
I’m not sure this is a good idea. I’m not ready for this. And I’m _not_
smoking,” she continued to assert.

He laughed. “Honey, don’t give me that crap. The smell of smoke’s
sticking to you like bees on honey. Come on, let me in. I won’t bite. I
just thought maybe we can talk a little. And I don’t mind you smoking. It
won’t bother me in the slightest. In fact, if you don’t mind I’ll join you.”

She could see resistance was futile. “I’m only doing it for Jodi,” she
protested, backing away from the door to let him in. “It’s the ‘tasting the
consequences’ principle, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Joe grinned. “Remember, I helped you write that book.”
He looked around. “Hey, the house looks good. You’ve improved it since I
left, haven’t you?”

Decorating had long been one of Amanda’s great loves. “Yeah, Jodi and I
changed the color scheme in the front hall and in the other rooms on the
first floor. We kind of like it.”

“Me, too,” Joe nodded, gazing around as he ambled toward the TV room at
the back of the house. “Ah,” he suddenly declared. “So that’s the cigarette
you’re not smoking!” He noticed the gold pack on the table by her chair.
“Oh my God, Benson & Hedges 100’s! Wow, that’s a full flavor brand, Amanda.
You’re not holding anything back, are you?”

Awkwardly she picked up her cigarette from the ashtray. “I only smoke
them because they’re full flavor. It scares Jodi more if I smoke these,” she
explained earnestly. “That’s the only reason.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Joe laughed, good-naturedly reaching in his coat pocket
to remove a pack of Marlboro 100’s. “The fact that they taste good has
nothing to do with it. Right?”

Amanda felt irritated. Her goddamned ex-husband was teasing her for
smoking. Her nerves were shot. She felt on edge, and it desperately made
her want nicotine. Unable to stop herself, she lifted her cigarette and
prepared to take a drag. “God, Joe, you’re not scoring any points by making
fun of me,” she warned before she hit on it. “Be careful!”

Joe watched in awe as his ex-wife tightly wrapped her lips around her
cigarette’s white filter and applied serious suction. Both the length and
power of her hit were impressive. So was the way she pulled the smoke deep
into her lungs and held it there interminably. He shook his head and
grinned. “Jodi said you were smoking to make her ‘taste the consequences.’
But I must say, Amanda, I never expected to see you do it so passionately,
like you truly treasure the smoking experience, which you obviously do.”

Amanda groaned. “That’s not true. I don’t like it,” she lied, but she
could see he clearly wasn’t buying her line. “Okay, Joe, I admit it’s
starting to get to me a little. But I’m glad, because it’s beginning to
freak Jodi out. ‘Tasting the consequences’ works. You know that. Jodi
doesn’t want to see me get hooked on these damn things. That’s why she’s
gonna quit. She already decided. We’re gonna both quit smoking Sunday
night.”

Without asking Joe sat on the couch. So she sat down across from him.
“Sure, of course,” he nodded sagely. “But it’s significant that you talk in
terms of quitting. A non-smoker doesn’t quit, Amanda. A non-smoker just
stops doing it. I guess it means smoking really _has_ already gotten to you,
hasn’t it? More than just a little?”

Amanda fidgeted. “Maybe more than a little,” she reluctantly confessed.
“Okay, a lot. Yeah, it’s gotten to me a lot, Joe. I admit it. Hell, I
never thought it’d happen, not this fast. But yeah, you’re right. I’m
starting to get too attached to these stupid cigarettes.” She manicured an
ash in the ashtray with a bit too much determination. “It doesn’t matter,
though, because Jodi and I _are_ gonna quit together,” she added with a
forced smile.

Joe shook out a cork-tipped Marlboro 100. He lit up and smiled at his ex.
“Isn’t this weird, Amanda? God, just think. It’s the first time you and
I’ve seen each other in a year and here we are both doing something we’d
never have dreamed of the last time we were together.” He exhaled upwards.
“And it’s something that we both deeply enjoy. Right?”

Amanda grimaced. “I already said, I don’t know what you’re talking
about.” But she returned her cigarette to her lips for another long hit.
“I’m only doing it for Jodi, damn it. That’s the only reason.”

“No, it’s not,” Joe smiled warmly. “You’re lying, Amanda. Maybe you’re
lying to yourself. Don’t give me that bullshit. I know you too well. After
all, we were married 18 years. No, you love it. You absolutely do. I can
tell.” He laughed quietly. “But that’s okay with me, see. I don’t mind
because I love to smoke, too. I can’t imagine being without my cigarettes,
and that’s a simple fact.” As if to demonstrate he lifted his Marlboro 100
to his mouth for a long sumptuous drag. “So I don’t mind if you love to
smoke, Amanda. You can admit it to me. I won’t tell anyone.”

The blond let out a frustrated sigh. “God, Joe, this is goddamn
embarrassing,” she groaned helplessly. Eager for more nicotine she raised
her cigarette and hit on it. “I guess Jodi told you how fast I fell prey to
the allure of these things. But it doesn’t matter. Soon I’m gonna quit. So
is Jodi.” She pursed her lips to exhale. “You should, too, you know.”

“Right,” he nodded with obvious insincerity. “Of course I should quit.
So what else is new? But you know what? I don’t give a damn.” He changed
the subject. “So, how’s the second book coming along? Jodi says it’s not
going too well.”

Damn her daughter. Why did she tell him that? “Oh, Jodi overstates the
truth,” she protested vainly. “It’s not going that bad. No, it just takes
time, that’s all. I’m working on a new outline for the publisher right now.
It’ll be done soon and then I start writing again.”

Amanda’s nervousness made her smoke ardently. That wasn’t lost on Joe.
He was amused to see her leaning on her cigarette for support in a time of
obvious stress. Although Jodi said nothing to him about her plan to keep
Amanda smoking, he nonetheless doubted if his ex-wife actually could quit at
this point.

“Look, honey, I really ?.”

“Hey, Joe. Stop calling me ‘honey,’ okay? I’m not your ‘honey’ anymore,
God damn it. I’m your ex-wife, the woman you left behind when you had your
goddamn mid-life crisis a year ago. You left me. So stop pretending we’re
still friends. Okay?”

Her hand shook as she lifted her B&H to her lips for a long-drawn-out
drag. She sucked the smoke deep inside and stared angrily.

“Point well taken.” He wistfully looked at the ground. “I’m sorry.
You’re right, Amanda. You’re not my ‘honey.’ I did screw you last year.
But believe me, not a day goes by that I don’t regret what I did. I can
never make it up to you or fix that.” He looked up and smiled warmly. “But
I’d like to do something to show you how sincere I am about it. I’ll be
honest. I came to offer my help on the new manuscript.”

Amanda literally exploded. “Why in the hell do you think I need your
help?” She spat out the words. With her hand shaking violently she put her
cigarette to her lips. She dragged hard. “Joe, you’re incredibly
presumptuous. Why should I ever ask you for help?”

He smiled as he saw smoke dribble from her mouth and nostrils. He liked
the sight of Amanda, who he always thought was lovely, smoking like a
confirmed nicotine addict. He cleared his throat.

“The only reason I thought you might want my help is that I remember what
happened when we wrote ‘Tasting the Consequences’ together. For you, the
outline was the hard part. Once the outline was done you were a whiz at
writing the material. Organizing it was a different matter, though.” He
shrugged. “Maybe I’m too presumptuous. But I thought if the publisher was
putting pressure on you for a new manuscript outline I could help.” He
flashed a big smile. “We worked well as a team on the first book.
Remember?”

She thought about her frustration that afternoon trying to focus her ideas
and turn them into a decent outline. She remembered her publisher’s harsh
words criticizing her first try. She sighed. “I’m sorry, Joe. Yeah, you’re
right. I _have_ had a hell of a time organizing ideas for a sequel. Jodi’s
right. The new book’s a goddamn disaster so far.” She took a last long hit
on her cigarette and crushed it in the ashtray. “But we simply can’t ever be
a team again, I’m afraid.”

“I didn’t say we’d be a team, but I’m more than willing to give you a
hand. It’s your book, of course. You’re the famous author now, not me. I
just thought it’s something I can do to try and make up for the shitty way I
treated you by dumping you for that stupid bitch Jaime. A lot of the ideas
for the first book we developed together. I figure the sequel won’t break
totally new ground.” He smiled again. “So, what do you say? Can I help?”

“No strings attached?”

“No strings attached, I promise. Consider it my good faith effort to try
and even the score a little. Not that I can ever even the score,” he went
on. “I realize that.”

For the first time she smiled. “No argument about that,” she beamed.
“Actually, then, I would like some help.” She jumped up. “Let me show what
I’ve got so far. I’d love to have some fresh ideas about to organize this
shit.”

She came back in seconds with pages in hand. He grinned at her. “You
know what, Amanda? In addition to smoking like a fiend you’re salting your
language with a lot of new adjectives and adverbs. What’s up with that? Not
that it bothers me, mind you.”

She flashed him a guilty grin. “I don’t know, Joe. The same time I
started to smoke Jodi and I began arguing about how much she swears. Hearing
her do it sort of made me start.” She shrugged. “I don’t know why. Maybe
smoking turned me into a bad girl or something.” She laughed a bit too
self-consciously. As she did she instinctively reached for another
cigarette.

Joe clicked his lighter and lit her up. Before she could thank him he
went on. “To be honest, Amanda, I don’t mind you smoking or swearing. I
frankly think they both suit you.”

Secretly pleased, she released a thick smoky exhale. “And exactly why is
that?”

“I’m not sure. It does, though, both of ’em. Maybe because smoking and
swearing make you seem less uptight than you used to.” She began to protest
but he shushed her up. “Let’s not fight about it. It’s only an observation.
Take it or leave it. Now let me see that outline. First, though, I’m gonna
join you and have another cigarette myself. I find I think better if I
smoke.”

She laughed and gave her ex a devilishly wicked smile. “God, it’s so
funny you say that, Joe. I thought the same thing earlier today! For some
bizarre reason I found smoking seemed to help me think more clearly.”

He patted the couch next to him. She sat beside him. “Okay, for now
let’s just smoke while we work together. You can quit Sunday if you want.
In the meantime I’m gonna enjoy spending time smoking with you, Amanda. What
do you say?”

She hit on her B&H and snickered. “Joe, can I admit something? I’ll tell
you this but you can’t repeat it to a soul. Promise? I’ve never admitted it
to anyone but Jodi.” At last she tipped her head and exhaled. Despite the
delay the smoke came out of her mouth thick. “I fuckin’ _love_ to smoke,”
she said with an impious giggle. “I really do. There. I said it and I
don’t care what you think. God, I love this shit so goddamn much,” she
tittered naughtily. “It just tastes so incredibly good. Does that make me a
terrible person?”

“No, honey, it just makes you a smoker. That’s all.” He grimaced. “Oh,
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say ‘honey.’ I’m gonna try hard from now on not
to call you ‘honey.’ My bad!”

Conspicuously Amanda rested her head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. No
problem. You can call me ‘honey,’ honey,” she laughed, returning her
cigarette to her lips for an extra long drag. “But oh my God, you’re so
right,” she mused, sucking the smoke in. “Yeah, I never thought about it
till this minute. But I guess it does make me a smoker, doesn’t it?”

