“A carton of Salem 100’s”, Jess said to the man at the store counter. After
paying for the carton, she headed out to the door only stopping at the
garbage can to throw away a wrapper from one of her newly opened packs. Once
in her 1975 Oldsmobile Cutlass she immediately extracted a cigarette from the
pack and placed it to her lips. Grabbing her lighter she immediately lit her
cigarette. After an initial puff to get the cigarette burning, she took a
long slow puff, followed by a deep inhale. After holding the smoke in her
lungs for a good three seconds, she reluctantly let out a long exhale of
thick creamy smoke. Placing the cigarette back in her mouth, she took
another slow long drag while starting the car. She continued to smoke hands
free while she drove back onto the highway. Once on the highway she put the
car into cruise control, removed the cigarette from her mouth, and flicked
the long ash out the window.
This cigarette tasted particularly good. She had been on the road for three
hours and ran out of cigarettes after an hour and a half of the drive. She
badly wanted one a half hour ago, but decided to wait until the gas tank was
almost empty to stop and buy some. She continued to take long slow drags
followed by deep inhales as she luxuriated in the intense feeling of the
smoke in her lungs while her stong craving slowly melted away. With one
final double pump, she flicked the cigarette out the window.
“Five more hours until home”, Jess thought to herself while she reached for
another cigarette. Jess was particularly nervous while driving. She knew
that it was time to inform her parents of her fully developed habit. 20
years ago, this would not have been a big deal. Over half the adults smoked
back in the early 60’s and a 20 year old smoking was more of the norm than
the exception. But now it was 1981, and smoking has been a two decade
decline. Schools now preach the evils of smoking and it is just beginning to
become a social stigma. It was this pariah stigma that Jess tried to avoid.
But ultimately, the powerful lure of nicotine finally had a firm grip on her.
During her drive home, she reflected back to how she got into such a jam.
During high school she was quite athletic, and although both her parents
smoked, she never even considered it. She didn’t get her first taste of
cigarettes until her first semester of her freshmen year in college. Some of
her new friends were smokers, and soon, she was talked into trying it while
drinking at a party. She continued to smoke socially for the remainder of
the year. Never more than a few, and usually only Salem Ultra Lights,
Marlboro Lights or BH Deluxe Ultra Lights. She didn’t even start inhaling
until the second semester of that year. With about five weeks left of her
freshman year, she finally decided to buy her first pack. It was a pack of
Salem Lights 100’s, and she only bought it because she was tired of bumming
smokes off of her friends, although they were more than happy to oblige.
Near the end of the semester, she started smoking lightly everyday. She
found that an occasional cigarette while studying for finals relaxed her.
After her first year of college ended, she went home and spent the summer not
doing one thing, smoking. In fact, she laughed at her silly little habit,
and decided that she definitely did not want to become a smoker. During the
summer, she got back into shape, played in a summer soccer league, and
enjoyed her high school friends who most all were non-smokers. At the
beginning of her sophomore year, she vowed that her smoking was a thing of
the past, something she definitely would not take up again. During the first
couple of weeks, her college friends would offer her cigarettes all the time,
but she was determined, and always declined.
That lasted for about three weeks. She finally broke down at a party her and
her friends went to. There she met Steve. He was absolutely gorgeous. When
he came over and started talking to her, she became star struck. They
continued to talk for a half hour or so, when finally Steve reached into his
pocket, and pulled out a pack of Marlboro’s. He offered one to Jess, and not
wanting to seem rude to this hunk, she reluctantly accepted. Much to her
surprise, she had no problem smoking the Marlboro, although it was stronger
than what she used to smoke, and that she hadn’t smoked in some time. During
the rest of the night they continued to talk, and Jess ended up smoking four
more cigarettes with him. After the party was over, Steve asked Jess if she
would like to go out to dinner the next night. Of course Jess accepted and
their night ended with a kiss.
The next day Jess was real excited. She really liked Steve and could hardly
wait until the date. She also made a trip to the convenience store and
bought a pack of her old brand, Salem Lights 100’s. Being nervous about the
date she had several that afternoon. She had forgotten how good her old
Salem Light’s were, and although she was feeling a little guilty about
breaking her vow, she decided that smoking with Steve was something that she
definitely wanted to do.
The date with Steve went terrifically. They smoked together in the ride to
the restaurant, and of course all during the meal. They went to a night club
afterwards, and danced the night away, punctuated only with a frequent
cigarette. After getting back to her dorm she noticed that there were only
five cigarettes left in the pack that she had just bought earlier that day.
“Wow, could I have smoked all those”, she thought to herself. Just before
she went to bed, she decided to have one more cigarette. As she sat quietly
smoking, she thought about the great night that she just had. Steve was a
great guy, and it looked like they had something special together. She knew
that as long as they dated, she would probably continue to smoke. And
although she didn’t really want to become a smoker, she realized that while
smoking that last cigarette of the night, she was actually enjoying it.
