Angela sat in the classroom, watching Annie intensely as she was telling
about how she had met God, and everything it had done with her life. Angela
had been joining the Christian group at school for three months now, and she
was reading the bible daily. At the end of the meeting they were singing
some religious songs, and Angela made appointments with her new friends
before they all went home for summer vacation. Angela looked forward to read
the bible during the summer, and get a lot of time for herself. Angela
walked happily the kilometre home from school, still singing on one of the
songs. She was happy now, really happy. The happiness came to an end quickly
as she entered her house. The smell of smoke as usual hit her face as she
opened the door, and she also as usual got angry, this time a bit more than
usual, probably because she had been so happy. Her mother, Pam, sat in the
living room with a newly lit cigarette, and she smiled to her daughter and
congratulated her for finishing another school year. Angela was now 14 years
old. Pam suddenly lost her smile, as Angela didn’t answer her at all, she
just turned to her room instead. Pam was so fed up by this now. Her daughter
had changed so much after she had turned into a Christian. She thinks she
knows everything so damn good, Pam thought.
“What is wrong now dear” Pam asked, not feeling quite secure.
After some seconds, Angela came from her room.
“What do you think? I come happy home from school, being happy for my
existence, and when I come in her, I smell this thing that kills more people
than you would ever believe. And you ask why I react as well. Oh god, mom. I
don’t believe that you don’t understand that that poison will destroy your
body sooner or later.
“You don’t know what you talk about young lady”; Pam said disappointed. “I
know it is dangerous, but I am addicted, and I cannot stop now. And I don’t
want to do it either. I have told you this so many times, and there is not a
single day you don’t comment on my smoking”. Pam sounded a bit autoritarian
with her last sentences. And she took a luxurious drag and exhaled in
Angela’s direction. Angela just shook her head and walked into her room
again.
Pam was left alone in the living room. This issue stressed her, so she
smoked the cigarette pretty fast. She had smoked since she was fourteen, and
was well aware of the fact that it is bordering to the impossible to quit
when you have started in such an early age. She had heard that it was easier
when you had lived a longer life as a non-smoker. She had had it in with her
mother’s milk she thought. She was afraid of lung cancer indeed, but she was
always able to repress the whole thing in some way or another.
Right now she had mobilized so much aggression against her little daughter.
She loved her, but felt that they were loosing each other. They had
discussed smoking and religion too much to be friends now.
Angela lay in her room on her bed. Thinking about how stupid her mother
actually was. She had started to doubt her friend’s way of living. She
thought of them as boring and without passion and respect for life. She had
however kept some of her friends, because they had been her friends all her
life. Lately they hadn’t been so much together, because they had also had
some religious debates. Angela felt sorry for her friends who hadn’t noticed
God and she wanted to help them. She felt so secure herself after choosing
the right way. She had tried to convince the person she loved most, her
mother, also, but she understood less than everyone. Angela didn’t want her
mother to have penalty after her life on earth. She had thought a lot about
this sentences from the bible lately. She was very afraid of not meeting god
after this life, and she was aware of not doing anything wrong. But as long
as she didn’t drink, smoke and took drugs, she felt pretty secure. All the
friends from the Christian group were engaged in the smoking issue, and
nobody smoked. She was so proud of never having tried to smoke. She thought
about smoking and drinking as a false way of feeling arousal. It was just
physical, and not spiritual. But on the Christian meeting on the other hand
she felt a deep and psychological arousal.
In the afternoon her Pam and Angela ate together without talking. Pam wanted
to show her daughter that she made her mother unlucky. But Angela was too
stubborn to feel sorry for being to harsh. So they went to their own things
for the rest of the day.
Pam went over to her best friend, 500 meters away, to smoke in peace, and
maybe talk about her daughter with someone who understood. Her friend Sarah
was almost always in the mood for talking, and she understood a lot. They
had discussed so much the two of them. They also shared the same philosophy
of life. They had always been a fan of enjoying her life as long as it
lasted, and don’t be too serious. Pam had been depressed during adolescence,
and she had found out that the only thing was not to criticise herself so
much. Pam and Sarah had both had a lot of men, and no longer relationships.