Joe was elated. He liked feeling his ex-wife’s head rest there. With his
free fingers he began to gently stroke her blond hair. “Honey, that’s what
we call all the bad girls like you, the ones who never seem to get enough
nicotine,” he whispered softly. “We call them smokers!”

She nuzzled up against him even closer. Shamelessly she hit on her
cigarette. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Just like Jodi and just like you,
Joe, I guess it means I really _am_ a smoker now, aren’t I?” This time
breathing out forcefully through her nose, she watched the smoke escape from
her nostrils. “A smoker,” she sighed dreamily. “A goddamned smoker.”

“I don’t mind,” Joe whispered. He turned his face toward her just as she
hit again on her B&H. “Honest, Amanda, I really don’t mind it at all if
you’re a smoker.”

Their lips were only inches apart. “God, suddenly I don’t mind so much
either,” she sighed blissfully, exhaling once more. And then they kissed.

——————————————————————————-

“So your dad’s getting into smoking?” Jodi eagerly grinned. “You think
he’s down for the count by now?”

“Well, I’m not sure. I don’t know if he’s close to being hooked; not yet,
anyway,” Kate reluctantly admitted, pausing long enough to light up another
of her mom’s delicious Benson & Hedges 100’s. “But Dad’s making progress.
Don’t you think, Mom?”

Claudia Coleman nodded passionately. “Oh yeah, he’s making progress, all
right. Sure as hell. Yesterday Fred smoked half a pack.” She beamed
proudly at the teenagers. “He’d smoke more but for all the damn meetings he
goes to in the evenings. Your mom’s progress is faster because she works at
home, Jodi. She’s tempted to smoke all day. You’re lucky. Fred’s not doing
nearly as well.” She sighed and grinned. “God, poor, poor Amanda. Another
two days should seal the deal. Then she’ll be a smoker forever. The poor
thing will never know what happened. If she keeps smoking like this, pretty
soon she won’t be able to quit even if she wants to, which hopefully she
won’t.”

“God, I sure hope she won’t,” Jodi sighed optimistically “Mom already
admits she likes to smoke. When she’s totally honest she says she fuckin’
loves it,” the teen giggled. “I just hope Mom continues to like it more and
more, so eventually she’ll stop thinking about quitting.” She looked at her
friend. “Hey, can I try one of those?”

“God, yeah, Jodi, you should. Benson & Hedges are yummy,” Kate giggled.
“Is it okay with you, Mom?”

“Sure, why the hell not?” Claudia smiled wickedly. She gave Jodi her
Benson & Hedges. “Your mom smokes these so you may as well. I have a
feeling before it’s over Amanda won’t give a shit. After all, she won’t be
able to smoke anything weaker than these lovely B&H’s, and she’ll probably be
willing to let you join her.”

The brunette accepted a B&H and her friend Kate lit her up. “Mm, these
_are_ good,” she raved. Jodi hit on it a second time. “God, yeah. No
wonder Mom likes ’em so much!”

“They have more nicotine, honey,” Claudia grinned. “That’s what makes ’em
so good. It’s as simple as that.”

Jodi exhaled a cone of smoke. “But isn’t smoking these supposed to be
worse for you than smoking lights?”

Claudia was busy lighting up one for herself. “Truthfully, it’s not
certain.” She smiled and exhaled around her dangling B&H. “Some people say
that since lights have less nicotine, people actually smoke them more
aggressively. They get more bad stuff smoking lights than from smoking a
full flavored brand.” She pursed her lips and let loose a seemingly endless
smoky stream. “But all I know is, girls, the taste is so rich, it’s so
great. God, I’ll never go back to smoking lights myself!”

Jodi hit on hers and grinned broadly. “Uh-huh, I can see why. Maybe I
should start smoking these all the time.”

Claudia tipped her head. “Honey, wait till your mom realizes she can’t
quit. Just a suggestion. If you start smoking full flavor Benson & Hedges
100’s before she realizes she wants to be a smoker herself she might freak
out.”

Jodi thought. “Yeah, good idea, Mrs. Coleman. I guess I can wait.” She
took a sumptuous drag. “But eventually I think I want to start smoking your
brand.”

“No, what you mean is, Jodi, you want to smoke your mom’s brand,” Claudia
corrected her with a sarcastic little laugh. “Hopefully by Sunday night
Amanda won’t mind if you tell her.” She manicured an ash in the ashtray. “I
just hope Fred feels the same soon.”

“He will, Mom,” Kate said encouragingly. “I’m sure Daddy will find
himself hopelessly hooked before too long.”

“I’m sure he will,” Claudia nodded. “And it’ll be great when that finally
happens.”

——————————————————————————-

Naked and perspiring, a contented Amanda lazily rolled over in bed. “Oh
my God,” she groaned happily. “That was great!”

Joe was lighting up a cigarette. He offered it to Amanda without asking.
Nonchalantly the satisfied blond took it between her fingers and raised it to
her lips.

“Oh my God,” she repeated after sucking smoke in her lungs. “What is
this, Joe?”

“This? This is one of my Marlboro 100’s. Like it?”

Amanda giggled. “That’s not what I meant. I meant, what is this we just
did? But to answer your question, yeah, I do like it. It tastes really
good. You know, all my life I’ve heard people talk about how great it is to
smoke after sex. I never understood the big deal.” She took a long hit on
the cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply. “But now finally, I think I get
it!”

He lit up another for himself and laid back with a smile on his pillow.
“Yeah, smoking after sex is the best,” he sighed contentedly. “Glad you
agree!”

The naked blond looked over. “But what I meant was, what is this we just
did? For God’s sake, what did we just do, Joe?”

He shrugged. “We had sex. At least that’s what I thought just happened.”

Amanda giggled. “I know that, dumb-ass. I mean, what did it mean?”

Joe shrugged again. “I dunno. I don’t know if it exactly meant anything.
Being with you tonight turned me on, Amanda, and I guess you reacted the
same. So we made love. It was great,” he groaned, pausing to kiss her on
the cheek. “Really great, by the way.”

Amanda shook her head. “But my God, we’re divorced, Joe. So what in the
hell are we doing fucking each other?”

“Ah, so now it’s not making love? Instead it’s fucking?” He laughed
deviously. “God, you really _have_ turned into a bad girl, Amanda. The
woman I married never called it ‘fucking.'” He stopped to drag on his
Marlboro 100. “I don’t really need to know what it meant, honey. I only
know I enjoyed the hell out of making love to beautiful Amanda Eagle
tonight.” He watched his ex-wife exhale a long thin stream of smoke through
pursed lips. As she finished, he gently kissed them. “I especially love how
you eagerly accepted one of my cigarettes as soon as we were finished. I
really like the new Amanda, Amanda the smoker.”

Shaking her blond head, she dragged long and hard on her cork-tipped
cigarette. “Yeah, well, Amanda the smoker is soon gonna be Amanda the
ex-smoker,” she teased. “I already told you that Jodi is gonna quit Sunday
night, and I’ll be right there beside her.”

Joe frowned. “Amanda, lying here watching you smoke like this makes me
wonder. Is that what you really want?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you don’t look like a woman who wants to quit smoking. Do you?”

She furrowed her brow. “Do I want to? Well, I guess I ?.” She laughed.
“God! You know, I never thought about that.”

“You should, Amanda. You don’t have to quit, you know. The choice is
yours. It’s up to you.”

As she savored the blissful feeling of holding smoke in her chest, she
thought about her ex-husband’s statement before answering. “You mean I could
just say ‘the hell with it’ and keep right on smoking? Shit, Joe! What
would Jodi say if I did that?”

Joe grinned. “I don’t think Jodi would be all that unhappy. In fact, I
suspect it’s exactly the result she’s secretly hoping for.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, I do. Jodi loves to smoke, Amanda. It’s so obvious. Just open
your eyes and look. Jodi’s not interested in quitting. Not at all. She’s
already hopelessly addicted to nicotine.”

“I know she’s been smoking lots longer than she first admitted. Yeah, she
might be addicted, now that I think about it.” She laughed. Hell, it took
no time for her to get addicted. Already she wanted to smoke constantly. So
why should Jodi be different? “Yeah, but then why has she seemed so upset
about me smoking all the time?”

Joe laughed. “Is Jodi really upset, Amanda? Or are you simply assuming
she is?”

Again she hesitated. “God, I don’t know. Jodi does seem to like smoking
with me. You know, maybe I _am_ the one who just assumes she’s upset by the
sight of her mom sucking on these goddamn things all the fuckin’ time.”

“Bingo. I don’t think Jodi cares one bit if you keep smoking; that is, as
long as you let her keep smoking, too.”

“But Joe. Jodi’s only 16. It’s not legal for her to smoke.”

“Yeah, and it’s not legal for her to have a glass of wine at dinner,
either. But we started letting her do that when she was 13.”

Amanda frowned. “But what about my professional reputation? And the
book? People will think I’m a shitty mom and a no-good counselor if they
learn my daughter’s a smoker.”

Joe grinned. “Aha. Now _that’s_ the issue. You’re worried about your
professional reputation. But what will the same people think of you if they
find out that _you_ smoke?”

She hit on her cigarette one last time before putting it out in the
ashtray beside them on the bed. “God, I don’t know,” she confessed. “I’ve
never thought about any of this!”

He smiled. At least she was finally thinking about it. Quitting was no
longer a given. And that pleased Joe, for selfish reasons. “Amanda, you
need to decide what you want. Not what you think you _should_ want, and not
what other people _think_ you should want, but what you yourself really want.
If you want to keep smoking, I think you should. It doesn’t matter what
anyone else thinks of you, or of Jodi.”

A devious grin crept at the corners of her mouth. “And what about you and
me, Joe? Is all this part of a plan that we’ll start seeing each other
again? Because I’m not sure that’ll happen. Yeah, we fucked tonight and it
was great. But I’m a long way from letting you move back in here, you know.”

“I understand,” he protested. “I’ll be totally honest, honey. I made a
mistake running off with Jaime. I know that. I screwed up my life. I
didn’t realize how good I had it. But if there’s any hope at all for you and
me to ultimately get back together, it’ll be a lot easier if you’re a smoker.
Because I’m not quitting, whatever you and Jodi decide. I’m just not.” He
grinned. “Given the way you seem tonight, I doubt you’d do very well being
around other smokers if you weren’t smoking yourself anymore.”

Amanda shuddered. “God, it’s the truth! Just smelling a cigarette makes
me start to salivate. If I quit I wouldn’t be able to stand being around
smokers.”

“If,” Joe repeated. “The key word is ‘if.’ You’ll decide whether or not
that little word ‘if” is going to happen. Personally, Amanda, for selfish
reasons I hope the answer is no. I hope you decide not to quit, because you
don’t have to. I’d love the chance to spend time smoking with you again.”

“But God, Joe, all that health shit they always talk about ?.”

“Yeah, but that’s all it is, Amanda. It’s horse shit. Smoking’s not as
bad as they try and make it sound. I’m not saying it’s good. But for
instance, I don’t worry about Jodi. Hell, by the time she’s old enough to
have problems from smoking they’ll cure cancer ten times over.” He frowned
and hit on his cigarette. “The reputation issue is tougher. Once people
know you smoke they treat you differently. Me? As a general rule I simply
don’t let anyone know. What they don’t know they can’t use to hurt me. It’s
hard during the work day but I can handle that. The hassle’s worth it, to
get to keep smoking the rest of the time.” He smiled warmly at his ex. “I
suspect you could handle it, too, Amanda, if you really wanted to.”