Steve and Jess continued to date the rest of the semester. As the weeks went
by, she continued to smoke everyday. Gone were any thoughts about her vow
not to smoke. She was having too much fun with Steve, and smoking was a big
part of it. By Thanksgiving break, she was up to a half a pack a day, and
sometimes more. When she got home on Thanksgiving, she left her cigarette at
college. While home, she really didn’t think too much about smoking, but she
did miss it. She still wasn’t really hooked on smoking, and she really
didn’t have any trouble refraining during her time at home. On the trip back
to school, she decided to pick up a pack for the long drive back. She missed
smoking and thought it would make the trip more enjoyable. After pulling out
of the convenience store, she immediately lit one up. She took a big first
puff, and while inhaling, she noticed something different. The smoke was
much stronger than she was used to. As she was exhaling, she looked down at
the pack and realized that she was accidentally given a pack of Salem 100’s,
full flavor and all. As she smoked the first cigarette from the pack, she
thought to herself about how good they were. She liked the little extra kick
it gave to her chest. The taste, although stronger, was also smooth and
intense. She smoked twelve more on the eight hour trip back to school,
enjoying every one of them.
She decided to stick with the full flavor Salem’s the rest of the semester.
She and Steve saw a lot of each other the last four weeks of the semester.
That and the pressures of final exams made her smoke more. In fact a lot
more! By the end of the semester she was smoking a pack a day, and loving
every minute of it. She intensely liked the full flavor Salem’s, and any
thoughts of guilt were long gone. She was a smoker now, and coupled with her
blossoming relationship with Steve, any thoughts of quitting were long gone.
She smoked the whole drive home for Christmas break. During the trip home,
she decided that she would refrain from smoking much like she did during
Thanksgiving. When she got home, she soon realized that something had
changed. Within hours of her arrival, she started to feel a strong urge to
smoke. Watching her mother smoke made matters even worse. She suddenly
realized that now she was probably hooked, and had to smoke. Over the course
of the rest of the holidays, Jess smoked whenever she could. She would sneak
one during the day if she had any chances. At night she went out often, and
she even smoked occasionally in her room. She thought about coming out and
just telling her parents that she smoked, but decided against it. She still
wasn’t convinced yet that she wanted a life long habit, and coming out would
confirm just that.
On her way back to school for her second semester, she did something she
never did before. She bought her first carton of Salem’s. This was a
statement to herself that she was committed to enjoying smoking throughout
the rest of the semester, especially with Steve. Over the remainder of the
semester, Jess starting smoking like there was no tomorrow. She now let her
cravings dictate when to smoke, and by spring break she was up to a carton a
week. Jess and Steve went to Daytona Beach together on spring break, and it
was there she first smoked two packs in one day.
Although the smoking went well at Daytona, her relationship with Steve
started to sour. A week after they got back to school, Steve decided to call
it quits. Jess was devastated. She knew that things weren’t going well, but
losing Steve was still hard to take. She continued smoking to help ease the
pain, but soon she started thinking about quitting. Three weeks after the
break up she decided to give it a try. That lasted all of six hours. Jess
was shocked on how difficult it was to go without smoking. By one o’clock,
she couldn’t take it any more, and she quickly ran to the store and picked up
another carton. That first cigarette was incredible, and it was there and
then that she decided that she liked, no loved smoking too much to quit and
probably was hopelessly hooked to boot. She continued smoking a carton a
week the rest of the school year.
During the rest of the drive home, Jess thought about how she was going to
tell her parents. She wasn’t sure what their reaction would be. They both
smoked and the fact that Jess was now 20 convinced her that there really
wasn’t much they could say. She did wonder what her three sisters would
think. Jess was the oldest of four sisters. Jill was the second oldest at
17 and was just finishing her junior year in high school. Jennifer was next
at 15 and Jamie was the youngest at 13. She did worry a little about the bad
influence it would have on them, but she brushed that off as no big deal.
“If they are going to smoke someday, why should that bother me?”
With only one hour left to go on the trip home, Jess lit here twelfth
cigarette up since buying the carton four hours ago. She was smoking heavier
than normal, but her nervousness coupled with the boredom of driving made
smoking seem too easy and enjoyable. Although she knew that she was in a
real jam on what to do about her parents, she also knew that she was now a
committed smoker. There was no turning back now even if she wanted to, and
she definitely didn’t. She loved smoking too much now.
