I’ll keep this short and to the point. At least I’ll try and keep it shorter than some of my intros. and try and stay on point. I’ll try.
(ahem)
You know why you are here. I Certainly do.
You saw this document, downloaded it, and are now reading it, because for whatever reason, the title resonated with you.
You want to become a Smoker.
I won’t condone it, nor will I condemn it. I certainly won’t encourage it.
But if you want to take that path, more power to you, you’re an adult, a functioning, reasoning, Human Being, so what you do with your body – and what you choose to put into it – is your right. Your Body, Your Choice. You obviously have your reasons.
Of course I offer the obligatory “Don’t smoke, it’s bad for you.” type warning, there’s no denying that. But since you’re going to die of something eventually, and there is literally no way of preventing that, it’s your life to live as you please.
So if you want to smoke, go ahead. I may or may not necesselsarilly agree with your choice, but, it is your choice. A choice for which there will be consequences. But you were already aware of that, right. You didn’t start reading this on a whim.
Now obviously that choice will have consequences for your Health, and over time, for your Wealth – Smoking in some parts of the world isn’t cheap.
But there will also be social consequences for your choice, you’re bound to upset some people, family, friends, workmates, your GP, et cetera. I expect you’ve already thought about that, and still want to go ahead.
Now I have that out of the way, let’s get closer to the point.
When it comes time to make a choice of what to smoke, most people choose Cigarettes, some choose Cigars, Pipes, Hookah. We’re sort of spoiled in that regard. That said it appears to be increasingly socially acceptable to smoke that other thing of which we shall not speak. You know what I’m talking about.
Well, how about you go and buck the trend. Just, do it. Because you can, and because you’re cool like that.
But what cigarette will you smoke? There is a literal multitude of choices to make here, but if I were to make a guess, you’ll probably go with what you recognise, what your peers are smoking. And once you start, it isn’t like you have to stick to a certain brand, you can change, in fact, that is one thing I encourage. There are plenty of other factors involved other than you know the brand. Don’t just stick to the one brand, it’d be like eating a Ham Sandwich for every meal, every day. And while you might love that particular sandwich, it seems absurd to consume that one thing to the absolute exclusion of all other options. And if you happen to be a Vegetarian or Vegan or whatever, substitute whatever single preferred foodstuff into that metaphor, if that helps.
At this point you’re probably starting to wonder if I’m going to get to the point, and yes, I am, but there are things to consider yet.
In the thing, I mention packs of cigarettes frequently, but, what constitutes a Pack? Well the default for a pack is 20 Cigarettes, in some countries it may be more, and in some cases, less, but I’ll get into that later, in the thing. But that’s what we can agree a pack is. Similarly a Carton of Cigarettes equates to 10 packs of Cigarettes, each pack containing 20 Cigarettes, so all up 200 Cigarettes to a standard carton. Of course this is subject to change depending where in the world you are.
Still with me? Great. Now I come to The Plan. The Plan starts on Day 1, where you smoke one cigarette, then on Day 2, you smoke two, and so on, and beyond up to a month of 31 days. Planned consumption will increase to one pack per day and stop there, continuing at that rate until the 31st day is reached.
Wait!, I’m not done! While that’s the expressed limits of The Plan in this document, there is certainly no obligation whatsoever to follow through to that end-point. If you simply want to establish a pack-a-day habit, then sure it’ll do that for you. But…if you want to level off at any point before then, that’s fine too. The Plan starts out by establishing a routine, which you can stick to if you like, so you can
raise your consumption to whatever point you feel comfortable with, and stay there, because part of the routing requires self-restraint. Built into the plan is also a method you can use to reduce your smoking, and that is to simply reverse the process, instead of smoking one extra cigarette a day, smoke one less. So it can not only help you get started, but can help you exercise control over your smoking, even up to the point of quitting. So if you want to smoke, but don’t want a Smoker’s Cough, or want to cut back because of the sheer expense, you can do that, just stick to The Plan.
Okay, now I’m done, I think.
So without further ado, The Plan.-
THE PLAN
Day 01
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 1, for a running total of 1. Smoke at any time of Day (or Night)
This will be your first cigarette, believe it or not, this is a special occasion, so make note of the date and time, where you were, what the brand was, everything you care to commit to memory or paper (actual or digital). Trust me, you’ll look back on this day.
After lighting the cigarette, don’t try to inhale just yet, just get used to the taste and the texture of the smoke. At first just practice drawing smoke into your mouth, blowing it out.
As you reach the mid point of the cigarette, now will probably be the time to try inhaling. Depending on how brave you’re feeling, you can inhale a mouthful, or just a sip, it’s entirely up to you. However this is another first on a day of firsts, as you when you inhale, and the amount you inhale, will be the first time your body experiences smoke in your lungs, and Nicotine working it’s magic in your brain.