Brooding deep in thought, she slowly nodded. In an absent-minded motion
she reached for another cigarette. Joe happily provided one from his pack.
He gave it to the beautiful naked woman lying on the bed beside him. Amanda
smiled guiltily as she held it by her face. “God, Joe, see what’s happened
to me? I can’t stop smoking and it literally took no time at all for it to
hook me.” She let him light up the Marlboro 100 that she held in ready
position. The flame caught and for a long time she drew forcefully on the
burning cylinder. Eventually she pulled a generous smoky deposit deep inside
her unmistakably eager body. “Do you want to know the truth? What I’d
really like? I’d love to keep smoking. God, I really and truly would!” She
tilted her head to exhale a smoky stream away from him. “But till you just
mentioned it, it never occurred to me that I could.” She quickly hit on it
again. “So if you put it in terms of what I want, God, that’s scary. It’s
clear what I’d like to have happen.” She exhaled straight upwards this time.
“Shit, I’d like to do this constantly from now on until forever.”

Joining her, Joe also lit up another Marlboro 100. Unlike Amanda he
talked through his exhale, purposely pushing his smoke towards her as he
spoke.

“Honey, then just do it. Go ahead. Here’s the deal. We all do the
things we do because they represent what we think we want. I left you for
Jaime. I thought I was doing what I wanted. Turns out I was wrong, dead
wrong. Finally I realized it. That’s why I’m back. You may think you want
to quit smoking, or that you should quit, or whatever. But before you do
make absolutely sure it’s what you really want. If it’s not you’ll regret
it, like I regret leaving you.” He smiled wistfully. “Thankfully, as far as
smoking goes, you can change your mind real easy. You can start smoking all
over and not miss a beat once you realize quitting was a fuckin’ mistake.
It’s not that simple when your decision hurts someone you should’ve taken
good care of. That’s my problem, not yours. The key for you is, you need to
make a choice, Amanda. Hey, suddenly you discovered that you love to smoke.
You didn’t count on it happening and so now you’re considering quitting. But
only do what you want deep down inside. Do what’ll give you the most
happiness. From where I sit, honey, the thing that’ll make you happiest is
to keep smoking and not worry about it. That’s my take.”

She tapped an ash in the ashtray. “God, Joe, it kills me to hear you talk
like that. Shit, I don’t want to quit smoking,” she whimpered, brushing a
tiny tear from the corner of her eye. “God, I really, really don’t. I’d
like to keep smoking forever. I never want to stop; ever!” Putting her
cigarette to her mouth she drew on it a long time. “And I hear what you’re
saying about the health shit. That won’t deter me, honestly. I like smoking
way too much to care about that.” Smoke began to mix with her words but she
paid no attention. “I’m gonna have to think about all this.” She smiled at
him. “Thanks for listening and thanks for caring.”

“Honey, I do care. I truly do.” He gently kissed her cheek. “But I
don’t expect you to take me back, now or ever. Any time we spend together is
a bonus for me.” He hit on his cigarette and sat up abruptly. “But hey, we
should work on the manuscript outline,” he announced. “What time will Jodi
be home from Kate’s?”

Amanda startled. “Oh my God, Jodi! I forgot. She’ll be home soon.
Shit, she can’t see us like this!” Putting her cigarette in the ashtray she
grabbed her clothes in a rush.

Joe laughed. “And why not? Are you ashamed you fucked your ex-husband?”

“No,” she retorted, pulling on her panties. “But I don’t want her to
think it means something about us if it doesn’t.”

“And what does it mean, Amanda? Any clue?”

She smiled sweetly as she put on her bra and reached for her blouse and
slacks. “You said some very nice things, Joe. But I still don’t know
precisely how I feel. I need time, time to process. Hell, you’re a
counselor. You know how emotional processing works.” Impetuously she
reached for her cigarette. She took a quick drag before buttoning her shirt
with the cigarette still between her fingers. “I did love fucking you
tonight, though, baby,” she teased wickedly. She giggled and exhaled while
shaking her head in mock disgust. “God, not only am I smoking and swearing.
Hell, I’m even fucking a guy who’s not even my husband anymore!”

“Yeah, you’re a real bad girl, Amanda,” he laughed as he began to dress
himself. He quickly kissed her before she finished her exhale. “But I like
you that way. So I intend to be as much of a corrupting influence on you as
I possibly can.”

“Like brazenly encouraging me not to quit smoking?”

He pinched her ass. She squealed. “Yeah, that and a hell of a lot more,
baby. A hell of a lot more!”

Amanda sighed. It was the first time she called him ‘baby’ since the
divorce. And he returned the favor. Maybe there was a chance. Maybe they
could restore their relationship. She hit hard on her cigarette and smiled
to herself while holding the inhale inside. God, if they did then continuing
to smoke would be almost a necessity. She mused deviously. Of course maybe,
just maybe, it was gonna be a necessity with or without Joe. She tipped her
head and reluctantly let out a smoky exhale. She had to seriously think
about that!

6. The Taste of Necessity.

Jodi got home at ten that evening. She knew her dad was planning to visit
her mom, and that he intended to sweet talk her into reconciliation. The
anxious teen didn’t want to distract them from whatever happened, but she
also didn’t want to be there if her mom exploded. She feared Amanda might.
Her mom had been very bitter about her dad’s past conduct. Jodi didn’t blame
her. She only hoped her dad was sincere when he said he wanted to mend
fences with her.

Arriving home she cautiously opened the front door and listened. She
heard quiet talking coming from the office where the computer was.

Approaching the doorway she peeked in. Her dad was at the keyboard typing
feverishly. Her mom stood behind him, smiling. A Marlboro 100 burned in the
ashtray. It was her dad’s. But her mom also had a cork-tipped cigarette
between her fingers. From the number of butts in the ashtray they’d
obviously both been smoking like chimneys for awhile.

None of that was a surprise to Jodi. The surprise was that Amanda’s
blouse was untucked and partly unbuttoned. Her dad’s shirt was also rumpled
and untucked.

“Hi, honey,” Amanda grinned. “You knew Joe was coming over, didn’t you?
God, you should’ve told me. I bet you didn’t really have homework to do with
Kate. You wanted to clear out so he could plead his case in private.”

“Yeah, and I see it worked,” Jodi grinned. “Dad’s helping you with the
outline.” She laughed. “And with smoking, I see.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t need any help smoking,” she grinned back. She put the
cigarette in her lips and drew on it for over five seconds. “I’m enjoying
trying out your dad’s brand,” she offered, holding her inhale inside. “His
Marlboro 100’s are pretty damn good!”

Joe chimed in. “Jodi, your mom’s turning into quite the smoker. I’m
trying to talk her into not quitting with you. How would you feel about
that?”

Jodi couldn’t believe her good fortune. But she restrained herself. She
didn’t want to ruin everything by reacting too enthusiastically. “Oh
really?” She wanted to see her mom’s reaction. “Is that true, Mom?”

Amanda didn’t want to commit herself, either. She hadn’t had time to
think it through. She didn’t want to scare Jodi by seeming too enthusiastic
if her daughter didn’t like the idea. So she was purposely evasive. “Your
dad did his best to work on me. He tried to convince me I shouldn’t quit
with you. I guess I’m thinking about it. That’s about all I can say right
now.”

Jodi nodded slowly. She didn’t know how to react. So she equivocated,
too. “Well, let me know what you decide, Mom. Obviously your decision will
have a huge impact on me.”

Joe interjected to change subjects. “The good thing is the manuscript
outline is going great. Amanda and I’ve been working on it awhile.” He
looked up and grinned. “Don’t you think it’s coming along pretty well now?”

“Your dad’s been a huge help, Jodi. His offer to kick around some new
ideas finally broke through the barriers I’ve struggled with the last few
days.” She gently rested her hand on Joe’s shoulder. “It’s been
surprisingly pleasant to work with him again.”

The teenager leered at her parents. “Hmm. It looks like the manuscript
isn’t the only thing you worked on together tonight. Am I right?”

Amanda gave her daughter a severe look. “Jodi! It’s none of your goddamn
business!”

“It sure is my goddamn business,” she shot back, but with a big grin. “If
you and Dad are sleeping together I think I have a right to know.”

“Jodi, you’re right. Your mom and I slept together. We fucked tonight,”
Joe answered blandly. “But Amanda made it very clear that the fact we did
doesn’t mean anything. I still have a long way to go to earn back her
trust.” He sweetly looked up at his wife, who was hitting on her cigarette
behind him. “Fair statement?”

The pretty blond expelled smoke from her nostrils. “Yeah, fair statement.
You described it to Jodi more graphically than I would have. But yeah, we
fucked, though we’re still a long ways from making love.” She smiled.
“Maybe it’ll happen eventually. Like he said, Jodi, we need to see what
happens. You don’t fix what happened between us with one evening of bliss.”

“Yeah, but at least it was bliss and not screaming,” Jodi noted happily.
“God, I’m glad to see you get along civilly. And I’m really glad the
outline’s coming along better.”

“We’re gonna get it finished tonight,” Joe said, still typing furiously.
“I can stay till it’s done, Amanda, if that’s okay.”

She manicured her cigarette in the ashtray and grinned. “This is more
progress than I ever made working by myself. So I’ll stay up all night if
necessary, Joe.”

“It won’t take _that_ long,” he laughed, pausing for a drag. “Okay,
Amanda, now look at this paragraph here. You think this might go better
there, ??”

Jodi left them working on the outline. She didn’t need to be there and
didn’t want to be. God, this was better than she imagined. Not only had her
dad started to smoke, but her mom was considering not quitting. Best of all,
they were working and laughing together. What the hell was there for her not
to be happy about?

——————————————————————————-

Amanda was fast asleep. She heard a noise coming from somewhere far away.

“Mom, Mom, get up. God, it’s late!”

She opened her eyes and blinked. “What? What time is it?”

Her daughter stood over her. “God, Mom, it’s almost eight. I let you
sleep as long as I could. I’m leaving for school. Don’t you have stuff you
have to do today?”

“Yeah,” Amanda groaned, blinking vigorously, vainly trying to get herself
fully awake. “God, yeah, I do.”

Jodi slowly came into focus by her bedside. “Mom, if you don’t hurry
you’ll be late. Come on, get your ass out of bed.”

Amanda tried to get up. She felt so goddamn tired! “God, I feel like
shit. I was up till two working on that goddamned outline with your dad.
What time is it anyway?”

“Nearly eight,” Jodi repeated. “You better get moving!”

Amanda nodded and swung her legs out of bed. Her mouth was dry and her
throat parched. She felt awful. But then she smelled something. God, it
smelled delicious! She looked. Her daughter had a lit cigarette by her
side.

She stared blankly. Jodi was fully dressed and had her backpack on.
Clearly she was about to go out the door, but nonetheless she was smoking.
“You look like you’re about to go,” she said groggily. “So what’s up with
the smoking?”

The teenager grinned sheepishly. “Simple, Mom. I wanted to load up as
much nicotine as I could before I have to get on my goddamn bus.” She saw
Amanda staring covetously at her cigarette. She smiled. “You want a drag?”

Amanda hesitated. Normally she would’ve felt sharing a cigarette was
gross. But she felt an unexpected, overpowering urgent need to take a drag
as soon as possible. “Yeah,” she slowly nodded, full of eager anticipation.
“God, yeah, I really would. I think a drag is just what I need right now.
Thanks, honey.”