Jess’s mom was a stay at home mom, who took great pride in her home and her
family. Not only was Jess’s mom a committed wife and mother, she was also a
very passionate smoker. She smoked over three packs of B&H Menthol full
flavor cigarettes a day. She loved to smoke and to her it was one of the
finer things in life and she had no desire to stop. She knew it was bad for
her, but any thoughts of the harmful health effects disappeared every time
she inhaled that luscious mentholated full flavor smoke. Jess’s father was a
district sales manager for a major pharmaceutical company. He was on the
road often. He smoked Camel filterless, but much less frequently, and would
often enjoy a good cigar as a substitute.
Jess arrived home late around 10:30. It was a Sunday night, and her two
youngest sisters were in bed when she got home. Jess’s father left that
night for a long business trip. Jess was met at the door by both Jill and
her mother. After a few hugs and some small talk, Jill went to bed while
Jess went up to her room to unpack. Jess spent the next half hour unpacking,
and also trying to think on how she was going to tell her mother about her
smoking. At 11:30, Jess had completed most of the unpacking and also was
starting to feel the strong urge for a smoke. She grabbed her purse and
pulled out what was left of her pack of Salem’s. She looked in the mirror at
herself, took a deep breathe, and then said “here goes nothing”. She put the
cigarettes in her sweat pants pocket, and headed downstairs. When she got to
the kitchen, she saw her mother sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup
of tea, and smoking a cigarette.
“Mom, mind if I join you?” Jess said to her mother while she walked into the
kitchen.
“Not at all dear, can I fix you a cup of tea?” her mother responded.
“No thank you mom, it’s not a cup of tea that I want,” Jess responded.
“Oh, well than can I get you something else then,” her mother said.
Jess sat down, reached in her pocket, pulled her cigarettes out, and then
said, “Yeah mom, how about a light.”
Her mother looked on in stunned silence as Jess pulled a cigarette out and
placed it in her lips. After a few long seconds of her mother staring
motionlessly, she finally grabbed her lighter, and held the flame up to Jess.
Jess nudged her head up to the flame, and gently sucked on the cigarette to
light it. After an initial puff to get it fully lit, Jess took a huge drag
on her Salem, and then proceeded to open her mouth and suck the large white
ball of smoke into her lungs. Holding the smoke in her lungs for her
customary four seconds, she slightly lifter her head, smiled, and then slowly
exhaled a huge stream into the air.
“Thanks mom,” Jess said, “that really hit the spot.”
The two sat in silence for another 20 seconds or so, and while her mother
took a puff off her cigarette, Jess followed suit with another one of her
own.
“Well Jess, this is quite a surprise, I had no idea that you smoked,” her
mother finally chimed in.
“I’m sorry mom, I know you must be disappointed in me, but I finally figured
it was time to tell you about my love affair with these things,” Jill
responded as she looked at the smoldering cigarette in her hand.
“Oh Jess, I’m not disappointed in you, I could never be. I love you too
much. Jill’s mom replied. I certainly can attest to loving cigarettes. I
sure do. I just was surprised, that’s all. I know that I haven’t been a
good influence on you, and certainly I am partly to blame for your smoking.
I just was hoping that my kids wouldn’t get caught in the grips of nicotine
like I am. But that said do you enjoy it as much as you look like you do?”
“I hate to admit it mom, but yes, I do enjoy smoking deeply. I didn’t intend
to become a regular smoker, and am still coming to grips with calling myself
one. It just sort of happened. But there is something about these things
that has really appealed to me. It is really hard to explain. And no, it is
not your fault that I smoke; it is something I found on my own. You are by
no means to blame. And besides, I’m glad that I smoke now, so if in some
subconscious way it was your influence, then I need to thank you,” Jess said
reassuringly.
“Well Jess I have to agree with you about the magical appeal that smoking has
on someone,” her mom said through a talking exhale, while she crushed out her
cigarette. “I have been a heavy smoker for 30 years now, and I enjoy smoking
more now than I ever did. It’s funny, I know how bad they are for me. I
wake up every morning and practically cough up a lung swearing at myself for
smoking all the while I am coughing. But as soon as I light up that first
one of the day, the swearing ends, and the pleasure begins.”
“Any regrets about being a smoker?” Jess asked as she crushed out her own
cigarette.
“I hate to admit it Jess, but no” her mom replied. “I remember when I first
became pregnant with you. The doctor told me that I needed to quit to insure
a healthy baby. Being a young mother, I took his advice to heart. I
actually quit, with great difficulty, during the last five months of the
pregnancy. It was during those five months that I came to appreciate how
much I loved smoking. I still remember vividly coming home with you just
after you were born. I had bought a carton the week before you arrived.
That first cigarette convinced me that I was meant to be a smoker and vowed
never to quit again. I also promised myself that I would enjoy smoking
completely, with no regrets. Here it is 20 years later, and I never once
have tried quitting since. And yes, I have no regrets.”
