| To set the seen all of my family smoke, and they are all pack a day or more smokers, this includes my older sister. I was up until the age of about 8 a total anti-smoker I hated the smell and everything. I was also clever enough to know haw bad it was for you. But aged 8 something inside me snapped I began to be interested by smoking. I started to sit near my mothers ashtray and try to inhale the smoke coming from it. My mother a heavy smoker used to leave everynight a half smoked cig on her dressing table, from when she went to bed. Inevitably she would forget about this cig the next day and I also knew this, I began to take the half smoked cig and and watch myself inhale from it in the mirror (unlit!). A couple of months after this my desire to smoke got the better of me and I lit one sneaking one of my mothers lighters. Wow, I can still remember the feeling now although I didn’t inhale properly my whole body buzzed, now I’m older I recognise this as one of the first times I ever felt aroused. This carried on for sometime, never really inhaling and only ever being on the occasions I was alone in the house, my next big step was aged about ten, I realised I wasn’t inhaling because of the amount of smoke which left my mouth and none ever came out of my nose. But I was ready to to progress, I stole a full cig out of my sisters packet and took it to the upstairs toilet with a stolen lighter where I could smoke out of the window. Ready to try my first inhale the lit cig in my hands I got busted, my father needed the toilet and wanted me out, asking why I was taking so long. Throwing the cig out of the window I fanned the air and left the toilet without inhaling, and minus my first full cig (my father never guessed what I was about to do:). Curiosity in satisfied and summer holidays looming I made a plan to cycle to a shop I had heard sold cigs to kids and buy my own pack. Weeks later the time came and I went to the shop on my bike wearing cut down jeans and a t-shirt, unbelievably I got served with my cigs and matches even though I looked so young (I said they were fo rmy gran). Back on my bike, heart thumping in my virgin chest I raced to a local park and found a desserted spot near a river. Hands shaking I opened the pack and extracted my first cig, by this time my heart was beating out of my still pure chest and my lungs were crying out for the destruction I was about to unleash on them. It took about 10 badly light matches in my shaking hands to light the cig, but I got it lit, I was ready for the inhale. Bang, I nearly choked to death, the horror of it all made my throw the cig in the river. But moments later I wanted more, I wanted to feel it again, others could smoke so I definetly could, I wouldn’t be defeated. Again I lit the cig badly but got it lit, this time I took smaller inhales, it was amazing, I still cherish the memory fondly, my first full cig, I was so proud. I smoked 1 more in a similar fasion and then hid the cigs and headed for home, cherishing the tobacco taste in my mouth. This carried on all through the holidays, my secret bike rides to my little hideout near the river for a cig, I soon began to improve my inhales and smoking technique, mirroring the other smokers I had seen. Things were quite then during school again, I had the odd cig stole from my sister or my mother when no one was home. It was the next school break that I hit the next level, twice a week I was left alone at home during hte day when my mother went shopping, I had made a plan to hide cigs and a lighter under my bed and as soon as she left smoke as much as I could until she returned. I was about to discover a joy of chain smoking that would stay with me forever and to push a growing addiction past the point of no return. My mother left the house at around 8:30 and once I was sure she wouldn’t return that was it, taking an ashtray to my room, I started my smoking at first I could only manage a couple in a row but don’t forget I wasn’t quite 11 yet! I started to tell myself that I wanted to smoke a pack a day as soon as possible like my family. Many times through that holiday I made myself sick, I know now this was a nicotine overdose, the first time it happened I had smoked about 10 cigs in 2 and a half hours. I passed out on my bed for a while afterwards, first thing I did when I came around though was light another cig, just one more I used to tell myself and then I’d pack all my smoking kit away and try to clear the air by opening windows. I carried on this way all through my school years keeping |
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