Without comment Jodi gave her mom her cigarette. Still very groggy,
Amanda hungrily took it in her fingers and brought the burning cylinder to
her mouth. She took a real long hard drag. God, it felt good and tasted
divine! She sucked the welcome smoke in and promptly hit on it a second
time, inhaling even deeper. It felt like a transfusion of essential life
support.

“Oh God,” she groaned, still dazed as she reluctantly gave it back.
“Thanks, honey. Damn, that tasted good!” Smoke grudgingly dribbled from her
lips. “Shit, you’d think I smoked enough last night so that I wouldn’t need
this first thing.” The smoke was flowing out now. “But God, I think I
really need a cigarette of my own before I can get myself going.”

Jodi opened her backpack to get her pack of Marlboro Lights 100’s. “Here,
have one of mine.” Amanda gratefully accepted it and put it in her mouth.
She waited impatiently for her daughter to get her lighter. Jodi was both
amused and delighted by this development. “God, Mom, you look like shit.
But that’ll change as soon as you get yourself some yummy nicotine.”

Amanda knew Jodi was right. She didn’t merely want the cigarette. She
fuckin’ needed it, and the nicotine it provided! When her daughter’s lighter
was ready Amanda leaned toward her. She zealously caught the light and
immediately dragged, much longer and harder this time. It quickly expanded
into a double-pump.

“God, where’d you learn to do that?” Jodi asked. “The double-pump, I
mean?”

“I dunno,” Amanda sleepily replied, smoke spewing from her lips after her
frenzied hits. She dragged again. “I just did it. I guess it just felt
like I needed to do it that way. Shit, I’m becoming such a goddamned
addict!”

“Yeah, you sure are. I can tell,” her daughter beamed. “Look, Mom, I
gotta go. You’ll feel better once you smoke a little more.” She leaned over
and playfully gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. “Be good today, Mom. And
don’t smoke too much,” she added with a sly wink.

“Oh, I will,” she groaned as Jodi ran downstairs to catch her bus.

Sitting up in bed, Amanda dragged on her cigarette. It tasted different
somehow. God, it was one of Jodi’s lights! That was why. Somehow it just
didn’t seem quite good enough.

“These dame things don’t have nearly the nicotine my Benson & Hedges do,”
she grumbled angrily, stumbling out of bed. “And right now I need more
nicotine. God, I gotta get one of my Benson & Hedges. I need to smoke a
real cigarette!”

Still puffing furiously on her daughter’s Marlboro Light 100, Amanda
staggered down the stairs and into the office. There she retrieved her gold
pack of Benson & Hedges 100’s and quickly liberated one. With no delay she
lit it up from the cherry of the one Jodi gave her. A powerful surge of
nicotine entered her body from her full flavored cigarette. She sighed
gratefully. “Yeah, that’s better,” she groaned, hitting on it a second time,
and then a third.

She now had two cigarettes burning, one in each hand. No one could see,
so she guiltily smoked them both at once, chasing each hit on the weaker
Marlboro Light 100 with a long sumptuous drag on her more flavorful B&H.
Slowly she began to feel better.

She groaned. “Damn, I can’t believe I’m smoking two at once. That’s
crazy, twisted. God, I’ve turned into such a fucked up addict. The worst
part is I don’t even give a shit right now. I just want smoke and nicotine;
more and more of it, as much as I can get.”

She almost crushed out the Marlboro Light 100 in the ashtray. But somehow
she couldn’t bring herself to. Truth was, she didn’t want to waste any of
its precious smoke, weak though it was. Instead she furiously smoked both
cigarettes in tandem till they burned down to the filters. At that point she
at last put them out. But she promptly lit up a fresh B&H for herself. She
began to smoke that one a bit less frantically.

As she sat there she realized she’d been up less than 15 minutes and was
smoking her third cigarette of the day. “God, I’m _so_ out of control,” she
whimpered helplessly. But she dragged on her B&H and a wry smile crept over
her face. “I like it, though. Hell, I like being a smoker, even one who’s
totally hopeless, who’s thoroughly out of control. I love being a smoker.
It’s insane, but I do!”

She watched wisps of smoke drift out of her open mouth. In and out, in
and out, over and over. Smoke goes in and eventually smoke comes back out;
then repeat. It was crazy how that simple repetitive exercise provided her
with so much pleasure. She thought of what Joe said. She didn’t have to
quit if she didn’t want to. Jodi wouldn’t care. Hell, she’d be ecstatic.
She hit on her B&H and thought about it. What _did_ she want? Did she want
to keep doing this, lighting up cigarette after cigarette and frantically
smoking them at least twenty times a day every day the rest of her life? She
opened her lips to release a series of short, smoky blasts, one after
another, in recurring bursts. She grinned. It sounded both terrible and
glorious.

Well, she didn’t need to decide yet. She’d wait and see how she felt
Sunday night. Till then she resolved not to discuss it with Jodi. She
needed a better idea of what she truly desired. Did she want to be a smoker,
a lifelong nicotine addict, who couldn’t survive without constantly feeding
herself nicotine? As she hit on her cigarette, she knew at that moment the
answer was a clear, unequivocal “yes.” But it was more complicated. It
didn’t only depend on the pleasure she felt. Did it?

She had errands to run and a book signing to attend over lunch hour. She
didn’t have time to endlessly reflect on her newfound outlook on smoking.
The local Junior League had scheduled her as its guest speaker for their
monthly lunch meeting. She’d sign copies of her book beforehand and give a
brief talk on ‘Tasting the Consequences’ as the speaker. She didn’t enjoy
doing it, but it did sell books, and that was good.

She smoked one last cigarette before she put on her sweats and headed off
to the grocery and pharmacy. Errands were a necessary evil. She put them
off working on the manuscript outline. With that finished, thanks to Joe,
she had to once more fill the damn refrigerator.

Amanda was gone only an hour, and she didn’t smoke while running her
errands. By the time she got home she felt noticeably jittery, strangely
edgy. It didn’t surprise her. She knew why. So entering her kitchen she
immediately shook out a Benson & Hedges 100 from her pack and sat down to
smoke a cigarette before putting away the groceries. As she did earlier, she
double-pumped the cigarette after lighting up. God, the thick smoke tasted
magnificent! Blessed nicotine at last was being replenished in her starving
system. Smoking again she felt the onset of what she could only describe as
pure bliss. She let out a loud contented sigh. “God, I just love smoking
like this,” she moaned happily, simultaneously exhaling through her mouth and
nostrils. Repeatedly she raised the cigarette to her lips; over and over
hitting on it and pulling smoke into her lungs. Her feelings of stress
quickly subsided. The repeated nicotine infusions saw to that.

The message light was blinking on her answering machine. She clicked it.
The first one was from her publisher.

“Hi, Amanda. Hey, I got the manuscript outline you emailed late last
night. Darling, it looks fabulous. God, it’s _so_ much better. We’re
finally on the right track. It’s practically perfect, exactly what we’re
looking for in a sequel. Good work, honey. Call me so we can schedule
another meeting. In the meantime, start writing. I think we’ll get this
outline approved with no problem.”

She grinned and knocked an ash into her ashtray before raising her B&H to
her lips for an especially satisfying drag. God, that was a relief! Then
the second message played.

“Amanda, it’s Fred Coleman. Listen, I really need to talk to you. It’s
important. Give me a call at my office as soon as you get this. You know
the number. I know you’re working at home so call me. We need to talk.
Thanks.”

She scowled. Damn Fred Coleman! He constantly asked for free advice and
she nearly always gave it. He admitted as much the other night at the United
Way fundraiser. It wasn’t the first time he got her to give free counseling
about family and personal stuff. Not even close. More like the 20th! She
groaned. She didn’t want to talk to him. She erased the message.

She finished her cigarette after Fred’s message ended. She crushed out it
and put away the groceries. With that done she went upstairs to shower and
get ready for her luncheon. While she stood wrapped in a towel in front of
her bathroom mirror with her hair dripping wet, she had to laugh. “We’re ba-
ack,” her cravings were quietly crying out. “We want some smoke!”

“Listen, you guys,” she said out loud, as if her nicotine cravings were
real separate people. “I do, too. I admit it. I want some smoke myself.
So what do you say I make all of us happy and light up a cigarette right now?
Does that sound good?”

It sounded like a great idea. So she found her gold Benson & Hedges 100’s
and got one out. Still dripping from her shower, she didn’t feel like
waiting till she was completely dry to smoke. So she fired up the cigarette
still wrapped in her towel. She turned and saw her image reflected in the
full-length mirror. A long lit cigarette dangled from her lips, and smoke
surged from her nostrils. She grinned.

“God, Amanda, you sure as hell look like a smoker,” she said, talking to
the girl in the mirror. As she spoke her cigarette bobbed up and down. She
did a hands-free drag and inhaled through the corner of her mouth. The
cigarette stayed between her lips, firmly under her control. She picked up
her eyeliner and began applying it while leaving the cigarette in her mouth.
“My God, Amanda, you can’t even wait to smoke till you finish putting on
makeup,” she chastised the girl in the mirror with a laugh, her brush in
hand. “You’re terrible.”

She breathed normally as she applied her eyeliner. She liked how it felt
having the cigarette balanced between her lips while she worked with her
hands. She took another hands-free drag and kept going. An ash fell
harmlessly in the sink below. She laughed at the sight. “Girl, you just
fuckin’ _love_ to smoke,” she muttered at her smoking reflection. “I’m not
sure you’ll ever be able to quit smoking even if you think you might want
to.”

The sudden sound of the phone ringing startled her. Since she was busy
she waited for it to default to the answering machine. As she put on her
makeup she heard Fred Coleman’s voice.

“Amanda, I hope you’re not out. I really need to talk. I can’t explain
why on your machine. Please, call me. Okay? Thanks. Bye.”

“Stupid bastard,” she mumbled. She finished applying her makeup and
finally took the cigarette from her lips. It was nearly down to the filter.
She took a drag and carefully balanced it on the edge of the countertop while
she dried her hair. She sighed. Maybe Fred was calling about the ‘tasting
the consequences’ game going on at their house. Well, whatever. He had to
wait. Looking around in vain for an ashtray, after a last drag she dropped
the butt in the toilet. Exhaling smoke, she turned on the hair dryer to
finish getting ready.

Minutes later, fully dressed, she remembered Jodi’s comment about loading
up on nicotine before heading to school. She decided she should do that
before going to her luncheon. It’d be hours till she could smoke again. So
she sat down in front of her computer to check her email messages while she
smoked two cigarettes back to back.

One email was from her publisher, merely confirming receipt of the
manuscript outline. But another was from Joe. She grinned as she read it.

“Amanda. Thanks for last night. It was fabulous. I want to prove I’m
worthy of your continued trust. Never again will I make the mistake I did
with that bitch Jaime. Let’s have dinner, honey, so I can keep convincing
you of my good intentions. Love, Joe. P.S. I hope it’s still okay to call
you ‘honey!’ P.P.S. I loved smoking with you. Don’t quit without talking
to me first!”