Those words meant a lot to Jess. Here was the one person that she looked up
to most in the world, telling her how much she loved smoking. For the first
time ever, Jess finally felt good about being a smoker. Although she loved
smoking a great deal, she always felt a little ashamed at herself for doing
it. But hearing her mother show little regret convinced Jess that she no
longer needed to be ashamed. On the contrary, Jess actually felt proud for
some strange reason.
“So Jess, why don’t you tell me when you started smoking?” Her mother asked
while she lit up another cigarette.
“Well it is a long story mom,” Jess responded as she accepted another light
from her mother.
Jess went on for the next hour telling her mother all about it. The two
chained smoke the whole time. Something that Jess wasn’t used to doing, but
seemed to enjoy the bonding that smoking with her mother had on her. At
about 1 o’clock, and five cigarettes later, Jess finally called it a night.
On her way up to bed, Jess’s mother handed her an ashtray to put in her room.
“You are going to need this in your bedroom now that you are a smoker,”
Jess’s mom said while she handed her the ashtray.
Once in bed, Jess starting thinking about what just happened. Her mother was
incredibly supportive. Seeing her cigarettes with the ashtray on the night
stand next to her bed, she decided to have one more before going to sleep.
Although she was a little smoked out from the chain smoker that she did with
her mother earlier, the cigarette still tasted wonderful while lying in bed.
Jess thought about the impact hearing the words smoker, and need from her
mother had on her. “I am a smoker now” Jess thought as exhaled a huge cloud
of smoke into the air. “I will not only smoke because I want to, but also
because at times, I am going to need to.”
A few months ago when she first realized how much she needed to smoke, it
really bothered her. But now, after hearing everything her mother had said,
it no longer bothered her. Maybe it was that need, the constant cravings,
that was so appealing about smoking. As Jess crushed out her last cigarette,
she decided to make the same vow her mother did. She vowed, never to feel
ashamed and to enjoy smoking completely. That night Jess slept with a big
smile on her face.
Jess awoke around nine the next morning. Her chest felt heavy and she had a
real empty feeling inside her. Jess knew the cure for this morning craving,
and she immediately reached over to her nightstand for a cigarette. “Wow,
this feels great,” Jess thought as she exhaled her first puff of the day.
Her first day as an unashamed, committed smoker. She enjoyed a couple more
puffs while lying in bed, and then got up and put her bathrobe on while the
cigarette dangled from her lips. She then grabbed her pack off the
nightstand and headed down to the kitchen for breakfast. Being a Monday in
May, her sisters had already left for school. Her mother was there reading
the morning paper while smoking a cigarette. Jess immediately grabbed a cup
out of the cupboard, and poured herself a cup from the coffee maker. Jess
sat down at the table and quietly enjoyed the wonderful pleasures of nicotine
and caffeine.
When the first cigarette was finished, she crushed it out in the ashtray.
Still feeling the need for more nicotine, Jess did something that she almost
never did. She immediately pulled out another cigarette from her pack and
lit up again. In the past she would feel too guilty to chain smoke like that
first thing in the morning. But those days were gone now, and the new
unashamed smoker was going to now enjoy smoking completely. And if that
meant chaining a couple of cigarettes first thing in the morning, so be it.
“Nothing like those first few cigarette in the morning,” her mother said
finally breaking the silence.
“I know,” Jess responded while exhaling a huge cloud into the air. “I don’t
usually smoke like this early in the morning, but for some reason, one just
wasn’t enough today.”
“Tell me about it,” her mother said as she lit up again herself. “It usually
takes me four or five in a row before I get my nicotine level up to my
accustomed level.”
“Wow mom, you really do smoke a lot!”
“Three packs a day,” her mother replied through a billowing exhale.
“I guess I never really thought about your smoking much,” Jess replied.
“Sure, growing up seeing you with a cigarette in you hand was a natural
thing, but until now, I never really thought of you as that heavy of a
smoker.”
“Well Jess, I told you that I smoke as much as I need to completely enjoy
smoking,” her mother responded. “It just turns out that the more I smoke,
the more I love it, so with me it is 60 plus full flavored mentholated
cigarettes that seem to satisfy me the most. Anything less and I feel
deprived. How about you, how much do you smoke now?”
“Well at first I only smoked socially, but during the first semester of last
year, I hit about a half pack a day. The last five months was when my
smoking really took off and now I smoke about a pack or sometimes even a pack
and a half a day,” Jess answered her mother.
“You will find your own comfort level eventually Jess,” her mother replied.
“For some people a half a pack a day seems to do it. For me, it takes quite
a bit more. Whatever it may be for you, make sure that you enjoy it
completely.”
“I intend to do just that,” Jess said as she crushed out her second cigarette
of the day.