Pam was a bit sorry for bringing Angela to the world without a father, but
she had really done a lot to give her a good life. She had at least never
expected her to seek help in religion. But she didn’t interpret this as her
own fault. She wanted a daughter, and when she found out that she had gotten
pregnant she chose not to take an abortion. The father was not a good man
for Pam; she had never actually found someone to love, even though she found
a lot of good lovers.
Pam walked over to Sarah. Sarah met her in the door quite stressed, with an
unlit cigarette between her fingers. Her lighter was out of gas, and she had
been waiting for Pam to long not to shake slightly on her hands. Sarah was 6
years younger than Pam, 32. Pam laughed and saw through her bag. Sarah had
already put the cigarette between her lips, waiting inpatient for a light.
“I haven’t had a cigarette in two hours, but I decided I could try and wait
for you”.
“I am afraid you have to wait longer, because I have forgot my lighter” Pam
said.
“Don’t you fucking kid me. I cannot wait another second.” She took the
cigarette away with her shaking fingers. She looked with the devils eyes at
Pam.
“Joke!” said Pam and suddenly flicked a lighter to life. Sarah put the
cigarette back in her mouth within the tenth of a second, and her cheeks
hollowed for three seconds. The relief inside her was enormous, and after
three or four heavy drags she had time to open her mouth and ask Pam to come
in.
Pam explained how frustrated she was about her daughter. Sarah could see
that Pam was depressed, and she knew something needed to be done. They sat
down and discussed for a long time. Pam smoked very heavy, even more heavy
than usual. She had stabilized at about 25 cigarettes a day. One cartoon was
enough for one week. They decided that Sarah should come over for lunch the
next day.
When Pam came home that night, Angela’s behaviour was still provocating. She
actually had the grip among her mother, she psyched her completely out. Now
Pam had had enough, and she answered her daughter when she commented
sarcastically: “You are already back because you ran out of cigarettes?”
“You cannot criticise something you have never tried Angela. That is not
very fair of you. I think you should smoke for a period, and then tell me
what you think about smoking”
“Yeah right. I have never tried smoking, and I never will, so don’t you dare
to even ask me. Goodnight. She closed the door to her room in a slam.”
Just wait until tomorrow, you little bitch, Pam thought. She knew it would
be hard, but Sarah had told her to be strong and self-confidant, and really
let her daughter understand that she couldn’t behave like this.
The next day Angela didn’t wake up before eleven. She heard that someone was
in the living room together with her mother. Probably it was Sarah. Angela
was right. But she could not hear what they talked about. She felt the smell
of smoke as usual, but didn’t care about it right now. Instead she prayed
her morning prayer.
“I am a bit worried about that she probably will make a lot of trouble if we
make her smoke”, Pam says anxiously to Sarah.
“I don’t think you should worry too much. What could she actually do? She is
just 14 years, so physically it is no problem. And if she tells someone, who
would believe it? And I also think that she will be too embarrassed about it
to tell it to a living soul. What is most important is that we make her
believe that she deserves it, that it is her own fault. Then she will not be
so hard to move,” Sarah supports.
“Yes, you may be right. At least I hope so. But without you I have no
chance, so you must promise to support me the coming days, until it happens
by itself, and she accepts “the smoking program”.
Now I am so irritated, and when I am irritated, she has respect for me. Then
I feel much stronger than her. But she has started to get hard these last
years, and I don’t like that. Maybe this wills soft her up. I don’t want to
have an arrogant, better-knowing girl around me, yelling at me for smoking.
I cannot handle it.”