Well, he sure was persistent! She got a kick out of his last remark.
“‘Honey, don’t quit smoking without talking to me,'” she repeated scornfully.
“Yeah, right, like I’ll decide what I’m gonna do about this whole business
based on what _you_ think!” But hitting on her cigarette she realized his
words did resonate. She liked smoking with Joe, just like she always enjoyed
smoking with Jodi. It was somehow sociable, so pleasant to share cigarettes
with somebody else.

Interrupting her musings, she looked at her watch. Hell, time to go! She
picked up the tempo and smoked feverishly to finish the cigarette. Putting
it out early seemed unthinkable. So she didn’t. She finished it as fast as
she could and then squirted perfume on her clothes and hair to mask the odor.
“There,” she proclaimed happily. “I’m good to go. Time to stop being Amanda
Eagle the helpless smoker for awhile and turn into Amanda Eagle the
celebrated author and noted family and personal counselor!”

7. The Delicious Taste of Incessant Cravings.

The Junior League lunch was crowded. Many old friends were there,
including Claudia Coleman. Before Amanda sat down to autograph copies of
‘Tasting the Consequences’ for them, Claudia pulled her aside confidentially.

“Hey, Amanda, how’s it going?” she asked in a conspiratorial whisper.
“Tell me. Has it gotten to Jodi yet? Your smoking, I mean?”

“I don’t know, Claudia,” she admitted hesitantly, looking around to make
sure no one heard. “But it’s sure getting to me!”

Claudia seemed perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s getting to me. It’s not gonna be as easy to quit as I
thought,” she nervously answered. “You know?”

Claudia shook her head. “No. I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean, it’s so addictive,” Amanda went on, thinking Claudia would
understand. When she still didn’t acknowledge what she was saying, Amanda
rolled her eyes. “What I mean is, I’m starting to feel cravings to smoke,”
she said as quietly as she could. “And they’re really strong!”

“Oh,” Claudia said nonchalantly. “Don’t worry about that, Amanda. That’s
perfectly normal.”

“Yeah, well, maybe. But normal or not, it’s sure not gonna make quitting
very easy.”

Their conversation got interrupted, but not before Claudia whispered you
“simply have to do what you have to do,” or something along those lines.
That comment didn’t make Amanda feel any better. Simply doing what she had
to suddenly didn’t sound very practical.

At the event itself Amanda signed and sold over 50 copies of her book.
They lined up by the dozens to get her signature. In total, including all
those previously purchased books brought by the people in attendance at the
luncheon, she signed more than 75.

She sat at the speakers’ table with the Junior League’s President and
Secretary. The room was packed. Over 200 women attended the meeting. After
lunch the President introduced her, and Amanda delivered a speech based on
the principles contained in her book. It was a speech she’d given before; it
wasn’t difficult. After her talk, she left time for questions.

The first few questions were easy, like big fat softballs thrown right
over the plate. But then came one that proved unexpectedly tough.

The questioner was an older woman. She was more than a little pudgy and
pretentious as hell. “Ms. Eagle,” she began in a whiny voice. “How do your
child-rearing ideas deal with the substantial problem of teenage smoking
today?”

Amanda hesitated. Until the last few days she could have answered it with
confidence. Now she wasn’t so sure. She smiled and paused to take a drink
of water. What exactly should she say?

“The principles espoused in my book apply equally well in every
situation,” she smiled. “Parents often make the mistake of building
communication barriers between themselves and their teens. All communication
barriers are destructive because they demolish the relationship that exists
between parents and children. Once the relationship is broken, teens often
free fall out of control. ‘Tasting the Consequences’ is based on the premise
that maintaining open lines of communication is central to successful child
rearing.”

“You didn’t answer the question,” the woman whimpered. “How does it work
if your teens are dabbling with smoking?”

Amanda smiled grimly. Hell, she didn’t really know anymore. “Well, I
believe you simply apply the principle by allowing your teen to experience
the negative consequences of their experimentation, whatever those might be.”
That is, assuming smoking _has_ negative consequences, a fact that at that
point she wasn’t sure she any longer believed.

“So, Ms. Eagle, would you just let _your_ teenage daughter smoke openly
and hope she realizes how dangerous it is?”

Amanda gulped. She glanced at Claudia in the audience, who sat there
grinning.

“Let me answer that in a roundabout way. I’ll explain. Not every problem
involved in raising your teenager is of equal importance. By that I mean,
some issues don’t require the same level of attention because they’re simply
not as important as others. Smoking is a good example of what I mean.
Unlike other aspects of teenage rebellion, like drinking, promiscuous sex and
drug use, the mere fact that your teenager experiments with tobacco won’t
damage his or her relationships with you or others. As vices go, it’s
relatively insignificant. Therefore, I believe I’d simply keep my powder dry
for the other issues that are more important in the long run.”

The questioner frowned. “But Ms. Eagle, teenage smoking is a huge
problem. Did you know the American Education Association says 25% of 17 year
olds smoke on a daily basis?”

Amanda took another sip of water and smiled. “No, I hadn’t heard that
statistic.” Hmm, she mused silently. Sounds like there’s lots more like
Jodi in high school than I ever realized. God, twenty-five percent smoke
every day? I never knew.

“And of course at least one in three of those poor unfortunate children
will ultimately die of smoking related diseases some day,” the pudgy woman
droned on.

“So, what’s your question?”

“My question is, what do you think we as parents should do about this
national tragedy?”

Amanda kept a brave smile on her face. “I stand by my previous answer.
The ‘tasting the consequences’ principles work in any situation. But we as
parents need to prioritize our responses to the challenges facing our teens.
I view as the primary problems facing our children those things that destroy
communication and trust, the things that fracture relationships. I simply
don’t agree with you that teenage smoking is as significant a problem as many
others.”

Amanda purposely turned away. She wanted to be done with the subject, but
from the corner of her eye she saw the pudgy women raising her hand in the
air again. Suddenly she saw another hand go up. She looked. It was Claudia
coming to her rescue. Amanda nodded at her.

“Ms. Eagle,” Claudia said with a smile. “I’m glad to hear you say that
communication breakdowns are the real problem parents and their teenagers
have today. Can you give us some ideas on how to improve communications when
our kids reach their teenage years?”

Amanda heaved a sigh of relief. Not only was it another softball right
over the heart of the plate, but it moved the discussion away from the
subject of smoking, a subject that she simply didn’t want to talk about
anymore. Thank you, Claudia!

“Sure, I’d be glad to,” she began cheerfully. “Now here are some things
that you might want to try with your teenager ?.”

The remaining question and answer session went fine. At one thirty the
Junior League President stood up and thanked her. She received a large round
of applause from the audience as the meeting broke up. Amanda exchanged
pleasantries with all those at the speakers’ table for several minutes
afterwards. But inside she was elsewhere. Inside all she could think of was
getting the hell out of there and smoking a cigarette. Once she was done
speaking and adrenaline no longer flowed through her veins to sustain her,
she felt her cravings reappearing in full force.

As she shook hands with the women coming up to offer congratulations, she
suddenly realized she hadn’t brought her cigarettes with her. The drive home
was thirty minutes. She wiped a bead of perspiration from her forehead. She
wasn’t sure she could make it that long!

She saw Claudia walking toward the door on the other side of the room.
“Excuse me,” she said, politely disengaging herself from a discussion with
one of the Junior League officers. “I must speak to Claudia Coleman over
there for a moment.” She hurried across the room to cut Claudia off before
she got away.

“Claudia,” she said breathlessly, after traversing the room to catch her.
“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure. Hey, great talk, Amanda. Very nice.” Claudia lowered her voice
and smiled. “Nice dodge on the whole smoking issue, by the way. ‘National
tragedy’ my ass! That lady needs to wake up and realize that smoking isn’t
exactly the biggest issue we parents face today.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Amanda nodded eagerly. “But listen, Claudia, I need
something from you. God, I really, really need you to give me a ?.”

Just then a woman walked up and interrupted. Rather impolitely she began
to tell Amanda how much she enjoyed her book. Damn! She needed to talk to
Claudia alone. But soon other women congregated around them. Claudia
stepped away and Amanda’s heart sank. She missed her opportunity.

Politely she attempted to quickly deflect the compliments and questions
from the gathering crowd, while trying to keep her eye on Claudia. She lost
sight of her for a moment. Then suddenly Claudia reappeared, pushing her way
through the crowd of women.

“Excuse me, ladies,” Claudia said, shoving several of them aside. “Excuse
me. I need to give something to Ms. Eagle before I go.” Finally she broke
through and was standing beside her. “Here you go, Amanda,” Claudia said
with a naughty grin. She gave her several tissues that covered something
wrapped up inside. “You asked me for a breath mint, remember? Or some
lozenges to help your throat feel better? Here they are, dear. I hope you
feel better soon!”

One of the little old women standing around smiled at Claudia. “That’s
sweet, dear. Poor Ms. Eagle must be all talked out by now. Giving her a
breath mint or throat lozenge is so thoughtful.” She turned to Claudia while
Amanda slipped the wrapped items in her purse without so much as looking at
them. “What kind of lozenges do you use, dear? Listerine? Those are the
ones I like.”

“No, I prefer the B&H brand,” Claudia mysteriously answered the little
busybody. “Are you familiar with them?”

The woman hesitated. “No, I don’t think so. Are they strong?”

“Oh yes indeed, they’re very strong,” Claudia grinned wickedly. “But also
they’re so soothing. Once you try them your whole mouth and throat feel
positively wonderful. They do take a little getting used to, though.”

The woman frowned. “Oh? My my, I need to write that down. Did you say
they’re called B&H?”

Amanda interrupted. “Yeah, they’re B&H and they’re incredibly wonderful.
Believe me, they’re so refreshing. My friend Claudia Coleman here introduced
me to them a week ago. I haven’t been without them since. In fact I use
them almost constantly.” She winked wickedly at her brunette friend.
“Thanks so much, Claudia. I’m sure these will help me feel much better!”

“Yes, I know they will, Amanda,” Claudia winked mockingly. “Now remember.
Take three right away and then at least two every hour afterwards till all
your symptoms completely disappear. Don’t forget!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Amanda grinned. “Thanks again.”

Claudia departed but the older woman was still puzzled. “Three right
away? Isn’t that a lot to take at once to relieve your symptoms?”

Amanda laughed. “Oh, the symptoms begin to disappear immediately. But to
get them to totally go away it takes several applications. Once you really
need this medicine it’s smart to completely refresh yourself by having at
least three. Then you keep using them to make sure your symptoms don’t come
back.”

Mystified, the older woman again shook her head. “I guess my mouth and
throat simply never get that uncomfortable.”

“Oh, trust me. I’m feeling pretty darn uncomfortable right now.”

“Well, go ahead, honey. Take one. I don’t mind.”

Amanda smiled at the little old woman. “To be honest? They’re kind of
smelly. I don’t usually indulge myself till I’m away from the crowd. Now,
if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

“Thanks, Ms. Eagle. Nice presentation. I hope your mouth and throat feel
better!”

“Don’t worry,” Amanda called back pleasantly. “I’m sure they will very
soon.”

She hurried to her car. She pulled out into traffic. When she was a
block from the hotel where the meeting had been she finally opened her purse.
There, wrapped in tissue, were three 100 millimeter Benson & Hedges
cigarettes and a disposable lighter. “God bless you, Claudia,” she groaned
gratefully. “I owe you big time. Now _this_ is a sight for sore eyes!”