Now satisfied, Jess got up and poured herself a bowl of cereal. She spent
the next ten minutes eating while reading the paper. After her bowl was
empty, she looked over at her cigarettes and decided to have another. She
didn’t need this one, but this time she was smoking because she wanted to.
She thought to herself as she inhaled the first puff from her third cigarette
of the day how relaxing this was. For the next half hour, she drank another
cup of coffee and had two more cigarettes, making a total of five in the
first hour of the day. Finally feeling quite satiated, she decided it was
time to take a shower and get on with the day.
Jess didn’t have any plans that summer. Her parents were quite well off, and
she really didn’t have to work to save money for college. She thought about
playing in the summer soccer league again, but then realized, that with her
new found love of smoking, that athletics was probably out of the question.
That bothered her a little at first. But every time she lit up a cigarette
reinforced the fact that smoking was far more enjoyable than running after a
little round ball. She finally determined that giving up sports was one of
the prices you paid when you smoked, a small one at that. The year at
college was pretty demanding and Jess was a little worn out. Having three
months of R&R prior to junior year in college had a lot of appeal, so Jess
pretty much decided to relax and enjoy the summer without worrying about
anything.
The rest of the morning, Jess just hung out in her room talking on the phone
with some of her old high school friends. Some of them saw her smoking
during Christmas break, but most of them still didn’t know. She was a little
worried that some of them wouldn’t be thrilled with her smoking, especially
her old soccer teammates, but she didn’t care. True friends accept you for
who you are, and if they didn’t accept her as a smoker, then she rationalized
to herself that they must not be real friends. Jess would often deploy this
tactic in various ways to keep tabs on who her real friends were. One of her
friends that she could always count on was Megan. She talked to her for
about a half hour and the Megan, who just got back from college also, said
she would stop by sometime in the evening.
Jess’s mom called up to her at 12:30 to tell her that lunch was ready. Jess
had thought about putting out her cigarette that she just lit, but decided to
take it down with her, along with her opened pack. Her mother had made some
sandwiches and the two went outside to eat on the back patio. Jess finished
her cigarette while drinking some lemonade before she started to eat. They
both finished lunch about the same time, and just after her mother lit an
after lunch cigarette, she held out her lighter for Jess. Jess quickly
reached for her cigarettes, pulled one out, and eagerly accepted the light
from her mother. Although she had only been smoking in front of her mother
for about 13 hours now, it was quickly becoming routine to be sharing smokes
together.
After lunch, Jess decided to throw on her bathing suit and lounge out by the
pool with a good book and of course, her ever present cigarettes. For the
next hour or so Jess would read, swim and enjoy her cigarettes in what she
found to be an incredibly relaxing experience. Jess had always enjoyed
sitting out by the pool, but much like just about everything else, she was
quickly learning that smoking enhanced the experience.
Jill and Jennifer got back from high school at about 2:30. Both saw Jess
sitting out by the pool, and walked out to greet her. Jess had just lit
another cigarette when she saw them coming. “Well, I guess they’re going to
find out now,” Jess laughed to herself. What didn’t surprise Jess was the
reaction she quickly got from Jill. Jill was the family jock, lettering in
three sports, constantly running and exercising, and always nagging her
parents about the evils of smoking. So when Jill asked her in a shocked
fashion, “What are you doing Jess”, Jess was ready with a response.
“Hi to you sis too, I’m just sitting out her reading a book, catching some
rays and relaxing.”
“That’s not what I meant Jess,” Jill replied back sarcastically.
“Oh, you mean this,” Jess answered as she placed her cigarette between her
lips and took a big puff off her cigarette. “Duh, I’m smoking a cigarette,”
she continued with a lung full of smoke. Jess then proceeded to exhale a
huge plume of smoke right at Jill’s face.
“You got to be kidding me Jess, what are you stupid or something. What are
you trying to do kill yourself? I can see you now, playing soccer this
summer, coughing and wheezing the whole time. I just can’t believe that you
started this filthy habit. My God Jess, I always thought you were brighter
than this!” Jill lectured back at Jess.
“Well Jill, I could always count on you for love and support,” Jess
responded.
“Mom must be furious with about your new habit,” Jill continued.
“Yeah, she is, she only has lit three cigarettes for me today,” Jess replied
sarcastically.
“Figures,” Jill answered back, “All of you smoking lepers stick together.
The fraternal order of nicotine fiends, all slowly killing yourself to feed a
disgusting addiction.” With that Jill stormed away.
Jennifer, on the other hand, was the quiet, studious one in the family. She
was quite shy, she usually kept to herself. Not much into sports, Jennifer
usually spent her time studying. Her and Jess weren’t particularly close,
but both respected each other.
“Don’t listen to the bitch,” Jennifer chimed in after Jill stormed away.