“You know I will help you 120%, and I will not give up even though it
becomes harder than expected. I couldn’t understand you better, and I think
things will be better in maybe one month”
Pam smiles thankfully to her best friend, while lighting a Marlboro light
100. She takes a deep drag, before she passes the lighter to Sarah.
“I think we shouldn’t wait till Angela makes her move. It could be nice to
take her in the act, as she tells us not to smoke, but I think the best is
to really surprise her, and don’t let her build up her irritation. We should
do it now before she comes out,” Sarah advises.
They sat in silence, smoking their last cigarette before starting the plan.
They looked at each other without a word as they were reaching the filter,
took one last heavy drag, and put out their cigarettes beside each other in
the ashtray.
Sarah took the initiative too walk in the front. She stopped outside
Angela’s door, and knocked three times. “yes?”.
“Hello Angela, this is Sarah, could I come in for a minute?”
“Yes…”
“Hello, you are sleeping late, no? (Pam was waiting behind). I have talked a
lot with your mother, and she doesn’t feel very well these days,
particularly because of you. (Sarah became a bit more authoritarian in her
voice). I know you hate her smoking, but there is nothing she can do about
it. And you don’t make it better with being so harsh on her. Would you
please stand up and come to the living room so we could talk a bit more?”
Angela was really surprised, “taken on the bed”. She tried to say something,
but didn’t manage to. At least some seconds passed.
“Yes, I guess so. But what do you actually want?”
“I just want to talk a bit about your mothers smoking, I think it is easier
to understand when you hear it from someone who is not your mother.”
“Ok” Angela said puzzled.
“Thank you”. Pam was really happy about how well Sarah had done. Give me
fucking five, Sarah said, as they walked against the living room, forming
the rest of the plan.
Angela was there in five minutes, dressed, but looking a bit tired.
Sarah took the command again, pointing to a free chair for Angela.
“Neither your mother nor I want to destroy or bodies. But it is not like we
can just stop whenever we want. We are honestly completely hooked, and have
to tolerate smoking as a part of our lives, and that is where you are
concerned. You too have to tolerate your mothers smoking, but you don’t seem
to do that, am I right?” Sarah continued before Angela was able to answer.
“Your mother will continue smoking, and if you don’t understand or can live
with that, you are not very grown up.”
Julia prepares her answer. “I see Sarah, but sometimes we just have to do
what is best for ourselves over time, even though it may take some power to
make it. Unfortunately, not everyone has this power. And another thing is
that it is just not the smokers own case, second hand smoke is also very
damaging. You should stop smoking right now, and try to take care of the
lives you have been given”. This speech was kind of a provocation to both
Sarah and Pam. They knew what she said was right, but they could never stop
now.
“So what you say is that stopping smoking is easy, and that you would have
made it if you had smoked yourself?” Pam interrupted, pretty irritated.
“Well, I would never have started, but if I first did, I would quit
immediately. My willpower is stronger than the nicotine!”
“Ok Angela, your mother and I have decided that you owe us to try smoking
during this summer, and then experience what smoking really is like”. You
will start right now said Angela, rising up from the sofa. Angela looked
scared at her mother, before saying nervously “I will never smoke, I have
decided that, and you will never change that decision”.
Pam just shook her head and pointed restrightly on the seat in the sofa, in
front of the ashtray. Sarah stood behind Angela now and tried to guide her
into the sofa. She laid a hand on her shoulder. Angela was pretty thin and
short, even though she had gotten breasts and butt already.
Sarah on the other hand was a bit powerful, probably weighing twice as much
as little Angela. But Sarah had a nice figure, even though some men would
prefer her a bit thinner.
Angela rose up, telling, “I can sit in the sofa, but I will not smoke,
right!?”
“We will see”, said Sarah arrogantly.