Her cravings now felt overwhelming. According to her watch it was over
three hours since her last cigarette. She could hardly drive, she felt so
stressed and edgy. She pulled up to a stoplight and rested her foot on the
brake. She picked up one of the long white cigarettes from inside the tissue
and thankfully slipped it in her mouth. With no delay she clicked the
lighter and touched the dancing flame to the tip of her ready cigarette.

Ignition! Amanda’s cheeks hollowed and she pumped once, twice, three
consecutive times on the burning cigarette. After each drag she sucked smoke
in her chest. Each deposit felt wonderful and yet still only whetted her
appetite. She smoked like a fiend, frantically attempting to satisfy her now
almost critical hunger for nicotine.

On her thirty minute drive home she smoked all three of the cigarettes,
one after another, even though neither she nor anyone else had ever smoked
inside her car before. But she didn’t care about that. She had to smoke.
Her Lexus didn’t have an ashtray, which proved to be an issue only till she
realized she could crack her window open and de-ash by protruding the end of
her cigarette outside it. She did this successfully, finally disposing of
each spent cigarette butt by simply dropping it to the pavement below.

At the end of her street she saw the convenience store. She hesitated and
pulled in. “I need more cigarettes,” she quietly decided. “Because even if
I did decide to quit, and right now I’m almost sure I don’t want to, I sure
as hell can’t make it till then unless I buy more!”

She turned off the car and walked inside. The same girl sat behind the
cash register. But this time Amanda noticed her name tag. It said her name
was “Heather.” She approached her with a big grin. “Hi, Heather. Two packs
of Benson & Hedges 100’s, please.” She said it with not even a hint of
apology. She felt pleased with herself. “So, how are you doing today?”

“I’m fine, Ms. Eagle.” Heather put two gold packs down on the counter.
“And how are you doing?”

“I’ll be better once I get more cigarettes,” Amanda said, continuing to
grin. “I had a major nicotine fit a little while ago. I decided I had to
make sure I don’t get caught short again.”

The girl laughed as Amanda gave her a twenty. “I thought you were
thinking of quitting?”

“Yeah, I was. But know what? Now I’m not so sure.” She put the gold
packs in her purse with the change. “I’m not sure I want to quit. To be
honest, I don’t think I could.”

The girl nodded. “I understand. Believe me, I do!”

“Hey, Heather, here’s an interesting fact. Did you know 25% of all 17
year olds say they smoke every day? I’ve thought about what you said the
other day about all the secret smokers. I’m beginning to think there’s a lot
more of them out there than I ever realized.”

“Yeah, there are. And a lot of those 17 year olds come in here to buy
their cigarettes from me,” she laughed. “Lots more people smoke than anyone
realizes, Ms. Eagle. And it looks like you decided that you’re going to
continue to be one of them.”

“Yeah,” Amanda nodded. “Yeah, I have. I guess I’ve decided I’m gonna
keep smoking. At least for awhile.”

“I’ll tell you another secret, Ms. Eagle,” Heather giggled. “The truth
is, ‘awhile’ really means forever. All the people who say they’re only gonna
smoke for awhile are the ones who wind up smoking forever.”

Amanda nodded. “Yeah, I suspect you’re right about that, too. Say, tell
me, Heather. Do you sell cigarettes to the underage kids who come in?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, but before I do I make ’em go outside and smoke a
cigarette for me, to prove they really do smoke. The government runs busts
these days. I don’t want to get in trouble if kids are setting me up.” She
grinned. “The real teenage smokers really appreciate it, though. Hell, I
understand. They need to get cigarettes somehow. I was in their shoes once.
I was a teenage smoker not all that long ago. How can I say ‘no’ to ’em?”

Surprisingly, Amanda found herself agreeing. “Yeah, I suppose you’re
right. How _can_ you deny them?” She grinned. It was odd, but suddenly her
mind was made up. She’d finally decided. “Hey, thanks, Heather. You may
not know it but our conversation the other day really helped me think through
whether I actually wanted to quit. Finally I realize I don’t. You were a
big help. So thanks again. From now on I suspect you’ll be seeing me in
here regularly buying cigarettes.”

The girl shrugged. “No problem, Ms. Eagle. Always glad to help another
smoker. And if you’re serious, next time you might want to think about
buying ’em by the carton!”

As she drove home Amanda thought about Heather’s remark. Heather called
her “another smoker” and it was true. She _was_ a smoker now, and she
intended to remain one. The only thing left was to figure out how not to
disappoint Jodi with that revelation.

She pulled up to her house and saw a car parked out front. Fred Coleman
was inside! Pushing her garage door opener she drove inside. Fred got out
of his car when she did. She was a little irritated but smiled politely at
him and walked around to the front of the house.

“Hi, Fred. What’s up?”

“Amanda, we need to talk. After you didn’t call back I remembered Claudia
said you were speaking at the Junior League luncheon. I figured you’d be
done by one thirty so I decided to drive over, guessing you’d come home after
the meeting. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, I guess.” She opened the front door.

Fred nervously followed her in the house. She put her purse on a chair
and sat with him in the living room. “So what’s so urgent that you had to
come over and see me?”

He seemed uneasy. “It’s about Claudia. Last night I overheard her
talking to Kate. Amanda, something’s going on that you need to know about.”

“Oh?”

Fred took a deep breath. “I was getting ready for bed last night when I
heard them talking quietly at the foot of the stairs. They didn’t realize I
could hear. Apparently you and I weren’t told the whole truth. You remember
Claudia said she was horrified Kate started to smoke? Well, that’s not true.
She’s actually pleased that Kate is smoking. It turns out Claudia’s been
providing Kate with cigarettes for months now, and she’s actually been
encouraging Kate to smoke along with her.”

Fred wiped perspiration from his brow. Amanda was puzzled. “God, that’s
weird. Claudia’s been _encouraging_ Kate to smoke?”

Fred nodded frantically. “Yeah, but that’s not the worst. It was all a
scam, the idea that you and I should smoke to scare Kate and Jodi. It turns
out Claudia, working together with Kate and Jodi, intends to use ‘tasting the
consequences’ against us. Their real plan is to get us both hooked on
cigarettes. They want you and me to become addicts, Amanda, just like they
are.” He stared at the ground. “I can’t believe it but I heard it with my
own ears. Claudia and the girls only want us to smoke so that we’ll get
hooked like they are and won’t be able to quit.”

Amanda didn’t answer. She let his words sink in. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s terrible. I’m mad and upset. I thought I could trust Claudia
but obviously I can’t. I guess the idea is that if we smoke Claudia’s full
flavor cigarettes long enough we’ll change our minds and we won’t want to
quit. Kate’s been telling me she just needs a little more time to decide if
she’s upset enough by my smoking to want to quit. Based on what I heard, I
doubt Kate will ever be ready to quit. She’s waiting till I don’t want to.
I bet Jodi’s using the same ploy on you. Does she keep putting off a
timetable for quitting?”

Amanda slowly nodded.

“See? That’s it. It’ll never happen. It’s always a few more days till
they’re ready. A few more days over and over, till it’s too late for us!
Claudia originally said it was critical that I smoke like she does, inhale
smoke deep in my lungs and hold it in a long time. Now I realize it was just
part of a dastardly plan to get me hooked, Amanda. I’m sure Jodi did the
same thing to you.” Wearily he groaned. “We need to figure out what we’re
gonna do about this, Amanda.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” she replied with a wry smile. “So, Fred, I gather you
don’t like the idea of becoming a smoker like your wife and daughter?”

“God, no! What a ridiculous question! Why do you even ask?”

“I dunno,” she smiled sweetly. “But I guess this means Claudia’s plan
hasn’t worked on you yet. Tell me, though. Haven’t you found smoking her
cigarettes the least bit pleasant?”

He hesitated. “Well, it has begun to seem sort of enjoyable, in a sick
sort of way.”

“Yeah, that’s been experience,” Amanda nodded. “How many a day are you
smoking now?”

“I haven’t smoked since I overheard their discussion last night. Before
that I averaged maybe ten a day.”

Amanda thought. “Hmm. “That’s not quite as many cigarettes as I’ve been
smoking. But I work at home all day, so I’ve undoubtedly been smoking more
than you.”

“We must stop this madness, Amanda, but I don’t know what to do. If I
confront Claudia she’ll just deny it. But I must do something. Maybe I
should report her to the authorities. It’s not legal to give Kate cigarettes
like she does. You’re undoubtedly just as upset as I am, because I suspect
she’s supplying Jodi, too.” He paused. “One idea I had is to call the local
lung association. Maybe they can give us some advice about what to do.”

Amanda just smiled. Poor Fred. The stupid ass didn’t realize he was too
late. He never dreamed her conversion was already a fait accompli. He
assumed she’d share his horror and disgust if she learned the truth. Quite
the contrary, Amanda felt liberated. No, more than that, she was utterly
delighted. A huge weight had lifted off her shoulders. This meant Jodi
wouldn’t be disappointed after all that she no longer wanted to quit smoking,
that instead she yearned to keep feeding her newly beloved nicotine habit.
But Fred obviously wasn’t there – yet. She caught herself thinking it was
too bad for Claudia. Her friend longed for her husband to share the joys of
smoking with her. Amanda wished she could do something to change Fred’s
mind, to help him find what she found. Then it hit her. There was something
she could do.

She smiled at him. “Fred, here’s how I see it. You and I have two
choices. Either we can dig in our heels and fight them, or we can give in
and let it happen the way they hope it will. What I mean is, we could decide
to let ourselves become real smokers, not just pretenders, like they want us
to. Isn’t that right?”

He stared at her, obviously confused.

“Here’s the deal, Fred. I’ve been smoking lots more than you the last few
days.” She said it nonchalantly, and slowly reached for her purse. “I was
astonished to find just how pleasant smoking can be. I never knew. It’s
fuckin’ wonderful. That extraordinary feeling I get now from lighting up a
cigarette, particularly when I haven’t had one in awhile? God, it’s so
delicious!” Opening her purse she pulled out a pack of Benson & Hedges
100’s. “So if Claudia and the girls did try to trick us into becoming
smokers like they are, then I think they did us a big favor!” She put an all
white cigarette between her lips. “I’ll cut to the chase, Fred,” she said,
before pausing to light up her B&H. “I like smoking. I don’t intend to
quit.”

He watched in horror while she exhaled a thick smoky stream from pursed
lips. “You, Amanda? Oh my God, no! I don’t believe it!”

“Believe it, Fred,” she laughed wickedly. “Because it’s true. I can’t
stop smoking now and I don’t want to, either. Jodi and I were supposed to
talk Sunday night about quitting. I’ve been thinking about it constantly the
last couple days. I finally decided today I don’t want to. I don’t want to
quit. I worried she might be mad. But thanks to you, now I know she won’t
be. Instead she’ll be delighted, because that was her plan from the outset.”
She drew long and hard on her cigarette and sucked the smoke deep inside her
chest. “God, I’m so glad Claudia taught me how to do this properly,” she
added with a wry smile, pausing to release a prodigious mixed mouth/nostril
exhale. “I never plan to stop smoking this way.”

Fred shook his head. “God, then I’m too late. They already got you. I’m
so sorry, Amanda. Hopefully you’ll come to your senses and realize what a
mistake you’re making!”