Jennifer then said, “It’s good to have you back sis,” while she gave Jess a
big hug.
The two then proceeded to enjoy some small talk for the next few minutes,
which was all the two usually did. Jennifer didn’t even mention the smoking,
and didn’t seem all that interested in why Jess smoked. After Jennifer left,
Jess lit another cigarette to calm her frayed nerves caused by Jill, and got
back into reading her book.
At 3:30, Jamie arrived home from middle school. Jamie was the friendly,
outgoing member of the family. Always laughing, joking around and forever
looking for a good time. She was also quickly turning into the prettiest of
the bunch. Long blond her, high cheek bones, perfect smile and even at 13,
breast that were already larger than her sisters in both size and firmness.
Although there was a 7 year difference in age, Jamie and Jess were very
close. As Jamie grew up, it was Jess who always took the time to play with
her. It was Jess who always stuck up for Jamie, and it was Jess who called
Jamie three times a week while at college.
As soon as Jamie got home, she quickly dropped her books on the kitchen table
and ran out to the pool. She then immediately ran up to Jess and gave her a
big hug.
“Go up and get you swimsuit on and join me,” Jess said to Jamie.
Jamie did just that, and when Jamie returned, the two immediately jumped into
the pool, and horsed around for the next half hour or so. Finally, feeling
the urge for another cigarette, Jess got out of the pool and grabbed a towel
to dry off. Jamie followed suit. Trying to figure out the best way to tell
Jamie about her smoking, Jess decided to just go ahead and light one up like
nothing was happening. So she laid the towel down on the lounge chair,
reached over for her pack of cigarettes, pulled one out and nonchalantly lit
one up.
“Wow Jess, when did you start smoking?” Jamie questioned with interest.
“Oh, two years ago, but I only really started smoking over the last seven or
eights months.” Jess replied.
“Cool, do you like it?” Jamie asked.
“God yes, too much I’m afraid,” Jess responded. “I’m good and hooked on
these things now, but to be honest, I don’t care. It’s hard to explain, but
I really find smoking to be really enjoyable.”
For the next hour, Jess proceeded to tell Jamie all about it. She first
proceeded to apologize to Jamie for keeping it a secret from her for so long.
The two always were open and honest with each other, but that really didn’t
seem to bother Jamie too much. She then gave all the details about not
really wanting to become a smoker, but how she slowly got reeled in by the
ever alluring power of nicotine. Finally, at about 5:30, the two left the
pool and headed for there separate bedrooms to get changed for dinner.
About fifteen minutes later, Jess heard a knock on the door. It was Jamie.
“Can I come in,” Jamie asked.
“Sure, but I just lit a cigarette, so if it doesn’t bother you, than come
right in,” Jess responded.
Jamie came in and closed the door behind her. She then proceeded to sit down
on the bed next to Jess.
“Can you keep a secret big sis?” Jamie asked.
“You know I can little sis,” Jess responded lovingly.
Jamie then reached in her shorts pocket and pulled out a pack of Camel’s that
she got from her dad, then proceeded to light one up right in front of her
shocked big sister.
“As you can see, I smoke too,” Jamie said through a talking exhale.
The little ball of fire, that was what her mother always called her. And why
not, Jamie was truly the life of the family. Her three sister and of course
her father, were ultra competitive. They strived to be the best, whether it
was in business, sports or academics. Jamie on the other hand was much more
like her mother, care free and full of life.
While growing up, it was her mother that Jamie tried to emulate most.
Although she loved her father very much, he was often stern and dour, always
preaching the importance of discipline, education and success. This did not
suit Jamie’s personality at all. She much preferred playing games over
playing the piano, socializing with her friends over reading a book, and
laughing instead of thinking.
Her mother was the same way. She believed in living life to the fullest,
whether it be inviting friends over for parties, planning a fun family night,
taking the kids to the amusement park, shopping, and most of all, an
unquestionable devotion to the pleasures of smoking. Jamie was always
fascinated with her mother’s smoking. Her mother was constantly smoking, and
every time she exhaled the smoke from her lungs, there was a huge smile on
her face. To Jamie, this constantly reinforced inside her the image that she
developed that smoking was fun.
When Jamie was little, she would often emulate her mother’s smoking whether
it was a crayon, a pencil or a candy cigarette. “Look mommy, I’m smoking
just like you”, a four year old Jamie would say to the amusement of her
mother. At the age of eight, Jamie asked her mother why she smoked when
according to her teacher, it was very bad for you. Jamie’s mother never lied
to her children, and simply said to Jamie that “your teacher is right, it is
bad for me, but I love to smoke and it greatly adds to the pleasure of my
life. It was what her mother said that impacted Jamie far more than anything
that her teacher said. To Jamie, life was about having fun, and according to
her mother, smoking greatly added to that.