“You actually owe me to agree on this plan after all the shit you have given
me about my smoking. You don’t have the right to criticize something you
have never tried on your own. Now I offer you a chance to try, and you have
to agree on this”. Pam was in charge after these sentences. Angela thought
inside, self-criticizing, as she was, that her mother might be right. She
was more scared than irritated now, because the last thing she wanted to do
was smoking. Sarah sat down on her left side, while her mother was sitting
on the right. The sofa was deep, and it would be hard to get away. Angela
decided to try and raised up, screaming “I will never smoke”. She didn’t
come longer than half way up before Sarah’s strong arm was around her,
pulling her back into the sofa. “You can chose to smoke your first cigarette
voluntarily or involuntarily, but you will smoke it anyway” Pam yelled back
to her daughter. Sarah wanted to ensure them about further attempts to
escape, so she took a tight hold of Angela’s left hand. Pam reached for the
pack of Marlboro lights and the lighter. Looking at her daughter, she took
one out. Angela’s heart was beating faster, and she looked helplessly on her
mother, whispering, “Will you please let me go”.
“We will never get back on this, the best thing you can do is not to make
this harder for all of us with trying to escape.” “You start smoking today,
and smoke during this summer, and then you can prove for us how easy it is
to quit smoking. I am not fan of people who just talk about things they
don’t know anything about. You will smoke two cigarettes today, tomorrow
three, Saturday four. Then you will add one cigarette every second day,
until we reach twenty. And at the first school day, you smoke as many
cigarettes as you want, zero, or 40!” “Now, take a moderate drag, breathe it
in, and blow it out, that is all I want you to do!”
These were the last words before Pam lit the cigarette, took one heavy drag,
and then hold it out for her daughter. Her daughter refused to take it. She
shook her head and looked down.
Pam gave a sign to Sarah. Sarah took Angela’s left hand behind her back and
twisted it until Angela screamed. She then gripped Angela’s hair, and forced
her to face her mother. Tears had appeared in Angela’s eyes, but Pam showed
no mercy. She had experienced too much criticism to do that. Angela was
scared now, and prayed to god that the ladies would decide to go back on
their plan. It did not happen.
Pam held the filter inches from her lips, while Sarah pushed her gently
against it. Angela opened her lips, and the cigarette was immediately put in
between them. “Now, take a drag!”
Angela took a small drag, and blew it out again. The smoke felt unpleasant
in her mouth and eyes.
“Ok, but now I think you should inhale, that is what it is like to smoke”.
The cigarette was put between her lips again at once. Angela was too scared
not to obey. “Inhale” Sarah said calmly while she tightened the grip as to
underline her words.
Angela took a longer drag, and breathed it directly in. Then she blew it out
again. Strangely, she just caught a bit. Pam waited for 30 seconds for the
next drag. She put the cigarette to Angela’s lips for the third time. This
time Angela gripped the filter with her teeth and just spat the cigarette to
the floor. “I will not smoke anymore, now I have tried it, and that’s it.
Bitch!” This was the first time Angela had used this kind of words this year
thought Pam. Sarah now twisted Angela’s arm further and forced her head down
to the table. She also almost ripped Angela’s hair off. Angela screamed and
cried, but there was no mercy after this. “Will you smoke?” screamed Pam
into her daughter’s ear. Angela just cried and didn’t answer. The grip was
even more tightened; her arm was shaking, almost being wounded seriously.
“Yes”, she screamed. Pam took up the cigarette from the floor; the filter
was damaged from the biting, so she threw it in the ashtray, immediately
shaking another one from the pack. She lit it and took her normal heavy
drag. Sarah had loosened the grip, but she still hold Angela’s arm under
control. She stroke Angela’s hair with her other hand. “We don’t want to
hurt you, but it is actually your own choice. You simply have to smoke to
avoid more pain. You cannot go around and think shit about something before
you have tried it for real. You must understand that you owe me and your
mother to try smoking”.
Pam: “Now, we share this one. Just do as you did on your last drag. That was
fine, but I didn’t like what you did to my cigarette afterwards”, Pam said
childishly. She took another drag and again held it out for her daughter.
Sarah took some tears away from Angela’s face before she pushed her against
the cigarette.
Part 2 coming soon!