“It’s no mistake, Fred,” she grinned. “No, you’re the one making the
mistake. I’m the smart one, not you. And you see, I owe Claudia. I’m glad
Claudia and the girls tricked me into smoking. I love it, and I feel
grateful. So I owe it to Claudia to help her out, to force you to fall into
line and behave.” He looked perplexed, so she went on. “Remember all the
free advice I’ve given you over the years, Fred? Remember how you’d call and
want to chat about your problems? You’re too damn cheap to pay for the
advice. You figured you’d just get it from me for free, because our
daughters are such good friends?”

“So?”

“I know a lot of things about you that I bet you never want Claudia to
know. For instance, remember the discussion we had a year ago about your
little pornography habit?”

Fred gulped. “Yeah?”

“Well, I know you don’t want Claudia to know. God, she’d be disappointed
to find out about all the hours you spend in front of your laptop visiting
porn sites. When you first asked me for help you were sure it’d devastate
her and might ruin your marriage. Remember?”

He just stared. Finally he nodded.

“I gave you good advice about how to break your porn habit. But then you
called back a week later and told me the rest of the story. That’s when you
told me about that girl at work you were seeing on the sly. Remember? Yeah,
I thought you did!”

“But I broke it off,” Fred groaned helplessly. “I took your advice,
Amanda. I ended it.”

“Yeah, you slept with her how many times?” She cackled as she hit on her
cigarette. “God, I think it was at least half a dozen. Or was it more?”

“You won’t tell Claudia,” he wailed. “You can’t. It’s illegal for a
counselor to reveal secrets disclosed in private by a patient. It’d be
unprofessional and illegal to tell Claudia.”

“Yes, Fred, that’s right. I’d get my counseling license pulled if anyone
found out I disclosed patient secrets. Except for one thing. You weren’t a
patient. You never paid me. There’s no record of you ever being my patient.
It was all free advice.” Tapping an ash in the ashtray she grinned. “So if
you want me to keep quiet about your shit, Fred dear, you have to play ball
with me.”

“What ?? What is it you want?”

“Well, I’ll tell you. Like I said, Fred, I owe Claudia. See, I’ve had a
fuckin’ epiphany. Now I love to smoke. I’ve become a real smoker. I’m
already addicted. It’s not even just a habit. It’s a goddamn obsession.
All I think about is my next cigarette. I dream about the next time I get to
drag more of that delicious, thick, rich creamy cigarette smoke into my
lungs. Mm, it’s so nice!” As if to prove it she hit on her cigarette for
her usual five seconds. “So if Claudia wants you to be a smoker, Fred, I
feel I owe it to her to help it happen. So instead of letting you quit I’m
gonna insist that you pick up the pace. Like Claudia, I want you to smoke,
Fred. I intend to help make Claudia’s perverted little dream come true.”

“But you can’t do that,” he groaned. “It’s not right.”

“It’s not about right and wrong, Fred. It’s about power. And I have the
power, all of it. So, like Claudia, I want you to smoke like a fiend till
you feel the same way your wife and I, and our daughters, feel about smoking
cigarettes. I want you to experience our cravings, the same hungry feeling
we get whenever we don’t smoke enough. I want you to feel like I felt after
the Junior League luncheon today. I’d have done anything to smoke, Fred. I
was desperate for a cigarette.” She grinned evilly. “But luckily your
lovely wife Claudia helped me out. She slipped me a few cigarettes so I
could smoke in my car on the way home. I was too dumb to anticipate it. I
hadn’t brought my own. So Claudia gave me some of hers so I could feed my
insatiable cravings. I want you to feel those same fuckin’ cravings I had
today, Fred. I want you just as addicted to nicotine as I am, just like
Claudia and just like our girls.”

“God, you wouldn’t really tell Claudia about my affair?”

“Oh yes, I sure would,” Amanda grinned. “Don’t test me. If you do you’ll
be picking up the pieces for a long time. It’s better for you if you do what
I ask. Claudia never needs to know of your past indiscretions. Don’t you
agree that’s better?” He glared. “Yeah, I thought you’d see it my way,
honey.” She held out her gold pack. “So, here you go. Take one of my
cigarettes and smoke with me now. Because from on you’re gonna be smoking
just about all the time!”

Reluctantly Fred accepted a cigarette. “I don’t want to become a smoker,
Amanda.”

She laughed. “Yeah, you say that now. I did, too, at first. But soon
your feelings change, Fred honey. After a while you begin to feel
differently. All of a sudden you _want_ to smoke another cigarette. You
can’t wait. You look forward to it and it feels so fuckin’ good when you
finally get to.” She clicked her lighter and held it out. Without a word he
caught the flame. “Yeah, Fred, that’s a good boy! Just like that, take a
nice long hard drag on the cigarette for openers. Then suck all that yummy
smoke way down deep inside your lungs. Oh yeah, Fred, that’s right. Now let
it soak in awhile, delivering the delicious nicotine that your body’s slowly
but surely learning to crave!” She giggled. “Isn’t it good?”

“That’s just the problem,” he groaned, as smoke escaped from his lips.
“It’s too good.”

“Bullshit, Fred. Nothing’s ever too good. You already started down the
road to addiction. And if I’m gonna live there, and I sure as hell am, I
intend to make sure you do, too. Again, Fred. Take another drag for me.”

He did. She watched approvingly as he inhaled the smoke. “God, yeah,
isn’t that nice, Fred? Tell your friend Amanda it tastes good and feels
nice.” He said nothing so she changed her tone. “Say it, goddamn it! Tell
me you like it, Fred. I want to hear you say it out loud.”

“I like it,” he slowly answered.

“No, that’s not quite right. It’s more than that. You don’t just like
it, Fred,” she cooed. “You love it. Tell me you love it and that you never
want to quit smoking.”

“But ?. But it’s not true.”

“Oh, but it will be soon, Fred. And saying it out loud will help make it
true faster. So let me hear it, honey. Tell your friend Amanda that you
love to smoke and you never want to quit.”

“I love to smoke,” he gulped helplessly. “I never want to quit.”

“Perfect. Very good. Now keep sucking on that delicious cigarette,
honey. Each time I drag and inhale smoke I want you to match me. Make your
drags just as long as mine and hold your smoke deep inside your chest just as
long as I do. Okay? Let’s try it.”

Amanda took her usual five second drag on her cigarette. Fred did the
same. She opened her mouth and pulled the smoke deep inside her chest. He
followed suit. She waited forever before finally breathing it out and again
he mimicked her.

“God, it’s so good doing it that way,” she sighed happily. “Fred, can you
honestly tell me you don’t find that enjoyable?”

He shook his head. “No, I told you before, Amanda. That’s the problem.
It _is_ enjoyable. That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid if I keep smoking
I’ll start to like it too much.”

She laughed. “Fred, I told _you_ before, it’s impossible to like it too
much. I want you to feel that way about it, for Claudia’s sake. Now let’s
do it again.”

Over and over they duplicated the exercise. Each time Amanda and Fred
retained prodigious inhales deep inside their chests for a long time before
exhaling. Finally she crushed out her cigarette and he did as well. She
grinned.

“Now Fred, tell me honestly. Didn’t that feel good?”

He slowly nodded. “Of course it did, you bitch! God, I can’t believe
you’re doing this, Amanda. I can hardly believe you’d force me to get
addicted to these things. At least Claudia was subtle. But you’re being
shamelessly evil.”

“Yes, I am, aren’t I?” she grinned proudly, shaking out another cigarette
and smugly depositing it between her smiling lips. “So come on, Fred. We’re
doing it again. No sense in waiting. I want you to get a good head start.
Tonight you’ll tell Claudia you decided you don’t want to quit. You’ll tell
her you love to smoke and you don’t want to stop, now or ever. If I don’t
hear from Claudia that it happened I’ll be paying her a visit. You catch my
drift?”

Fred took another cigarette and groaned. “It’s blackmail, Amanda, nothing
more and nothing less. God, how can you live with yourself doing this?”

She first lit up her cigarette, then his. “Easy, Fred. Claudia didn’t
realize it but she did me the biggest favor anyone’s done for me in a long
time. By suggesting this to Jodi she forced me to experience smoking. I’m
just returning the favor.” She let out a smoky giggle. “Before it’s all
done, Fred, I expect you’ll thank me just like I’m gonna thank Claudia and
the girls.”

8. Epilogue: The Taste That Can’t Be Beat.

Jodi got home late that afternoon. She’d been at Kate’s, hanging out with
her after school. Amanda felt impatient waiting. She wanted to have “the”
discussion, to tell Jodi of her smoking “epiphany” as she described it to
Fred. She toyed with telling Jodi that she knew all about the little plan
she, Claudia and Kate had concocted to bring about her smoking conversion.
But she decided to wait and see how their talk went. Because of her
daughter’s deceit, though, she decided to have some fun with her before
breaking the good news.

Amanda was working on the manuscript for the second book when Jodi got
home. She knew her publisher would approve her outline and give her the
go-ahead to start writing. She smiled warmly at Jodi and suggested they sit
in the kitchen together to have some coffee.

Jodi again couldn’t help noticing the overflowing ashtray in the office
and the unmistakable fragrance of stale smoke permeating the air in the
house. She grinned. Yes, things were all going according to plan.

Amanda sat at the kitchen table with a fresh cup of coffee. She casually
sipped it and reached for a cigarette. Jodi did the same.

“I want to talk about us quitting,” she said deliberately before lighting
up. She drew on her cigarette a long time, opened her mouth wide and inhaled
deep inside her chest, just like she now virtually always did. “Is that okay
with you?”

“Sure, Mom,” Jodi shrugged nervously. “But I thought we were gonna wait
till Sunday.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to wait,” Amanda replied, expelling smoke. “I
don’t think I can. I had a bizarre experience today. Let me tell you about
it.” In detail she described the insatiable nicotine cravings she endured at
the Junior League luncheon. “I was a basket case, honey,” she concluded,
hitting on her B&H. “Not smoking for three miserable hours did me in. I’m
quickly approaching the point of no return. If I’m ever gonna quit, I’m
afraid it has to be now or never.”

Jodi frowned. Damn! “But what if I haven’t tasted all the consequences
yet? What if _I’m_ not ready to quit?”

Amanda smiled. “Well, if I were to quit then I guess you’d just have to
keep smoking. Maybe eventually you’ll decide you don’t like it.”

“Not like it?” Jodi was incensed. “Mom, that’s dumb. Of course I like
it. I’ll always like smoking. Even you like it. And isn’t that the
problem? You like it. You love it. You’re afraid you won’t be able to quit
because the more you smoke the more you learn to love it.”

Amanda nodded sagely. “Yeah, true.” She deliberately dragged hard on her
B&H. “All I think about anymore is smoking, honey. I’m utterly obsessed.”
She smiled, letting smoke dribble from her mouth and nose. “I’ve become a
different person. Now I’m only happy when I have a cigarette going.” She
hit on hers again. “I love how cigarette smoke tastes, I adore the way it
feels inside me when I inhale it, and I love playing with my smoke when I
eventually breathe it out. I especially love feeling it coming out of my
nose. It no longer smells bad to me; instead smoke smells delicious. I feel
sad each time I crush one out in an ashtray but I’m deliriously happy every
time I light up another one.” She paused. “Does that make sense?”

Jodi remained concerned. “Yeah, it makes sense, Mom. I feel the same
way. You describe me perfectly. But if you feel that way, why in the hell
would you ever want to quit?”