From that point on, Jamie dreamed about smoking herself. It wasn’t long
before the dreaming turned into action. At the age of 11, Jamie finally got
the nerve up to try it. Getting a cigarette was the easy part. Her mother
left open packs all over the house. Her first attempt was a disaster. It
tasted funny and when she tried to imitate her mother and inhale the smoke,
she coughed up a storm. It took her three months to get the nerve up to try
again. This attempt went a little better, and she was actually able to take
a small puff without coughing.
All through the sixth grade Jamie continued to steal the occasional
cigarette. Each time it got a little easier to tolerate, and little more
enjoyable. When she started middle school at the age of twelve, Jamie met a
new friend who was also experimenting with smoking. She lived a couple of
blocks away from Jamie, and soon they started spending all sorts of time
together. It wasn’t long before Jamie began to steal entire packs and began
to smoke everyday with her new friend. At first it was only one or two after
school or during the weekend hanging out at the park. But by the time she
turned 13 during the winter of that year, her smoking increased quite a bit.
Now the two smoked whenever they could, before school, during lunch, after
school and even after dinner. It was around this time that Jamie tried one
of her father’s Camel’s. For whatever reason, she couldn’t find a pack of
her mother’s cigarettes and had to grab one of her father’s instead.
The sight of a cigarette without a filter was foreign to Jamie. Nobody
except her father smoked filterless cigarettes. But Jamie fell in love with
them after the first puff. She liked the true tobacco flavor that they had,
without the cool minty taste that her mother’s menthol had. But most of all,
Jamie liked the big kick that the strong smoke gave her in the chest.
Another benefit was that the Camel’s were considerably shorter than the 100’s
that her mother smoked. She was often able to smoke two in the amount of
time it usually took to smoke one of the B&H’s. This was becoming important,
because Jamie was starting to get cravings, and being young and unable to
smoke for long stretches, smoking two quick cigarettes would easily quench
any craving, no matter how strong.
Jamie also started buying her own cigarettes. Although, only 13, she looked
four and even five years older than she actually was. She was very well
developed, and by wearing makeup, she had no problem buying them at just
about any convenience store. By the spring, Jamie began to smoke whenever
she could, even alone. She even began to smoke the occasional cigarette in
her bedroom, prior to going to bed. So by the time that Jess arrived home
from college, Jamie’s smoking had almost reached a half a pack a day, high
nicotine content filterless at that. She was now fully addicted to nicotine,
and was fast becoming a devoted lover of smoking.
“My god Jamie, you’re only 13!” Jess responded in shocked disbelief. “You
just stopped playing with Barbie dolls a year ago, and now you’re doing
this.”
Jamie didn’t say anything; she just took another huge puff. Her last
cigarette was five hours ago, and she was really dying for one now. While
exhaling that one through the nose, she put the cigarette back in her mouth
and took a third drag.
Jess couldn’t believe her eyes. Here was her baby sister smoking like a
fiend. Not only that, she was smoking one of daddy’s Camel’s to boot.
“Well, you certainly seem to know what you’re doing,” Jess said while finally
breaking the silence.
“This cigarette really tastes good,” Jamie finally said while picking a piece
of tobacco off from her tongue, “I haven’t had one since lunch, and I was
dying for one.”
“Don’t tell me you are hooked on these things already?” Jess asked while she
was exhaling smoke from her own cigarette.
“I don’t know what do you mean by hooked?” Jamie asked.
“I mean do you crave them, or do you start to feel real funny if you go a
while without smoking? Could you go a whole day without smoking with no
problems?”
“Go without smoking for a day, god forbid,” Jamie said laughingly as she
exhaled another cloud of smoke. “I have trouble going a few hours now let
alone a whole day.” I usually start feeling funny after a few hours. So if
that is what it means to be hooked, then I guess I am. But you know what
Jess; I really don’t care, because I like to smoke. I’ve always been
fascinated with smoking and I have wanted to be a smoker for as long as I
remember. Now that I am a smoker, I don’t ever want to stop. I just wish
that I could smoke more often.”
“I take it mom and dad don’t know that you smoke?” Jess asked as she put out
her cigarette.
Jamie then reached over and put her cigarette out in the ashtray as well.
“Oh no, I think dad would kill me if he found out. You aren’t going to tell
them are you Jess, please, please, don’t tell them. You promised me that you
would keep a secret,” Jamie replied in a panicky voice.
“I don’t know Jamie; I never dreamed that this was you secret. You know, mom
is going to find out eventually, maybe you should just tell her,” Jess
responded.
“Yeah, maybe I should. She certainly had no problem with your smoking. But
then again you are 20 and considered and adult, I’m still considered a baby
around her, I think that she would dye if she saw me smoking,” Jamie said
nervously.