You may want to be sitting down, but if you choose to stand, you may want to be somewhere you can steady yourself, because when you inhale, things are going to happen.
You will probably cough, your lungs won’t be used to having smoke in them, so they’ll probably want to jump out of your chest in five different directions at once. If you’re one of the lucky few that doesn’t cough, good for you.
Now, within seconds, or even moments of the smoke hitting your lungs, certain receptors are going to fire in your brain, and for perhaps a few seconds, things may get downright psychedelic, colours will become incredibly vivid, your sense of equilibrium might change, so if you’re standing, things will tilt and spin, and you will feel quite alert, you will feel quite different, and after a few seconds when normal perception has restored itself you may feel ‘buzzed’. If you feel dizzy or nauseous, that’s unfortunate but possible, because your body isn’t used to what you just did. But more often than not, in the majority, it’s a positive experience. You will find your senses sharped for a little while too. You will become more aware.
And it only happens once. Savour the experience, treasure it.
If you smoke at night, I expect the same thing will happen, just with less psychedelia colour-wise, unless you’re indoors with the light on.
Afterwards, when these sensations have faded, resume drawing smoke into your mouth until the cigarette is finished.
If you want a repeat experience, I advise against it, your body is still dealing with the Nicotine you just dumped in there, and if you do it again too soon, you risk overwhelming it, which will make you feel quite ill, you’ll feel dizzy to nauseous, you may break into a cold sweat, and want to throw up, thus spoiling all the good you’ve just experienced perhaps a minute or so ago.
Having said that, everybody (and every body) is different, if you want to find out how much your body can tolerate, then do as you please. I advise you to take it slow, stick to the plan.
Regardless, that’s it, you’re done for the day ~~~
Day 02
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 2, for a running total of 3.
Smoke one in the first part of the day, and one in the last part of the day.
Following yesterday’s experience, you’ll have gained some proficiency at lighting your cigarette, and on drawing smoke into your mouth, so there’s not much more to be said in that regard.
So that leaves inhaling. Yes, and at least once. Your body, now having experienced Smoke in the Lungs and the effects of Nicotine in the brain, will be a little more tolerant of it, but don’t expect a repeat of the previous day’s experience, it’s not going to happen, well at least not to the extent that it did. You may feel a bit of a head-spin, and your senses will sharpen up, but you won’t get that wonderful topsy-turvy chemically-induced fun ride that you did the previous day. So take it easy, multiple smaller sips of smoke will get you sorted out
Fully inhaling again or more deeply to increase the Nicotine in your bloodstream won’t help, you’ll probably just end up feeling sick. As I said, take it easy.
On the Upside, if this is your AM smoke, you still have your PM one to look forward to.
For your PM smoke, pretty much repeat what you did earlier in the day. ~~~
Day 03
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 3, for a running total of 6.
Time to start thinking about establishing a Routine.
This is where you want to sort out a routine. So perhaps a cigarette after each meal, one ofter Breakfast, one after Lunch, and one after dinner.
~~~
Day 04
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 4, for a running total of 10. Congratulations, you’ve smoked half a pack.
All I really need to talk about at this point is routine. One after Breakfast, One after Lunch, One after Dinner, and wait for it…One before Bed. Hopefully inhaling is starting to get easier for you, too.
One additional thing you might want to start thinking about, is your next pack, will you stick with the same brand, or will you try something new?
~~~
Day 05
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 5, for a running total of 15.
This is starting to get…fun.
Simple. One when you wake up, One after Breakfast, One after Lunch, One after Dinner, and One before bed.
However, if your first pack was a 20-pack, you are going to run out tomorrow, so you’ll have to make a purchase to avoid running out, if that happens, you might feel a bit…different. Your body is getting used to smoking. It might be starting to tell you things, so pay attention.
~~~
Day 06
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 6, for a running total of 21.
Today things change, also, cigarettes of opportunity
Same routine as yesterday, except you’ll have an extra cigarette to fit into your routine, so enjoy that one whenever you like, time and circumstance permitting.
Also, one of your cigarettes will be from a new pack, which might be the same brand, or not.
More to think about, is, if you’re going to continue to increase your consumption, is finding opportunities to smoke, as that will happen more and more frequently.
~~~
Day 07
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 7, for a running total of 28. More changes, more cigarettes of opportunity.
Another Day, another extra Cigarette. So you’ll have to find opportunities to fit it in, and depending on your work/life balance, that may be a bit of a challenge, and be increasingly so, but I’m sure by now you’ve started to work it out. You have been smoking for a week now, after all.