“Good question,” Amanda mused. God, it was fun scaring Jodi. She had to
keep it up a little longer. “I don’t know. Do you know the definition of an
addict? It’s someone who has a habit and does absolutely anything necessary
to support it. That’s how I’ve started to feel about smoking.” She
pensively tapped an ash in the ashtray. “I’ve become an addict, honey. I
know that. I can no longer imagine living without my cigarettes. I have to
have them. I need them. I can’t imagine not smoking them all day long. I
enjoy each and every one of them.”

“Me neither, Mom,” Jodi whined. “That’s why I don’t want to quit. There,
I finally said it. I don’t want to. I don’t care if smoking’s bad for me.
But even more, I don’t give a shit if you smoke. I don’t care. It doesn’t
bother me and never has. I was glad when you started smoking with me. I
even like seeing you frantic for a cigarette. It’s one of the things I
especially like. I love smoking with you, Mom. It’s been nice. It gives us
something nice to share, something fun that we both understand and both
enjoy.” She hit on her Marlboro Light 100. “That’s why I don’t want to quit
and I don’t want you to, Mom. I’m sorry, but I really don’t.”

Amanda laughed. Jodi looked perplexed. She didn’t know what was so
funny. So Amanda raised her cigarette to her lips. After a long drag and
sucking smoke in her lungs, she slowly let it escape from her nostrils. “So,
Jodi, you admit it? My smoking never bothered you? You didn’t care if I got
addicted to it like you?” She triumphantly smiled. “In truth, you wanted
me to turn into a smoker, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jodi whimpered. “I did. I knew ‘tasting the consequences’ would
never work, that it’d never make me want to quit smoking. I’ve loved to
smoke for a long time, Mom. I got addicted fast. I thought you would, too,
if you tried it. I secretly hoped you’d like it enough to want to smoke
yourself.” Instinctively the pretty teen hit again on her cigarette. “I
knew if you did that’d mean I could smoke. That’s all I wanted. I just
wanted to smoke.”

Amanda put her hand on her daughter’s. “Don’t worry, honey, because
that’s what I want, too.” Seeing her confusion, Amanda laughed. “I didn’t
say I was going to quit. I said if I ever was going to, it had to be now or
never. Well, let me come clean. It’s gonna be never. I don’t want to quit,
either, Jodi. That’s what I really want to say. The only reason I didn’t
want to wait till Sunday night is there’s no reason to. I decided I’m not
gonna quit. My experience the last few days, and especially this afternoon,
finally helped me decide that I’m gonna keep smoking from now on. I’m a
smoker and I’ll remain a smoker!”

Jodi felt stunned. She shook her head. “Really? Oh my God, Mom. That’s
fuckin’ great! But then why did you make think you were gonna quit?”

“I thought your real motive, your ultimate intention, was to lure and
entice me into sharing your nicotine addiction, to use ‘tasting the
consequences’ against me and force me to become an addict like you. Well,
honey, it worked. I should’ve realized it a couple days ago. But it wasn’t
till this afternoon, when I experienced those cravings at the luncheon and
felt the extraordinary relief of finally lighting up, that I realized what I
want. Suddenly I knew. Your dad told me I should only quit if I really want
to. He’s very supportive of me continuing to smoke. And I figured you will
be, too. So from now on I smoke. I’m a smoker. I tasted all the
consequences of smoking cigarettes and I fuckin’ love ’em. So I’m not
quitting, Jodi. Not now, probably not ever. There. Does that make you
happy?”

Jodi impulsively gave Amanda a big hug. “Mom, that makes me the happiest
girl in the world! I’ve loved getting to smoke whenever I felt like it, and
I’ve loved smoking with you. It’s been so cool. The idea of making it
permanent sounds almost overwhelming. I’m not just happy. I’m ecstatic,
Mom, absolutely ecstatic.”

“I’m glad, honey. So glad. Now I have to say something else. All along
your plan was to trick me into smoking so I’d learn to enjoy it. You knew
I’d learn to love it just as much as you do. And it worked. So, I just need
to say thanks. I now love smoking just like you do, but it couldn’t have
happened if you hadn’t hoodwinked me. Thanks, Jodi.”

The teenager blinked in disbelief. “You’re welcome, Mom. God, I can’t
believe you’re thanking me. This is too cool for words.”

“Now, what about Fred, Kate’s dad? Were you and Kate trying to work the
same trick on him? If so, was Kate’s mom involved? Was Claudia part of your
scheme?” Of course Amanda knew, but she wanted to hear it directly from
Jodi.

Her daughter nodded. “Yeah, months ago Mrs. Coleman first learned Kate
was smoking. But she didn’t say anything to Mr. Coleman. She knew he’d
disapprove. Mrs. Coleman felt sorry for Kate. She understood how it felt to
be a teenage smoker and she wanted to help her. So Kate and her mom always
smoked together whenever Mr. Coleman wasn’t home. They’ve been doing that
for awhile now. You don’t think that’s terrible, do you?”

“No, of course not,” Amanda answered. “I think it’s great. So did
Claudia supply you with cigarettes and encourage you to smoke?”

“I was already smoking when Mrs. Coleman found out about Kate. But yeah,
Kate told her mom about me and Mrs. Coleman started buying me cigarettes and
letting me smoke with them at their house. She said if she supported Kate
she may as well support me, too. That’s why I never brought Kate over here.
Mrs. Coleman let us smoke at their house and promised to keep my smoking a
secret from you. I hope you’re not mad.”

“Mad?” Amanda shook her head. “Hell no, I’m not mad. If Claudia hadn’t
let you smoke then I wouldn’t be smoking today. No, I owe her,” she
whimsically smiled. “I should thank Claudia. She did me a great favor.”

“Wow,” Jodi exclaimed. “I’m shocked. Shocked but pleased. I thought
you’d be mad.”

“Well, till recently I would’ve been. Real mad, in fact. But something
happened to me.” She smiled. “I became a smoker and it changed my
perspective. One of the many things I like about smoking is how nice it is
to share with you.” She smiled at Jodi. “As soon as we started to smoke
together we grew closer. That’s good. I have no intention of giving it up.”
After pausing to drag on her B&H she went on. “I’m truly glad Claudia let
you smoke, and that she urged you to trick me into tasting the consequences.
It forced me to encounter smoking and let me see what I was missing.” At
last she exhaled. “I’d be an idiot to give it up, honey. I smoke. Yeah,
I’m definitely a smoker, just like you, just like Claudia and Kate, and just
like your father.”

Jodi sighed. “Wow, if you and Daddy both smoke now, I guess it means I
can, too, all the time, whenever I want. God, it’s so cool.” The teenager
dragged on her cigarette. “Mom, now that you’re gonna smoke, do you think
you and Dad will get back together?”

Amanda laughed. “He wants us to. Joe says he likes me better as a
smoker.” She manicured her cigarette before taking a drag. “Hell, I like
myself better as a smoker,” she laughed caustically. Smoky rapid-fire bursts
escaped her lips. “I don’t know what’ll happen between us. I guess we just
have to see. But with both of us smoking it’ll be easier for us to get back
together, no doubt. But regardless, I’m sure your dad and I will spend more
time together. I enjoy smoking with him just like I enjoy smoking with you.
I just hope Fred Coleman gets on board, too. That’d be nice for Claudia and
Kate, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, sure would. Hell, tasting the consequences worked on you, Mom. So
maybe it’ll work on Mr. Coleman.”

“I bet that very soon Fred Coleman will start to show a real affinity for
nicotine,” Amanda smiled mysteriously. “And when that happens, Claudia,
Fred, Joe and I, and you girls, too, will all be better friends than ever.”

——————————————————————————-

Amanda’s prediction came true immediately. That night Kate called with
good news. At supper her dad announced he liked smoking so much that he
didn’t want to stop. He also didn’t want Claudia to quit and didn’t care if
Kate smoked with them. Kate was ecstatic and, she reported, so was Claudia.
Jodi eagerly shared the exciting news with her mom. Amanda simply announced
with a smile that she, too, was very pleased.

Amanda and Joe spent more time together in the ensuing days. Eventually
he convinced his ex-wife that he was sincere in wanting to reestablish their
broken relationship and he moved back in with Amanda and Jodi. Amanda didn’t
want to re-marry, so they just lived together. Jodi didn’t care. She was
just glad to see her folks reconciled and relating as friends and lovers.

Meanwhile Amanda fulfilled her promise to her daughter and herself. She
continued to smoke relentlessly. While she worked on her second book at home
she had ample opportunity to deepen her nicotine habit. Soon she was smoking
over a pack of full flavor Benson & Hedges 100’s every day, often closer to
two. But she never regretted her decision. She dearly loved nicotine being
her new boss, incessantly ordering her to light up and smoke. She treated
herself to an ever deepening dependence on nicotine’s magical pleasures.

Jodi soon settled in at a pack a day habit, joining her parents as an
irrepressible smoker. She discarded her Marlboro Lights 100’s in favor of
her mom’s brand. The teen loved full flavor B&H 100’s and, as Claudia
predicted, Amanda didn’t mind. She understood why Jodi wanted to smoke her
brand instead of lights. For efficiency’s sake Joe also switched to Benson &
Hedges 100’s. Amanda bought several cartons a week to keep them all
supplied.

Fred Coleman eventually apologized and thanked Amanda for forcing him to
continue smoking. He soon developed a love for nicotine that rivaled his
lovely wife’s. Claudia never knew Amanda saved the day for her by keeping
her scheme on track to turn her non-smoking husband into a bona fide addict.
The two couples began to spend time together socially, largely due to their
common commitment as smokers.

In a few months Amanda’s second book came out. “Let Them Go and Let Them
Grow – Helping Teens Become Real People” didn’t sell as well as “Tasting the
Consequences,” but provided a steady income stream and too many chances to
speak. As Joe suggested, Amanda was discrete, not flaunting her
uncontrollable nicotine habit in front of the non-understanding world of
psychologists and professional counselors. Her ideas in the second book
created some controversy, like her suggestion that parents shouldn’t try and
stop teens from smoking or swearing. The book suggested it was futile to
stop teenagers from experimenting with such things. All Amanda’s convictions
came from her experience with Jodi. She firmly believed letting teenagers
find out what they truly want is the critical step toward successful
parenting.

A few months later Amanda, Joe and Jodi sat together in front of their
fireplace. A smoky fire burned inside it and each of them was smoking, too.
Raising her cigarette to her lips, Amanda couldn’t help but think about the
amazing transformation that had taken place in her life and the life of her
family. ‘Tasting the consequences’ didn’t work out like she originally
planned. It never did deter her lovely teenage daughter from smoking. But
now she was damn glad it didn’t. Without the failure of ‘tasting the
consequences,’ she’d never have tried smoking and discovered the taste of the
consequences associated with smoking cigarettes is nothing short of fabulous.

The pretty blond happily put her cigarette to her lips. She dragged on it
her customary five seconds. She pulled thick, rich creamy smoke from her
Benson & Hedges 100 deep inside her hungry lungs and held it in for another
five seconds. At long last she opened her mouth and slowly released a
leisurely exhale simultaneously through her lips and her nostrils. God,
yeah! No doubt. ‘Tasting the consequences’ worked after all, even though
not the way she planned. But in the final analysis it turned out that all of
the consequences she’d tasted were smoky, and all of those smoky consequences
tasted just great!

THE END