“You’re right, she would have a cardiac. OK then I promise not to tell, but
if you get caught, don’t be telling mom that I knew about this in anyway,
promise!”
“I promise Jess, if I get caught you knew nothing about it,” Jamie replied
re-assuredly.
“OK, it’s a deal then,” Jess said while giving Jamie a hug. “So what is up
with smoking Camels? I don’t know anybody who smokes them, except for daddy,
that is. Aren’t they really strong?”
“Well I used to smoke mom’s, but after I tried one of dad’s, I found that the
regular cigarettes were better than the menthols. My friend Kristy smokes
Marlboro Lights, but compared to the Camels they were like smoking air. I
guess I just like the extra kick that the Camels give me. Would you like to
try one?” Jamie asked while taking another one out for herself, and then
holding the pack toward Jess.
“OK, I guess so,” Jess responded while reluctantly accepting a light from her
little sister.
“You are right about one thing, nobody else smokes these things,” Jamie
continued. “Some of my girl friends think I’m a little nuts for smoking
these. I guess they don’t think that Camel’s are very feminine. They mostly
smoke the Light 100’s or Slims; they think more of style than enjoyment I
guess. But you should see the looks the boys give me. They certainly see
some sex appeal to them. I think they like that I am a little different,
maybe a little more adventuresome, I don’t know. It does definitely
differentiate me from the rest and I kind of like that.” Jamie then paused
to take another big puff. She inhaled deeply, held it in, and then slowly
exhaled a huge plume of thick dense smoke, smiling throughout it all. “But
the bottom line to me is pleasure. I love the feeling that smoking Camel’s
give me. So, what do you think big sis, do you like them?”
Jess paused for a second, and then slowly lifted the cigarette up to her
lips. She then proceeded to take a long slow drag on the cigarette, followed
by a deep inhale and a slow controlled exhale.
“They’re not bad,” Jess chimed in while looking at the burning cigarette. “I
think I like my Salem’s better, but these sure do have a good kick to them.
Definitely would be good if I had a big time nicotine fit. Yeah, but over
all I think I will stick with my Salem’s. They got enough of a kick
themselves, and besides, I like the menthol a little better.”
As the two girls were putting out there cigarettes, their mom called up to
them to tell them that dinner was ready.
“Shoot, I forgot about dinner!” Jamie excitedly said. “I must smell like an
ashtray.”
“Yeah, you probably do. Why don’t you wash up in the bathroom and gargle
with some Listerine. I will light another cigarette and sit down next to one
of your sisters. When you get downstairs, help mom with serving dinner. She
usually has a cigarette lit just prior to dinner, so she won’t notice. Then
sit between me and mom at dinner.” Jess said calmly.
Jamie headed to the bathroom to quickly wash up while Jess proceeded to light
a cigarette. It was the third cigarette that she had lit up in the last 20
minutes and after the Camel, she was catching quite the nicotine buzz. But
it was a small price to pay to help her little sis out, and not a bad one at
that. After Jamie had finished, the two girls headed downstairs. Sure
enough, there was mom, just taking something out of the oven, cigarette
dangling from here lips. Jess then sat down next to Jennifer, with Jill
sitting across the table, while Jamie proceeded to help her mom. Jess used
this opportunity to take a dig at Jill, by exhaling a large puff across the
table directly at her.
“Jess, can’t you refrain from that filthy habit at least while were at the
dinner table,” Jill scolded as she was waving the smoke away with her arms.
Jess then proceeded with another puff, “mmmmmmm, nothing like a good smoke to
relax myself before dinner, do you want one too Jill?” Jess said with an evil
grin.
“Hope your lungs rot in hell sis,” replied Jill angrily.
Jess put her cigarette out once dinner was served. After dinner, both Jess
and her mom lit up while Jill and Jennifer left to do there homework. Jamie
hung out and talked, while her mom and sis enjoyed a couple of after dinner
cigarettes.
Megan came over to visit Jess at about eight and was quite surprised to see
Jess smoking. Jess didn’t smoke much out of courtesy to Megan, but Megan was
supportive just like real friends are.
At around 11 Megan had left. Everybody had gone to bed so Jess decided to
call it an early night. Ten minutes later, Jamie came in, pack of Camel’s in
tow.
“Mind if I have a quick smoke before bed Jess? Jamie asked.
“Sure sis, anything to help out a fellow smoker,” Jess replied.
The two shared not one, but two quick smokes before Jamie left for bed.
Jess then read awhile before calling it a night. She had one more just
before she turned out the lights for bed. “What a day,” Jess thought to
herself. She felt good about herself, her new life as a smoker and even had
to admit to herself that it was kind of neat smoking with her little sis.