You may have also noticed that by the end of the day today, you have smoked over half a pack in two days, so you’ll probably need to replenish your supply, because in three days time, you’ll be needing to buy a fresh pack on an increasingly daily basis, in fact, even at this point, consider buying by the carton, it’ll likely cost you less than buying single packs daily, and it’ll keep you supplied for almost a week and a half, almost.
~~~
Day 08
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 8, for a running total of 36.
Another week, another pack.
Yet another extra cigarette to add into your schedule.
You will need another pack tomorrow, because you’re going to run out early on, best pick it up today, just to be on the safe side.
You’re lighting up on average once every two hours at this stage. ~~~
Day 09
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 9, for a running total of 45.
The shape of things to come.
Hopefully you’ve replenished your supply before lunchtime, you probably want to start making sure you remain stocked up, and you probably know why.
So almost half a pack today, certainly half a pack tomorrow. ~~~
Day 10
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 10, for a running total of 55.
Remember that one cigarette you had left in your pack back on day six?
So, Ten cigarettes today, an entire half a pack.
Remember when you had a routine? How you noticed how much it’s changed?
So, you’ll be finishing off yesterday’s pack today, and enjoying 9 from the new pack, leaving you 11 for tomorrow.
Probably time to stock up again with a new pack. ~~~
Day 11
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 11, for a running total of 66.
Just enough to get you through the day.
Get yourself another pack today. No if’s, and’s, or…butts. See what I did there?
~~~
Day 12
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 12, for a running total of 78. What’s left in that pack is not going to get you through tomorrow
You’re approaching a pack a day. So it would make sense to shop that way. And yeah, you won’t have to buy a new pack every day, yet, but it’s a certainty that the days you don’t will become fewer and fewer.
So, you’re lighting up every 90 minutes on average, meaning you can have a smoke, go see a movie, and have another smoke when you come out.
I assume you’re getting familiar with what a craving feels like, and are loading up on Nicotine accordingly.
~~~
Day 13
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 13, for a running total of 91.
Time to think about buying two packs on the odd day.
Ooh, it’s your two week anniversary tomorrow, how should you celebrate? Have a cigarette while you think about it.
~~~
Day 14
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 14, for a running total of 105. Congratulations on your two week anniversary as a smoker!
Hey, you’ve smoked half a carton’s worth in two weeks. Have you ever wondered, that that first cigarette in the morning when you wake up is like Morning Glory for the lungs?
~~~
Day 15
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 15, for a running total of 120.
If you’re aiming for a pack a day, you’re right on track.
At this point, most days are pack transition days, out with the old, in with the new.
Were I in your shoes, and I’m not, but if I was, I’d have been using these opportunities to play the field, you could have been trying new brands and strengths on a daily basis. I can never understand brand loyalty, myself, but you are not me.
You may be starting to settle on a flavour and strength you like, and if you’re still buying by the pack, you might be wanting to settle on a certain brand at a certain price point. Me, I wouldn’t, only because it’d be like eating the same thing for every meal. And as much as you may enjoy that thing, you would eventually get tired of it, and want a change, at least for a little while.
~~~
Day 16
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 16, for a running total of 136. Every hour, on average.
I’m willing to bet you wished on occasion that you lived a life of leisure, where you could light up every hour on the hour, and not have to worry about seeking just a few minutes of ‘Me Time’ to fend off those niggly-naggly little things called wanting a cigarette. But that’s okay, isn’t it, because the satiation of those feelings feels really good.
~~~
Day 17
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 17, for a running total of 153.
Getting there is half the fun, right?
I guess at this point, your smoking routine is getting pretty firmly established. Do I need to advise you of things any more?
~~~
Day 18
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 18, for a running total of 171.
So let’s talk about value for money.
By now I expect you’ve been exploring your smoking options for a while, and you may have encountered the odd brand that comes up short.
Some tobacco companies with some brands, usually popular budget brands, might be giving their loyal customers the short shrift, in that you pay for a pack, thinking you’d get at least 20 cigarettes, but if you read the fine print, it might only be a pack of 19, or 18, or (dramatic gasp!) even less.
It’s to keep the brand at a certain price point, they do this because of increasing excise and taxes on the product, increasing manufacturing costs, and wanting to increase their profits without increasing their prices, so, they reduce the number of cigarettes in the pack. You’re paying more, and getting less, but they’re hoping you won’t notice, because they want to keep you as a customer.
So it pays to start doing the math. I mean, tobacco companies make profits in the billions globally every year, so you’d think they’d take a very minor hit, so they could give you, the loyal customer, a consistently valued product. They choose to not do that, so aren’t you glad you shopped around?
~~~
Day 19
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 19, for a running total of 190.
If you’d started out with a carton, you’d practically finish it today.
I bet you haven’t been keeping track of how much you’ve smoked by now, good thing I’ve been doing it on your behalf.
By the end of the day today, you will have smoked 190 cigarettes, half a pack short of a full carton. Hopefully you’ve been keeping track of pack prices, and have worked out how much you have spent in total.
If you’ve got a total, there is that, against the cost of a carton. In most countries around the world, it makes sense to buy in bulk, being by the carton, as it’s a bit cheaper, but in some countries, the governments changed the tax laws so there is no benefit in bulk buying this way.
So if you want to take the plunge and commit to a potentially cheaper carton, great, good for you, I mean it’ll most likely work out cheaper for you, though it is a double-edged sword, you might get a discount, but if you’re a brand-hopper, you’re stuck with the one brand for the next ten days. So there’s the trade-off, but if you like what you smoke, smoke what you like. And it doesn’t mean you can’t buy other bands then mix it up throughout the day. You can. You Should.
~~~
Day 20
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 20, for a running total of 210.
Welcome to life as a pack-a-day smoker. Or not. Your choice.
So it’s another one of those milestone days. Today you will smoke an entire pack of cigarettes (or it’s equivalent) in one day today.
Thing is, if you’ve strictly followed the plan, you’d be starting the day with half a pack of cigarettes. That said, maybe you’d learned the art of the bot (slang for persistently begging or borrowing something, typically money, but it applies to cigarettes too. Such people are generally not well liked), and you might be starting off with a fresh pack, or close to it. And if so, I hope you’ve done the right thing and paid your smoking buddies back, with interest.
You’ve got some important decisions to make today. You can rinse and repeat the process tomorrow, or listen to what your body has probably been telling you for a while, and walk it back.
You’ve probably developed a bit of a Smoker’s Cough by now, maybe you’ve had it for a while, and when you wake up of a morning, you absolutely have to smoke at least one cigarette to restore any feeling of normalcy. And you’re probably becoming adept at finding opportunities (and places) to smoke. If this was your goal, congrats., you made it!
But, you may feel that having to light up multiple times an hour in some cases, or having smoke two or perhaps three cigarettes in quick succession just so you can get through a movie with friends, or your kids, or a long meeting at work, or a long time between breaks, having to deal with so much in your system that you feel a little sick, isn’t for you, just like your wake-up cough, and your lack of stamina.
Easy fixed! Simply reverse the process. While you have managed to become a habitual smoker, that habit isn’t so deeply entrenched in your daily routine that you can’t turn it around, if you really want to. I can’t say it’ll be as easy as increasing your intake, but it took some commitment to get here, so it’ll take as much to reverse course. And there’s no need to quit, just to get your smoking down to what it was perhaps only a couple of weeks ago.
~~~
Day 21
# of Cigarettes to Smoke Today: 20, for a running total of 230. It’s the Smoker’s Life for ME! (…well, You)
Okay, so I guess you made your choice, that said, it’s still not too late to change things, but from this point on, your smoking will probably stabilise, or even increase organically, depending on what your body tells you, or I should say when it tells you.
Yep, you’ve probably reached the point where you’re not the one in control any more, well that’s not entirely accurate, you are the one in control still, ultimately you are the one that keeps listening to that feeling, the biological equivalent of “Are we there yet?” over and over, louder and louder. Destination: Smoke Break, Yo! Because you are the one that answers “Yes!” twenty times a day, and you’re obviously okay with that.
From here on out, I’m just going to give running totals, maybe make the odd comment, there’s not much more to be said.
By the way, it’s your three week anniversary as a smoker today. Congratulations! Light one up to celebrate!
~~~
Day 22
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~250. Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 23
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~270.
Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 24
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~290.
Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 25
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~310. Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 26
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~330.
Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 27
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~350.
Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 28
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~370.
Rinse and Repeat time! Also…
If you follow the Lunar calendar for any reason, you’ve been smoking for an entire lunar month!
And as always, if you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 29
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~390.
Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
~~~
Day 30
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~410.
Rinse and Repeat time!
If you’ve got leftover cigs, you can obviously afford to indulge a little extra here and there. If you want.
Day 31
Running total of Cigarettes Smoked: ~430.
Happy 1 Month Anniversary!
As of today, you’ve been a smoker for an entire month! Depending on the month.
More or less, anyway.
~~~
I’d say at this point your smoking habit is pretty much set in place at this point, it may have increased or decreased, or fluctuated in one way or another, which is why the running total is approximate. You’ve probably had to go through some changes, had to reconcile a few things. But this is what you wanted, to be a Smoker. You wouldn’t have downloaded, read, and followed this guide otherwise. Your body, your choice.
And so, I bid you good day. Fare thee well, and Happy Smoking!